This is my own DS he's 12 and lately had a huge chip on his shoulder. My rules, the house rules, the rules that have been and always will be the same the ones his dad (exH) and I put in place for both our kids and expect aren't any different as far as I'm concerned since SO moved in almost 2 years ago (actually yep 2 years this month).SO knows my rules but has been trying to "tweek"them it seems. Yet DS has been directly rude to SO, broken rules, argued with me and tonight yelled "shut up" at SO which resulted in an immediate pop in the mouth from me.
He had already been standing in time out for almost an hour from arguing and being rude (trying to play sick to get out of practice but wanting to go to the fair)and then arguing about my rule on sick, my rule your sick you stay in bed, no electronics rest and get better. I don't do long time outs 1 min per year of age, I have put my 17 y/o in time out in front of her friends even. So I try to get at the bottom of the issue when I get home, SO wants me to spank my son over an hour after the attitude and arguing I'm still trying to get to the root of and between DD, SO, and DS I told them to be quiet and when SO went to say something is when my son yelled at him to shut up. that flies not one bit in my house shut up doesn't get to come out of children's mouths in my house to anyone. Well DS gets he screwed up says he's sorry to SO and I call bullshit that "I'm sorry" means I won't do it again and he just keeps up with the same stuff so whats really going on? "I'm hormonal I don't know how to handle these emotions." I call bull he's not a teenage girl yes he may be hormonal to a point but he's bawling it's his pity cry so I ask if he wants a reason to cry? "I'm being bullied at school." so why hasn't the school called me per their policy when bullying is reported? long drawn out story I only half believe the rest is embellished and I say so, "I hate SO!" woah okay why? "He's always trying to one up everybody, me. I'm not used to this, him I'm used to dad."
Now we are getting somewhere
"he's been here for 2 years, this isn't new."
DS:" I'm not used to him I'm used to my dad."
Me: "again your dad and I divorced 3 years ago, we've not lived together for 4 you see him every other weekend and your here the rest of the time."
DS: *crying* "I'm used to dad who ignores me and not someone who cares!"
Me: "So you think it's okay to treat someone who cares like that? Would you yell at dads' gf like that? Your dad? Me, your sister your grandparents?"
DS: "No but dad just doesn't care and he just sits there ignoring me mostly, he (my SO) tries to be my parent"
That kind of threw me because my exh their dad was home a lot when they were growing up he hardly ever worked until we ran a business for a few years and yeah he was sorta lazy but when I was home discipline was very much team effort and both of us handled things as needed. I know the kids feel their dad just sees them to look good to his friends and play the "she only lets me have them every other weekend" card, but if DS is being honest maybe it's worse than I thought, and I know it had to just hurt SO when my DS said he didn't like him, at least he clarified it's because he cares enough to enforce my rules (then again SO seems to want to add to my punishments or butt in when I'm handling it, it's a control thing rubbing everyone wrong. Both DS and SO do this back and forth who's the bigger jerk stuff and I'm about to put them in a play nice shirt. Also I have no idea how to address any of this. My DD was easy as a teen she had/has PMS moments but DS reminds me of my asshole brother at 12. yet he's smart, likes money and will work for it, he's funny sometimes he needs to know when to end the joke but it's mature funny not dumb 12 y/o funny. He's got a soft spot and can get emotional, but if you tell him that, or that he's puberty hormonal he'll use it as an excuse. I text exh about it vaguely because as punishment I wanted to take away the fair but I also don't want exh running around saying I always ruin his time so I asked what his plans were "nothing" oh good well this is what I wanted to do for punishment. Exh says he'll talk to DS I took Ds's $ for the weekend because I have a feeling exh is playing the I'm fun and nice mom's mean come live with me crap (DD said somethings that make this plausible) and exh is usually right on board to agree to punishment or negotiate if it may affect his weekend so the "I'll take to him"{ response was not normal.
So any one with preteen, teen boys and step dads help, tonight really made me sad for SO. I cannot have coming home from work or class this power struggle, arguing ridiculous all the time.