He can't get divorced
I posted years ago but I can't remember my log in information or the email I had back then. Dh and I aren't married but we live together like spouses for 4 yrs now. We've been together for 6 yr. Dh has 3 kids with bm. When dh and bm were married he started a company that is highly successful. Both dh and bm are multi millionaires. They aren't willing to divorce because they will each want ownership of the company and they can't split the name which brings in the business so 1 will win and 1 will lose. Dh just keeps her happy by giving her so much of the profit every month.
His 2 boys are in their 20's and manage businesses that dh gives them and lives off of money that bm gives them. One just got engaged and bought her ring off a credit card his dad pays for. They both have 3 story houses and expensive cars. Before I met them they were in and out of jail and in trouble with drugs but I guess they cleaned their acts up. He has a 9 yr old dd that is terribly rotten. Bm doesn't work and anytime this girl is on break bm has her on vacation somewhere. This last break bm sent pictures of his dd riding a camel in Egypt/Morocco or somewhere. When sd comes to visit she loves to rub it in my kids face about the cool things she did with her mom. Did I mention dh is a cheapskate? We live in a 4 bedroom house not nearly as big or as nice as his kids or bm. Bm lives on an estate! I have 3 kids of my own not with dh and their dad isn't interested in them. My kids are 8,9,and 11. All girls.
I work for dhs company in the office. It pains me to see bm waltz in like her sh#t doesn't stink!! Dh never spends money on anything and I don't have access to his accounts. He pays everything and I buy groceries with my money. His car is 8 yrs old and his clothes are older. He won't treat himself or us to anything. I told him that I want to take my kids skiing this year like our friends take their kids and he said no but I saw a text where bm asked if he wanted to buy sd new ski clothes/boots/skis for Christmas since she needed them and he said yes.
He and bm broke up because they both wanted to sleep with other people and sd was a result after their split of a drunken party hook up. I'm not even sure sd is his but she looks a lot like her brothers. She is the girl version of them. Speaking of her brothers, they adore sd and ignore my kids. They go to all her events but none of my kids stuff. When my kids see them they are nice enough to them and polite but they won't treat them like they do sd. Sd goes everywhere with ss's and they girlfriends and she is treated to so much and my girls are hurt having to watch this. Well that's my complaint and introduction. Please don't say I broke them up, they were split and dating others long before me and neither want to be with each other.
Comments
This isn't your husband.
This isn't your husband. Either enjoy the ride of having to only buy groceries and living for free in his house, or go find someone else. You aren't BM, you aren't rich like her and therefore your kids aren't rich like her. You can't even compare the two. Your "BOYFRIEND" has no obligation to buy your daughters a thing. That's all on your and their father.
Sorry to be blunt, but you aren't his wife and your kids are not his kids
We live together as a family
We live together as a family and my dds call him dad. We've talked about him adopting them one day so he is their dad or he will be.
You've talked to a man that
You've talked to a man that is married to another woman about adopting your kids?!
Pass the joint smokey because you got the good shi*. LOL, but seriously you can't really think that he will ever divorce BM right?
My girls would have to be
My girls would have to be over 18 since I doubt their dad would allow it anyway so him being married wouldn't matter.
"My girls would have to be
"My girls would have to be over 18 since I doubt their dad would allow it anyway so him being married wouldn't matter."
Sooooo, is this just a ploy to get your kids in on the loot?
You can live together however
You can live together however you want, your kids can call him Dad, Daddy, Dada. Fact of the matter, he is not, probably never will be. And I'm pretty sure he can't adopt kids while married to someone else who is not going to adopt those kids. Do you get that he is MARRIED, in a legal union with someone else. You are playing house, that's it. Enjoy the ride sister, enjoy only paying for groceries because that's all you are getting out of this.
You better hope he has you in his will because if he dies suddenly, you will be getting the boot out of that house so fast your head will spin. His WIFE will put it up for sale and divide the $ among your boyfriend's children
You want the married man that
You want the married man that you live with to adopt your kids????
If you work and ONLY have to buy groceries, why can't you pay to take your kids on vacation???
Why should this man's son's be expected to treat your kids the same way they treat their sister?
