What I would do- what I did when my son was about the same way, was to have him live at his dad's through high school. I don't mean that in any hurtful way- I had the same experience with my son. When they get to a certain age it is difficult for some of them to listen to women, and they are more obedient to their fathers due to the "bro code"....sorry. It's not right, but I think it's true.

It will help him grow into a young man and save you from experiences like this. You could do a bit less time with him and make those experiences fun and positive. (Not saying this was your fault, you did everything right).

Tell him all the reasons that you love him, and that you are not getting rid of him, but he needs a change of scenery.

BM would probably do what you did, and DH would put the SSs through Daddy Boot Camp (and since DH is a vet, he knows what actual boot camp is like so the boys would be in for a real treat). DH wouldn't tolerate them being disrespectful to anyone, and even with his feelings towards his ex, he really wouldn't tolerate them being any sorts of pricks with her.

Parenting my kid means I have to parent him. Not send them off to his dads. I don’t think that’s the best route to take with your son. You don’t like the way he acts so you just kick him out of the house? Sorry to be so harsh and blunt, but seriously?

When you text him, it sounds like a friend versus a mother. Swearing at him and instantly threatening him to kick him out of the house. You might want to rethink these tactics as your son is going to be testing boundaries more and more.

I would look into some parenting books right away so you can nip this in the bud, move on to a productive parenting style.

This is going to be a very different response to what you may expect. I am not typing this to make you out to be the bad guy or criticise you, its done to give a different view. I also understand that you are in the US and I am in the UK so there may be a cultural difference.

I dont think you can talk to a child about being disrespectful when your own language in this interaction has been anything but respectful. I dont understand how people think it ok to swear at people much less tell people not to swear or be disrespectful when you your self are not setting the example. I can not imagine my son would dare speak to me this way or me speak to him with this choice of words. As to the less eye rolling - that in itself is a sign of disrespect that you have tolerated. It isnt something that happened over night, it is something that has been slowly cultivated.

If you and your husband are ok, exchanging monster children to discipline them, I can live with that. It works for you and straightens out the kid. I dont have my son's father so that isnt an option for me. I dont think I would send my son to his Dad if he did act out this way. Being his only parent means I have had to learn to be the only parent he has - and that has meant I have to step up in all aspects including discipline.

In the end I dont think you can demand respect or decent behaviour from your son when I dont see it (in this case) from you.

Blech!! 15 year old boys and their attitudes!!!

I have one at home - you figure it out, let me know!

My son would only ever listen to his dad, ultimately. He lives with his dad full time and is doing very very well. He's been like that since he was about 5 years old. Some kids just need a man's presence to stay in line.

I don't disagree with what you did because I have had to do it before too and BS was much younger. DH had to handle something a few weeks back when SS15 lost his temper. He threw my things about, called me names and tried to run away. As he's autistic, I feared what going outside on his own would bring, so I tried to stop him. It was like a paper doll trying to stop a bull. Although he's doesn't look much, he's is incredibly strong.

In the end, my DH, who doesn't hardly say boo to SS15, told him that if he ever hears of him screaming at his wife and getting any sort of physical again, that they were going to have a 'f*cuking falling out!'. Coming from my DH, that is very rare and SS knew he meant business.

Sometimes it takes a man's presence as that's all they'll listen to. Been there, done that so I understand. It's great that you have that option and it works for you. Though I have to say if he ever starts again, don't feed into it so much. Say no, give warning and then issue the punishment. No texting and talking back and forth so much. Don't converse with the little terrorist.

That only escalates the issue more. I have to say if he was screaming that stuff in my face, with difference in strength and size, I would have whacked him one. People don't agree with that but I don't agree with little punka$$ teenage boys trying to throw their weight and size around because they know they're so much bigger.

But that's not always the popular answer and I realize that. It is an extreme measure in extreme cases and this was pretty extreme. Otherwise, I wouldn't dare lay a finger on my child or anyone else's. BUT if they're going to bully me and completely disrespect me in such an aggressive way, well, that's a whole other ball of wax IMO.

