Future SS sent kid to Emergency Room by accident!
So I am not posting too many details. The basic gist of this is to get this out of my system before I lose it.
Future SS had a friend over last week and because his friend said the F-bomb SS8 decided it was ok too. Well SO heard what he said and punished SS8. Fast forward to yesterday SO is working nights and was sleeping at our house while his parents had SS during the day. Yes SS still lives there because school just ended here, this weekend SS will be at our house. Anyway the g-parents allowed his friend to come over same one who was cursing a few days ago. Well an accident happened that involved SS, he hurt said kid and kid ended up in the emergency room. SS was doing something he knows is not allowed and has been yelled at for in the past many times. He also told different versions of what happened so not entirely sure what went down.
Before everyone says it, I know not my kid not my problem let SO deal with everything. I am going to. Man oh Man I am so frustrated. Put it this way we are still renovating our house we bought and we have been using SO's savings to fix things. So if homeowners does not cover it we already know that their deductible is pretty high. So if SO has to end up paying well that kinda puts a stall on renovations until we have money. I know this was an accident but one that could have been totally avoided if the g-parents did have this kid over and if SS had followed the rules.
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No they were not told the kid
No they were not told the kid could not come over but SO also had no idea that the kid was coming over. SO and his parents do not communicate. Yes they have insurance. First thing SO said, if I had known that this kid was coming over I would have said no or put a stop to it.
I agree SO probably should have said after the whole f-bomb thing that the kid was not allowed around his son. Honestly not really sure his parents would have listened anyway. When they found out about the f-bomb thing they both laughed and just thought it was funny.
So, your 8 year old SS did
So, your 8 year old SS did something that hurt another kid while at his grandparent's home?
I am guessing that Grandparents homeowners might kick in... then the next line of defense would be the other child's health insurance.
TBH, I don't think that generally I would ask for another family to pay for an injury of my child by another friend (at 8 years old) that was most likely accidental (even if they were doing things they shouldn't have been doing).
So, would worst case be you would pay the other child's out of pocket after his insurance coverage?
Yeah that is worst case. I
Yeah that is worst case. I agree I do not think that I would ask for the money either if it was an accident. We will see.
You forgot one more thing
You forgot one more thing that would have avoided this. The one where Dad has his kid and doesn't leave the kid at grandma's.
If Dad is sleeping he can send his kid to daycare. If Dad is not sleeping he can supervise his own kid. If your renovation cash just went out the window, put the blame on Dad. You're correct in that this is his kid and not yours or grandparents. His kid, supervising his kid is his job whether he works nights or not.
~hands Fruity and Anotherstep
~hands Fruity and Anotherstep spiked coffee~
Fruity, we stepparents have
Fruity, we stepparents have to stick together!!
I haven't watched tv in 2
I haven't watched tv in 2 weeks! :O
The Kid starts daycare next
The Kid starts daycare next week. That has already been planned for months. SS8 and my SO move out of the g-parents house this weekend and into our home. SO has been sleeping at our house at future in-laws have been getting their house ready to sell so if he stayed there he would get no sleep.
Ok, but that doesn't explain
Ok, but that doesn't explain why kid is at grandparents this week. Daycare next week is good. But if house is so Dad can sleep in it, kid can also be in it. Hire a home babysitter to watch kid in house while Dad snores.
Always too easy to blame everyone but who is at fault. You just said above, Dad did not tell his mother that the potty mouth kid wasn't to come back. Is his parents suppose to read their son's mind? Just know that Dad didn't ever want grandson to have this kid again? Dad just rammed his kid for copying the potty mouth...here is where Dad then turns to his mother and says "Mom, I don't want potty mouth kid back over here playing with my son" and where GMa says "ok". If GMa says "heh, I ill babysit grandson however I please" this is where Dad takes kid out of house to his new house, sleeping or not. The kid is not the grandparents responsibility. They have done your guy a huge favor by allowing him and his son to live there and to care for the child in Dad's absence.
But yeah, blame the grandparents for Dad's lack of parenting. *shrugs*
Hmmmmmm, I wonder these grandparents can take their grandson who lives with them as an credit on their taxes? Has lived in their home over 50% this year.
"Always too easy to blame
"Always too easy to blame everyone but who is at fault."
Very true twoviewpoints.
I get SO made a mistake. So
I get SO made a mistake. So did the g-parents. They all did.
How in the world did the
How in the world did the grandparents make a mistake when dad never told them to keep the other kids away???? :? :?
Again they all screwed up.
Again they all screwed up. Even SS8. This happened due to everyone not communication and poor judgement.
SO - Probably should have said the kid is not allowed over after the whole cursing thing. I am sure he thought his parents would not have the kid over either. I do not know I can not read minds.
G-Parents - Should have possibly kept a better eye on things. Also I would think as an adult, well this is the same kid that my grandson already got in trouble with so maybe he should come over.
SS - No following the rules and not listening.
I also understand accidents happen and there is probably no one to really blame in this situation. I am just really hoping this does not come back to bit anyone.
Who care if he doesn't get
Who care if he doesn't get sleep????
He's a parent. Watching his kid is his job, not his parents. The inlaws should not be blamed for dad dropping the ball.
If the kids parents are
If the kids parents are reasonable people it's unlikely they will demand payment. It's great that your SO had savings to begin with that can act as an emergency fund if need be.
I hope you are right that
I hope you are right that they will not demand payment. This situation is all screwy because part of me looks at well the g-parents agreed to watch both the boys and obviously were not keeping an eye on them. They were inside when all this happened. I kinda feel like they are responsible. The other part of me is like well it is my SO's kid who did it.