He is a multi millionaire and
He is a multi millionaire and he won't spend his money because he is cheap. He wears clothes that are over 8 years old. His car is 8 years old. Are you sure he is a millionaire? There is something that is off with this guy. :?
He's rich and cheap. I don't
He's rich and cheap. I don't get it but everyone makes fun of him for buying happy meals for lunch instead of an adult meal because it's cheaper.
LOL I am not sure if you are
LOL I am not sure if you are making a joke but this is pretty funny.
It's not a joke. Clark Howard
It's not a joke. Clark Howard does the same thing which he reminds me everytime I roll my eyes.
I’ve always heard “Rich
I’ve always heard “Rich people stay rich for a reason” (they don’t spend their money). He probably knows if he gives her an inch she’ll take the mile and he’ll be out of pocket in no time.
Sounds like he's only cheap
Sounds like he's only cheap when it comes to you and your family, not his actual wife and bio children.
He hasn't bought his (ex)
He hasn't bought his (ex) wife anything but he does spoil his children and isn't cheap with them at all.
What about you? Does he buy
What about you? Does he buy you things? Do you have a ring from this guy?
He paid for my brothers
He paid for my brothers funeral without me having to ask. That included flying my parents in and paying for their lodging. He doesn't buy me big expensive things no. I do have a ring but it was only $2500.
That's nice. he bought you a
That's nice. he bought you a ring. Does he have a will? If so is BM in it? That is what you should find out.
Not to be rude, but stating
Not to be rude, but stating that he only bought you $2500 ring makes you sound a little greedy. I think right now you’re just incredibly jealous of the lifestyle his wife and children have. You have a very good lifestyle and you should be grateful. But you want her lifestyle, the more extravagant one. It’s not your life to have. It’s her life to have. I would find a way to stop being jealous.
And if his adult children are not connecting to your younger daughters, that’s pretty normal. And of course they’re going to treat their sister different then your children.
A little greedy????LOL
A little greedy????LOL
I’m trying to say it in the
I’m trying to say it in the softer and kinder way. Lol
Only $2500... my wedding ring
Only $2500... my wedding ring was $200 lol. That's not very cheap to us poor folk out here!
The guy is a so called multi
The guy is a so called multi millionaire so a $2500 ring is cheap if you have that kind of money. But she claims he is cheap but I'm not so sure he is a millionaire. :?
Eh, I've known a couple of
Eh, I've known a couple of mil+ guys through family friendships and business. One of them (that I know best - an honorary uncle of sorts) shops at Walmart for clothing and IKEA for whatever furniture he doesn't build himself. If there's a cheap (but acceptable quality) alternative - that's what he picks. He lives in a 2 bedroom house on a tropical island without AC. He sleeps in a hammock during the hot season. He'd never spend more than 1k on jewelry for a GF because it serves no purpose in his mind. On the other hand he dropped over 30k on a blinged-out 9mm and shooting lessons for his GF at the time so she could protect herself, so I guess it depends on your priorities.
One of the other guys was really generous to his wife and kids, but MISERLY to everyone else. If you shared a cab with him he'd only pay for his 'portion'. At dinner gatherings he used to try to tell everyone that the restaurant only accepted cash, then take the cash for everyone else's meal for himself and put the whole tab on his CC so he could get the points.
I can't respond to anything else on this thread or I'll be at risk of getting banned, but there are definitely guys out there who are "cheap" to GFs.
I’d be pissed at my husband
I’d be pissed at my husband if you ever spent $2500 on a ring for me. And it is something we could do but that’s not where I want to put my money. I’d rather travel.... I would rather have experiences then have things. Thankfully my husband and I on the same page about that.
People (cough cough)put too much value on the cost of things in my opinion.
Oh I get your point but this
Oh I get your point but this guy is a multi millionaire. Could you imagine having that kind of money to travel with. But at the end of the day you are right people do put to much value on the cost of things. It is not how much money you have it is what kind of person you are. The best things in life are free!
Love your post. Funny how
Love your post. Funny how some people think about money. But to be honest I dislike cheap people. I am not talking about people who need to watch their pennies. I am talking about people who have money and are to cheap to spend it.
