Ignore her back and don't do anything for her. Let your husband take care of all her needs. It's not your fault germ other is an alcoholic and you shouldn't be punished for it.

I would make it clear to DH that his daughter is being rude. Does she ignore other adults like teachers? No, neither of you have to cry about how awesome the other person is and have a squealy love fest. You are allowed to just like her and she, you.

This being said ignoring you is just rude. So tell DH that you are not talking to his daughter any longer. Obviously she wants nothing to do with you and to force yourself on her is disrespectful. SO Daddio is in charge of all things biologically his. Be polite but let her 'warm to you and get used to you and deal with all the stuff she is dealing with' and whatever clap trap DH pulls out of his nose and ignore her and go about your day. All you ask is she lets you know if she is leaving the house and when she comes back. 'I am leaving!/ I'm back!'. Just so you can let the fire dept know if anyone else is in the home in an emergency.

Then enjoy every single day with a smile. Why oh why do these men marry women when their own kids are so against it?

ye olde "he/she's shy"

heard that one too. My skids were always bold as brass, spoiled and bratty (parent's fault). Chef told me they were shy when they rudely ignored me.
Start to disengage if husband makes it clear he will not discipline or train/ teach her, yet doesn't want you to either.

Ignore the "whore". Not that the child is a whore. It's just a phrase that means just ignore anyone who is not bringing anything positive to your life.

Ignoring is not being shy it is being rude. Your husband needs to pull his finger out and start making her be at least polite to you. You two do not need to be best of friends but she should not be ignoring you.

Have you tried a counselor? Sometimes having that 3rd party (or 4th in this case) in the room can help break some of the tension. Is she being blatantly rude and ignoring you or shying away from conversation with you? I swear even my own daughter does this cut her eyes at me thing when she is mad and giving me the silent treatment... I know she is being a brat. I correct that! However, if it is more of an "I am scared" or "I don't feel safe in this relationship yet" or something along those lines from having an alcoholic and probably abusive mother... maybe a counselor can help. Hell, if it is a rude thing, at least it will hopefully be clear with your DH in the counselors office.

Per the timeline you gave, the child was about six and has now spent six years not speaking to you. And the child (now about to be a young teen) was raised by a drunken unfit mother.

Considering Dad just got the kid fulltime under emergency temporary conditions, has Dad thought of seeking therapy/counseling for his daughter. It would be unusual for a six year old to be so shy to not speak to a woman for the following six years. The child could be scared to pieces of you, not because she's shy but because you're normal and nice and try with her... the exact opposite of her mother and the child's vas majority of homelife. She. up until now has seen Dad and you 4 days a month, the drunk unfit BM 25-26dys a month.

I'm going to bet over the six years the child has had many days in BM's drunken home where the kid tried to avoid contact and possible confrontation with drunk Mommy. She may not, after her experiences with her drunken mother, trust any woman. She may feel as if she too walks on egg shells , in fear that if she says or does anything, you'll turn inheres unfit as BM is.

Just a thought, as this refusal to speak or acknowledge your presence started way to young and has lasted too long for it to merely be a case of a rude disrespectful untrained aka untaught thing. The mother may have done a serious number on this kid's head, and it may be worth a try to see if a professional can help the child sort it out and work through her issues.

Your DH too may benefit from counseling to gain an understanding of what all his daughter has been through in her previous home with a drunken unfit mother and gain tools in handling and helping his daughter live a more 'normal' home life with 'normal' expectations that she has in her new homelife. You're offering her stability, safety, civil interactions .... whatever is going on with the kid it isn't shyness and it isn't you.

ETA: I see the poster above me hit the counselor route while I was half writing and half getting coffee and putting furbaby out. I don't mean to step on toes.

What do you mean that she won’t talk to you? You walk into a room and say “Hi SD” and she says nothing? You look her in the eye and ask how her day was and she says nothing? Or does she just give one word answers?

I do agree that the girl could use some counseling, she has not had an easy life so far, with an alcoholic mother.

That does not give her an excuse to ignore people and your husband should not just dismiss it as her being shy, it's rude. Does she ignore other adults?

My SD (now, 26) has always been "shy" (in her case, that is code for no personality) but she was taught to respect adults and speak when spoken to. I'm sure she felt that I was an intrusion in her life but she was still respectful, DH would not have allowed anything else.

Do NOT walk around your own home on eggshells. Does your husband take care of all of her needs or does he expect you to? I, for one, don't do for someone who acts like I don't exist. In my own home, no doubt!