Well I got compared to the G-parents
Last night SS had football practice as SO and him were leaving he comes back and asks if I am going. I said I might walk down but I really want to clean. I have been dying to like super clean clean the floors in the house and they were both gone so perfect. We have all hardwood and the place that finished them for us told us to do a water and vinegar mix to clean them really good.
Anyway I got carried away with cleaning and like 7:30 I saw the time and realized ok well I am not making it texted my SO and told him. SS was a little disappointed but oh well I wanted to do what I wanted to do. Told him before I said goodnight to him I was sorry. Here is how the rest of the convo played out.
Ash: Sorry I did not make it I really needed to clean.
SS: Really you just had to clean (snotty)
Ash: Yeah I had to clean it had to get done
SS: You clean a lot G-Mom and G-dad never cleaned and their house was cleaner than ours.
Ash: I had to clean and their house was not cleaner than ours
SS: Their basement was cleaner than ours
Ash: No it is not
SS: I always have white stuff on my socks when I come up from the basement
Ash: They had a finished basement and our is not
SS: I did not know that or what that was
Literally this little kid made a dig at my cleaning because he was upset about me missing his practice. By the way our house and floors are way cleaner than my future in-laws we have two cats and dog so I am always swiffering and vacuuming and cleaning because of all the animals. I hate when it smells. Also to note they cleaned and had a pretty clean house but growing up my SO's mom stayed at home until he was almost out of high school. SO's dad is retired and has been for the last 9 years so someone has always been home to cook and clean.
I grew up cleaning every weekend because I had two working parents. I so badly wanted to say well honey I work for living and and do not stay at home all the time to just cater to everyone around me. I didn't I never once made a dig at the g-parents or anything that sounded like it might be. I know he is only 8 and I should not care but it stung a little because I try really hard to have a very clean house. My SO cleans too.
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Comments
This is why kids should be
This is why kids should be not be allowed to talk back to adults. He was rude and the conversation should have been shut down.
You really don't need to
You really don't need to explain yourself to an 8 year old. You couldn't make it, period. No use arguing with a 8 year old, either, they think they know everything. You should have shut that convo down.
Don't argue with an 8yo.
Don't argue with an 8yo. Here's how the convo should have gone:
Ash: Sorry I did not make it Cleaning took longer than I though it would.
SS: Really you just had to clean (snotty)
Ash: Yes
SS: You clean a lot G-Mom and G-dad never cleaned and their house was cleaner than ours.
Ash: That's nice
SS: Their basement was cleaner than ours
Ash: That's nice
SS: I always have white stuff on my socks when I come up from the basement
Ash: The socks will wash.
SS: I did not know that or what that was
I agree, I was just so caught
I agree, I was just so caught off guard. I told SO well guess who is cleaning the bathroom this weekend. I am going to make him scrub.
My boys always had to clean
My boys always had to clean the bathrooms growing up.
It stopped them from peeing on the floor.
This is another version of
This is another version of how it could have been handled:
Ash: Sorry I did not make it Cleaning took longer than I though it would.
SS: Really you just had to clean (snotty)
Ash: That is a rude thing to say. You should not talk back to adults.
SS: You clean a lot G-Mom and G-dad never cleaned and their house was cleaner than ours.
Ash: you are being very rude now. Think carefully your words.
SS: Their basement was cleaner than ours
Ash: That's nice, you can spend tomorrow cleaning it and then you can clean the bathroom too.
SS: That's not fair
Ash: When you are rude to adults there are consequences.
SS: ....
That works if you are allowed
That works if you are allowed to give your skids consequences for that crappy behavior. :?
I am. My SO and I had that
I am. My SO and I had that conversation prior to moving in. He parents and does a lot but has no problem with me laying down the law either. My SO feels I have just as much say over SS as he does because SS lives in our home and we are the adults and we pay the bills. He is really good about that stuff.
This is how the conversation
This is how the conversation should have gone:
Ash: Sorry I did not make it I really needed to clean.