It really does depend on your
It really does depend on your priorities, though. The first guy I talked about retired at 38 and has been inventing and selling those patents ever since. He'll spend his money on buying what he needs without a qualm. And he does donate hugely to charity. He lost all 3 of his children to an alienating BM - they refer to him as the 'POS who abandoned us and refused to pay mom her fair share.' He just doesn't see things as valuable. He sees experiences and learning/education as valuable.
i knew everyone would get
i knew everyone would get stuck on the he is married part but it's on paper only.
On paper AND in finances. It
On paper AND in finances.
It wouldn't matter if he was divorced and you married this afternoon. He still owes your children nothing in the way of skiing or vacations or fancy clothing or anything else.
So all you pay for is food? What do you do with the rest of your income you earn from working? Maybe it's time to either ask BM for a raise or to seek other employment. Does the bio-father of your kids pay CS? Surely between just paying for food and receiving CS (or not) you should have something left on payday.
"i knew everyone would get
"i knew everyone would get stuck on the he is married part but it's on paper only.
"
That's the part that matters.
The fact that you seem to want to stick your hands in their pockets also matter
Paper matters for legal
Paper matters for legal reasons. Something happens to him, in the law she takes presidence... All of his assets go to her basically (except possibly a will, but I've heard they can contest those too) if he should pass, leaving you with virtually nothing at all... like it super screws you over just because you aren't married to him. Cuz lawfully they're connected, whereas lawfully you two aren't.
As a live in mistress who
As a live in mistress who knows your man "won't" get divorced because he's kow towing to his wife who controls his livlihood, you're pretty optimistic. I'm not sure if your man could adopt your children w/out the consent of his legal wife. I don't know much about adoption laws but if only one part of the couple wants to adopt and not the other I can't imagine it going through.
I'm really suprised that the wife has not fired you yet. You're shacking up w/her husband and she has to see you when she goes to work. This whole situation is sheer lunacy and probably great entertainment for the office you work in.
Sorry but my sympathy meter is just not registering here. You're the third wheel.
She doesn't care because they
She doesn't care because they are only married for the company profits. He can adopt them when they turn 18 so that they can share in his inheritance.
"so that they can share in
"so that they can share in his inheritance."
Even if he did succeed in adopting your children there is no guarantee that they would get a cent of inheritance. He may will it all to his bio children and I'm sure BM and the bio children would do whatever they could to prevent your children profiting from your boyfriends death. She would care when she realizes that her own children would lose out to your children and I'm sure his children would persuade him from legal adoption of adults who only want his money.
Slow day at the office? Your
Slow day at the office?
Your BF wont pay for a weekend get away for your kids, what makes you think he will be leaving anything to your children?
let's try another angle. Why
let's try another angle.
Why would you want to be with someone who is only interested in the company profits? Does money mean that much to you?
Now you want YOUR kids to inherit his money?
I gotta go before I say something that will get me booted.
Yeah walk on by.
Yeah walk on by.
Newwoman can he get a legal
Newwoman can he get a legal separation?
So you’re trying to get him
So you’re trying to get him to adopt your children so they can get some of his money? Holy smokes.
See, everything revolves
See, everything revolves around money with you.
If he is still married to his wife when your kids turn 18, she's not going to go along with your get rich quick scheme.
From reading your post I have
From reading your post I have empathy for you. You are with a man who will not divorce his wife. There really is no solid future for you if your intention is to be his spouse.
Putting that aside, this situation is not good for your daughters. 1. you are showing them that it is ok to live with a married man. Maybe they do not understand that now if they are too young, but they will one day. 2. Your daughters live a daily life with the split of the haves and have not. What a horrible toll to take on their self worth. 3. Does it really matter how much money this man has? I mean its not like he is generous to you with this, or your daughters. This obviously bothers you. This resentment will continue to grow. 4. You have no long term security with this man because he is married. As another poster has said if he passes away you will be turfed from this home guaranteed. Again how is this good for your daughters?
Dovina you are so right. I
Dovina you are so right. I hope she reads this post a few times so it will sink in.
On paper and financially.
On paper and financially. Far, far, far wealthier people who have a business and property and investments, etc. get divorced all the time. Heck Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are divorced. Reese Witherspoon divorced. Drew Barrymore divorced. Katy Perry divorced. And on and on the list goes of very wealthy people who divorced.
