SD Getting Needier and Needier in her Senior Year
So, YSD has been kind of weird and clingy lately. Last week, after getting upset that DH and I went to a movie she was interested in without her, she dropped by the very next day after school with a hamster she'd bought for herself and proceeded to hang out for the rest of the afternoon, setting up the equipment, monopolizing the TV, and singing loudly along with the dumb musical she was watching...talking loudly at her dad...while I was trying to work...during our off week. It felt oddly territorial...since it was the very next day.
Yesterday, DH came and got me from work (car was getting an oil change and tune-up).
I was at work for a short day...I don't normally go in on Wednesdays, but had a couple morning meetings. So it's around noon and we're driving home and DH says: "What did you have planned for lunch?"
When I told him I didn't have any plans he said: "Great! YSD texted me a few minutes ago and asked if we could take her to lunch!"
So we met up with YSD and bought her lunch, which she barely ate.
Man. I don't know if I can handle this deal where she reaches out / comes over / hits us up for food and entertainment multiple times every single week. Getting so tired of it. She gets out around noon now that she's a senior, so I foresee lots of these mid-day surprise visits in my future.
Trying to relax and just let my DH have this time with his daughter...but also wanting some structure and consistency in my life.
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I would feel the same way.
I would feel the same way. At this age they should be much more independent, but we know that is not always the sace with step children. I would not participate. Find something esle to do when she does this - take the time for you
I'm going to try. Getting
I'm going to try. Getting extra annoyed this weekend because my DH went away for work yesterday and today, and then he has work in another city Sunday through Tuesday. It's a YSD weekend -- originally he was going to reschedule the visitation and hang out in the first city for an extra day (we have some friends and business colleagues there who he could visit/meet with) and then drive to the second city on Saturday (where we also have some friends/business colleagues).
I thought this was an awesome plan in terms of him maximizing the value of his business travel...and was really looking forward to the 5 free nights to get my own stuff done...work has been really hectic lately. On Wednesday he told me that he's NOT moving the visitation weekend...he's coming home in between, instead, starting this afternoon...he'll have to leave Sunday but "YSD can just hang out with you Sunday and go to school from our house Monday morning."
So...just like that...my 5 nights went down to 2 nights with a YSD visit right in the middle. It's so, so maddening...and I can't help but wonder if he told YSD his original plan and she pouted or made a fuss about it in some way so he reworked the whole thing on the spot.
Oh no, he didn't. Tell him in
Oh no, he didn't. Tell him in no uncertain terms that if he's not there, she's not there. When he leaves Sunday, she does too. He doesn't get to make your plans for you.
Doesn't she have any friends?
Doesn't she have any friends? The last thing I wanted to do when I was a senior, was hang out with my dad.
"YSD can just hang out with you Sunday and go to school from our house Monday morning."
Why would he just assume this is okay?
Yeah, she does - but her
Yeah, she does - but her closest friend went to a specialty boarding school for her senior year. YSD is also very close to her older brother who just left for college 4 hours away last week.
According to DH, she's feeling lost and lonely.
She needs to develop an
She needs to develop an imaginary friend if she's feeling lost and lonely. I'm with ntm - if your DH isn't there, his kid doesn't need to be there, either. Hell, they can leave at the same time if it makes them both feel better.
Don't you love it when they
Don't you love it when they say "they can just hang with you"? UGH - NO THANK YOU! I have gotten that, but not for those length of time, BUT, my SO travels at times for work too. Right now he only does it when he does not have his daughter. I need to talk to him about this before we buy a house and get married. I want him to still plan this when he does not have his daughter! None of that should change because I am around. I have my own two to take care of, and work and need my own time as well.
Definitely make this clear as
Definitely make this clear as soon as possible, that you will NOT be the live in baby sitter.
In the 10 years of visitation with my SD, I watched her once for a couple of hours when DH had to work on a Saturday morning. She was a good kid so it was no big deal, but it was not a reoccurring thing and DH did not just expect it of me.
Well, to be clear - DH is
Well, to be clear - DH is coming home today rather than extending his business trip through tomorrow and heading straight to the second one, extending that one on the front end. He'll be here tonight and tomorrow night. It's just Sunday night where he's saying YSD can just "hang until Monday."
Honestly...he's done this before when he's had to leave Sunday afternoon in order to be somewhere bright and early Monday morning. YSD is 17, so I don't feel I'm babysitting her...it's just this time, it's insult to injury as I was looking forward to having the 5 nights to myself completely...and was planning to pull apart my office and reorganize it for the fall. For some reason, I've never been comfortable doing work like this in front of other people...so I feel like it puts a damper on my plans.
A couple times when he's done this Sunday thing, YSD has gone back to BM's anyway after DH leaves...because she often works early Monday morning before school and BM's is much closer to work. Hoping this happens this time...would love to suggest it to her if I felt I could do it without seeming mean.