It was uncomfortable to read. The whole text exchange. I think language and overall rough style of conversation was uncalled for for all parties involved. I think ideally when teens act ridiculous, we should still try not to stoop to their level. They learn by example. Saying all that teens could be tough to deal with. This too shall pass.

oh secret, I've been there lol... he did not develop and asshole attitude over night, the male hormones kicked in over night ...
this will go on till he's about 19/20, then he becomes normal again... Deigma is 21 lol....he's only calming now.

You did the right thing to show him, you are still his Mother and do not let him back easily, he needs to work for it, cause now with Dad he will see he gets no sympathy and after 3 days he wants to come back, allow him back but ignore him, you already compromised by allowing his bratty ass back..
and I would take the device away, for a month or so.....

this will happen again and again and the only thing you can do better... if he text you at work and it's not an emergency, you say once NO, I'm at work this can wait till tonight, then you ignore him, this is the time not to get involved in verbal war with him, it gives them power...
you say something once, he will ignore it cause he's the man... and then you act.

eg: DS take your crap from the living room, I want it gone when I return / clean your room or I will.....
prepare for him to ignore you the first couple off times, simply go back after an hour and trash everything, clean his room for him when he's at school or at friends, take everything...

he will be highly upset, call you a bitch, not worth being his mother... don't confront him, smile and say, Well this bitch did warn you and you choose to ignore it, live with the consequences..... then go on like you normally would, cook dinner call him for dinner, he will ignore you, that's fine... he needs to change not you.

I never scream, I say something once.... I ignore Deigma if he starts acting like he's the boss and I simply remain friendly...

it's a matter of who's in control and the one screaming looses control, this is what they want, you to loose control and they know just what buttons to push, now you know the secret, do not loose your control by screaming, talk softer and clear, and do not show they succeeded in finding the button...

Things escalated the moment you told him he was "annoying as f@$ck." You seriously use that language with your kid? That was text #2 from you and you already dropped the f-bomb on him? It read like an exchange between teen siblings. There is no way he is a mostly respectful kid and then just flipped a switch. The respect may be surface level at best.

You may have yourself convinced that you have the respect and authority a parent should have, but I don't know if you could convince many others. You swore at and called YOUR SON names. And you honestly thought that would help the situation? Why would anyone respect you for that? These weren't even words exchanged in the heat of a moment. You had to TYPE IT OUT. You had plenty of time to think about appropriate responses, but you immaturely spouted off whatever came to mind first. I cringe to think of what actually comes out of your mouth when there isn't a filter such as a phone.

I don’t think the issue of cussing or overall vulgarity in general is a problem. I think it becomes a problem whrn it’s directed at ones child.

Like if you are cussing at drivers while by yourself in the car or describe someone’s behavior or use it on anonymous forum or even with friends if that’s how you talk. That’s not a big deal

I think it’s a problem when it’s the long exchange with profanity with your own MINOR child. Back and forth. It’s just bad role modeling. You can’t ask of him to be a classy gentleman if you don’t model it.

It’s somewhat hard to believe that it was one and only time or he’d get upset. My DD is almost 30 and she’d be shocked if I cussed AT her. Your son didn’t seem to wink, so it’s likely common communication style.

I am not saying you have to always speak in a classy manner like you are visiting a queen. But talking to one’s kid in this way just sends bad message: it tells him it’s ok to talk like thugs

Maybe if you feel upset (although it didn’t seem to be serious enough issue to get that upset) and can’t stop going off on your kid, just stop a conversation entirely. And contact him when you are calm. I know that one incident couldn’t be undone but it could be done differently in the future.

I'd recommend the Family Virtues Guide, by Linda Popov-Kavelin. It's part of a strategy for engaging with children and youth in a way that supports their character development.

I read this again. It's like a bad reality show. It's really heartbreaking that this way of interacting with your child isn't causing you pain too. At every turn you could have moved both of you in a positive direction, but you went to aggression and rejection. And in this entire chain of discussion, you sound totally ok with that. Please, you and your kid deserve so much more. Obviously you don't have his trust, how can you help him through the teenage years?