There's no way on this planet your SO and his wife have more than any of those famous people do. They can divorce but your SO can't?!
It's a load of bullship. You. Are. The. Other. Woman.
You are the side piece while his WIFE struts around their company all day enjoying the power she still has over her husband. While you sit there at a desk feeling angry.
No man is worth that level of humiliation. I don't give a flying frog fart how much money he has.
Love yourself more and go find a man who will make you Number 1 in his life. You deserve way better.
Cooooookies when people have
Cooooookies when people have this kind of wealth money is their whole life. He isn't getting a divorce because he is "cheap" and his business is his life. I think that Dovina's post says it all why she should get out. But she has to make that decision on her own.
She does have to make that
She does have to make that decision on her own. I'd bet she's not quite ready as she keeps saying it's only on paper. Reality is if that OP truly believed that, she wouldn't be here on StepTalk trying to get our approval to try and ease her anger with the situation.
OP this is a great site for support, it really is. However, we are not Yes Men. We won't give you puppies and rainbows because that's what you're looking for. We will give you honesty and life experience and good solid advice...and a bit of a kick in the arse of some reality.
And the reality is you are, and probably will remain, in second place. If you're good with this then cool...each to their own, rock on. But you're here seeking advice so my guess is that you're not okay with it. We don't blame you as majority of anyone wouldn't be. Question is: what do you want to do?
I knew a woman that lived
I knew a woman that lived common law with her partner for over 20 years. Although separated, he was still legally married to his so called EX. Because he was still married to his EX, the day he died EVERYTHING he had went to her not his common law wife and there was nothing this woman could do. The EX wife was also in a long term common law relationship, didn't need the money and could have let the woman have the assets but instead she took everything because it was her entitlement and didn't give a rats a$$ that this other woman was left with nothing.
So if this man is saying he can't get a divorce, I call Bull. And if she bought him out why on earth would he care if she makes the business fail? It's no longer his problem.
^^^^THIS^^^ I also know of
^^^^THIS^^^
I also know of someone who lived with their "fiance" for over 20 years. he died suddenly (at age 51). Here come the 2 kids he hadn't seen in years to claim all their inheritance. The live-in Fiance was kicked out of the house and is now living with her parents.
When someone is "married on paper" They are married. period.
I am sure divorced people can
I am sure divorced people can still run companies as partners especially if it benefits both of the to do so.
Honey, when he dies you will get nothing. His wife will turn up and change the locks and give you and your daughters 24 hrs to clear out of 'her' house. Is this vindictive and mean? Yes. But she will and she can. You will have to resort to Plan B (if you have one) for the rest of your life.
Also consider the fact he and she wanted to leave the marriage and sleep with other people which is exactly what they are doing. Still married and sleeping with other people. Also consider this .... if she would make a killing by divorcing, why hasn't she done so? She could always employ him. No, they are playing some twisted connected buy connected game and you and your daughters will be the collateral damage.
And is this the example you want your daughters to follow? Hook up with some rich guy who doesn't spend a cent on you and allow him to treat you with absolute disrespect so you can have a man.
What is the end game here? Is
What is the end game here? Is there a point at which in the future your partner would consider divorcing his ex? Or is this going on until one of them dies?
Your partner is telling you that the few million that he would loose in a divorce are worth more than you and your relationship.
Is he miserly now, but investing for your joint future? Does he have a trust set up for you or has he similarly protected you? Are you using any of the money you are saving in rent and bills to save for yourself and your kids? I hope so.
Here is my quick list of advice from your post:
1. If BM is obnoxious and you only see her at work, get a new job.
2. If you want your kids to do more expensive activities or have more then you need to earn more or get some child support from their father
3. If you don’t want your kids to be jealous then teach them to not be materialistic or remove them from that environment.
4. If sd boasts, tell her to stop.
5. Your adult ss’s are respectful, be content they are not causing chaos
6. Your partner is cheap but does provide for you. Be thankful but make sure that you protect your and your kids futures financially.
7. Stop believing your partner when he says that he cannot divorce his ex. He just values the money he MIGHT loose more than he does your relationship and he has no confidence of building up the business himself for some reason.
8. Work on your jealousy issues, these are yours and nothing to do with anyone else. Get over it or remove yourself from that environment.