SS: Really you just had to clean (snotty)
-Ash doesn't respond-
And wasn't SO there? If so, I wouldn't have texted SS in the first place. I would have let SO know that I wouldn't be able to make it. And if SS came back acting like a snot, I would have said, "Sorry, bud, maybe next time." and leave it at that. No excuses, no response to that rude back talk. And if there was ongoing backtalk? You shut that sh!t down, no one has a right to talk to you like that, ESPECIALLY not a child!
I can't tell you how much I cringe when I hear a kid being rude to an adult. Once SD8 was on the phone with BM and being ridiculously rude (it always blows my mind because she's fairly polite to me, but the way she talks to her grandparents/BM is appalling). I don't give a flying you-know-what about BM or her feelings, but I had to stop SD right there and say YOU DO NOT SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT. Not yelling, just very sternly. That's all I needed to say - you bet she watches her mouth now (at least when I'm within ear shot)
I did text SO. Trust me I
I did text SO. Trust me I usually do not let him talk to me like that. I was tired and just caught off guard. I will try next time to just not respond.
Poor you Ash! I am a clean
Poor you Ash! I am a clean freak too, I feel your pain, what a brat. I agree with the above posters. But what's done is done, and next time you will be armed.
The kid was upset you missed
The kid was upset you missed his practice so you could clean. I understand that and your lucky that he cares so much about you. Next time trying giving either A yes or no so he doesn't hope your coming.
I understand your point of view but sometimes things are more important then a clean house. He's only going to want you guys around so often.
That being said I agree with other ones about how the texting went. There is no reason to argue with am 8 year old. You don't have to justify all your actions.
I did not text him it was a
I did not text him it was a face to face convo. I agree he will only want us around so long. I was at his practice last night so I do go to them.
What did your DH say while
What did your DH say while you guys were having this conversation?
He was not there he walked
He was not there he walked into SS bedroom towards the end of it.
I don't think the issue is
I don't think the issue is cleanliness or lack of it but time management. I think it's something to work on. I am a clean freak but if I promise to be somewhere, I'll make sure I am there. I just have to manage my time better.
It's understandable that kid was upset, he was just taught that promises aren't important. Saying that, he shouldn't be rude. And you shouldn't bicker and defend yourself with a young kid. That conversation didn't sound right. It's stopping to his level, like two kids talking. And you came across defensive about state of cleanliness of your house. There is no need to tell him that his grandparents' house is not cleaner than yours, no need for that. He is a kid and you are an adult. Don't engage in arguments with kids.
Thank you. It was not a lack
Thank you. It was not a lack of time management I never said I would be there, I said I might walk down. I had to clean during the week this week because in order to do everything on the schedule for this weekend I had to.
I was at his practice on Monday and Thursday so I do go to them. You are right like so many on here I should not stoop to his level.
It's really okay to miss and
It's really okay to miss and do your own thing. These are PRACTICES.
I wouldn't even had said
I wouldn't even had said sorry for not having made it to begin with... I wouldn't have brought it up unless he did, and then acknowledge the feelings.
"why didn't you come?"
"The floors took longer than I thought they would, I'm sorry you were disappointed. Maybe I'll be able to go next time! Goodnight!"
*walk away*
The older the child gets, the
The older the child gets, the more activities and distance to activity things get. For my GS16 (my oldest son's teen), we all take turns and sometimes, depending on location, we all manage to show up at once.
When he started football in sixth grade it was a game every Saturday morning and 6pm every Wednesday evening. Meh, not too bad (except it's 90 drive for me one way). The evening games were assigned to Grandma Duty (that's me) as his Dad either goes into work at 3pm or is jut getting off at 3pm. Saturday mornings were assigned Daddy Duty (my son, GS's father) and on both Wednesday and Saturday unless my mother (GGma) and my sister (Aunt) had other plans , they too tagged along.
The goal was to have at least one of GS's family there for every game. Kid's want to know they have their cheerleader in the stands watching. Your SS had at least three cheerleaders there. The disappointment comes when you left the event open ended. A simple ' tonight with you and Dad out of the house, I need to get this floor done. It's difficult trying to do it with all of us home and it's got to be done. I hope your game is a great game n yes, you can count on me to come watch at least a few times this season, it just can't be this evening'. Give the kid a hug with a wish of good luck and go about cleaning and tending to the floor.
Comparing Grandma's house to your house. Silly child. He might as well announced GMa makes better meatloaf than you. LOL. This is no difference than every SM who hers "but my Mom ______ (fill in blank)", or "That's not how my Mom does it"
If the words are said to you in a snotty mean (to hurt you or deliberately p*ss you off) he needs a "knock the 'tude' kiddo, it's unacceptable and will not be tolerated", if the words are a kid comparing two homes with difference he needs a "people have different ways of doing things an luckily for you you are getting to learn multiple ways" or a flat out "Honey, Gma has been making that meatloaf for 40yrs , I'm glad you enjoy it, but that's her recipe not mine".
As with all kids, this one is going to try you out, Ash. Reality for you should be you don't give a rat's behind how GMa cleans or doesn't clean, this isn't GMa's house. My kids use to get the 'oh, well then feel free to pitch in more if you think our house needs cleaned more' or 'Meh, then don't eat my meatloaf *shrugs* more left overs for me'. Or my favorite, but not until they were teens 'don't you have to go annoy your father for a while?'.
If you didn't promise (I
If you didn't promise (I misread original post) to be there, then you shouldn't even apologize. The kid had his dad with him and that's good, not like you missed his college graduation.
I know right. I should not
I know right. I should not have engaged in little tit for tat with him. Him wanting me there I think comes from so many things. He is happy to have like that mom and dad like his friends have. Also sometimes his my SO's dad, mom, and sister and my SO included in that would all go to his practices and games. He is use to the adult in his life making him the center and focus when he is around. His dad and I do not have that ability as we work full time.
All the adult stuff/daily household stuff like shopping, cleaning, cooking, running errands was done when he was in school or not around. My SO has also had to adapt. We spend so much time running on the weekends because we cant during the week that we do not get much time to do fun things. We try but it is really hard. I am use to this I had two working parents and a single mom. This life is not some huge shock to me. Yes the kid being around 24/7 is new but not a two parent working household. It is for my SO and SS though. Shortly after my SO's mom went back to work his dad retired and took over all the household duties.
I will say it has been interesting. My SO and I grew up so differently.
That's probably why kid
That's probably why kid thinks that grandma and grandpa didn't clean. Clearly it was done, just not when he was home.
Certainly two working adults household is a different game. My OSD often doesn't understand how DH cannot attend this or that or babysit or drive to see her on days of her choice. She brings up how her BM can do this or that for her , like helped her to paint the house and we didn't.
OMG BM never worked and still doesn't work even though she is divorced (hefty alimony and welfare plus we think she might be selling pot from What we heard)! Of course she is available for OSD and SGD. OSD just isn't getting it.
lol, life is certainly
lol, life is certainly different when one has to work
It really is. My SO is doing
It really is. My SO is doing really great with everything and he is a good man. There are times where I am like honey I work for a living. Last night I was running really late and said I would take SS to football. I needed gas and the gas station on my way home and yes literally only one on my exact route was busy and had some construction stuff in the way. I call SO and say hey I can not get him there I will meet you there at the field. SO was like a little grumpy because that was not the plan.
I told him flat our "Well honey I work for living this is not like how you grew up and parents were always available. I have a job and need to keep my job so when I run late you need to adapt. Just like I adapt when you want to work overtime on a Saturday morning."
I think it is great if a parent can stay at home my brother's wife does and it is great for my niece and nephew. When my brother has off they spend their days doing fun things or going places. I so wish we had more time for just fun things. My SO, SS and I do when we can but there are just some weekends we can't because there is a million house things to do to get caught up on.
You should have ignored him
You should have ignored him after the first snotty remark or just sent him to his room. Why argue with a rude and disrespectful child?