Also when my SO is there and his son has a friend over he goes outside with them and watches them. When they are inside playing he is checking in on them constantly. I have witnessed this in person.
Accidents happen but 8 is a
Accidents happen but 8 is a perfectly reasonable age to have a little independence playing outside without an adult needing to pull up a lawn chair to watch their every move. I would not fault the grandparents for not buying into the helicopter parenting nonsense.
I agree on the whole not
I agree on the whole not helicopter thing. SS goes and plays outside when I am watching him all the time. I just pop my head out once in a while to make sure he is good or look out the window. You are right it a reasonable age. There has been some other things that happened recently with his parents. SO kept hoping things could not get worse and just trying to wait out these last few weeks. Lately every time we turn around it has been something else. It will all be different soon.
"SS was doing something he
"SS was doing something he knows is not allowed and has been yelled at for in the past many times."
Stop blaming the grandparents for your SO's lack of parenting skills. Obviously whatever happened the kid has repeatedly did before. You already said so.
"SS goes and plays outside when I am watching him all the time. I just pop my head out once in a while to make sure he is good or look out the window."
You're blaming the grandparents for not well supervising, but then say this of yourself.
The kid isn't "visiting" his grandparents. The kid lives there and has for many years. It's the father who wasn't home. It's the father who chose to go elsewhere and sleep so his kid wouldn't disturb him. It's his father who has been on this kid before "many many times' for doing what this kid did. I suppose yelling at the kid isn't cutting it. I suppose someone whether you or the grandparents poking their heads out once in awhile isn't cutting it. You just admitted this same thing could have happened had it been you there babysitting.
You can keep telling here it's everybody's fault and somehow due to not communicating , but it's time to look at and blame the guy sleeping.
Honestly how was the guy I am
Honestly how was the guy I am sleeping with suppose to know that this was going to happen. It could have happened if he was there as well. So everyone made mistakes in this situation.
You said it they agreed to letting this kid live with them and made a decision a long time ago to help raise this kid. The kid was in their care and under their supervision, they also always say to me well we raised SS. Well if you want to take responsibility for raising him than well wouldn't it kinda be on them.
If he had been there he would have been upstairs sleeping while all this was happening and the g-parents would still have been watching his son. He got a job so he would not be traveling anymore so he would be home. yes arrangements have been made for child care. It has waited because we have not been able to move his son to the new house until school was over. Now it is over and well we can not move mid-week we both work.
My SO could not have predicted this would happen. It was an accident but lessons will be learned from this as what to do to hopefully not have it happen again.
This whole situation and dynamic is crazy.
"My SO could not have
"My SO could not have predicted this would happen."
Does not belong in same conversation as:
"SS was doing something he knows is not allowed and has been yelled at for in the past many times."
As you prefer to not go into detail as to what kid did nor exactly what type of accident it was or how it was caused, it's hard to specifically say what could have avoided it. Example, taken item away long ago, or removed the danger of this or that or ____________(fill in blank)...but denying the continued potential for it to happen as the kid has been yelled at for it in the past is deliberately trying to excuse Dad's parental responsibility.
"yelled at for in the past many times" indicates it was an incident waiting to wait to happen.
Boy is pretty injured. It was
Boy is pretty injured. It was not life threatening but there is damage. Honestly I kinda see it as negligence because the g-parents agreed to watch two 8 year old boys. They were both inside when this happened while the boys were outside. First thing I asked my SO was where were your parents when all this happened.
Depending on the kind of people they are they might see that as negligence. IDK.
His parents took him to the
His parents took him to the ER I think. That is all that I will say again I do not want give out too much details.
Yeah I am preparing myself. I
Yeah I am preparing myself. I am just torn on who is really responsible for all this. Yes it is my SO's son I get that but it happened at the g-parents house while both kids were under their care. This is not going to turn out pretty.
why are you stressed
why are you stressed out...
not your kid, not your house, let the people responsible for him deal with it
Because if SO does pay out it
Because if SO does pay out it does effect me too. We are in the middle of still renovating our house.
Are you thinking you will
Are you thinking you will have to just pay emergency room bills and doctor follow up bills or more? Like pain and suffering?
I honestly do not know at
I honestly do not know at this point. I think the parent will end up wanting something.
So what. It didn't happen at
So what. It didn't happen at your house, and it didn't happen under your care.
It happened at GParent's house, under their care.
Seems bitchy to say - but it's their problem, not yours.
We have a wooden swing in our
We have a wooden swing in our backyard. The neighbor girl/friend was over and some new kids to the neighborhood came over and one of the kids was swinging that swing around and let it go and BAM it slammed into the girls head and cracked her head. She only ended up needing 2 stitches but there was so much blood I thought her head was cracked open.
DH was outside working on the lawn mower (not paying attention) and I had literally went inside to go pee when it all happened.
We offered to pay their hospital bill but I think they had government insurance so they didn't have to pay anything out of pocket. I was grateful though that they didn't make it a bigger deal. We felt awful about it.
Sorry this happened. Kids do stupid stuff. When my BS was 4 he jumped off the top of the playground equipment at his daycare. Broke his arm. Yes they should have REALLY been watching him better. They did pay all of the out of pocket expenses for stuff thankfully.
I know this was an accident.
I know this was an accident. When I was little my friend fell at our house on the slide, they were metal back than and cracked her head open. I think maybe she got a few stitches but not that bad. My brother fell when we were goofing on and cracked his head open and had to get two staples in his head. I know accidents happen all the time.
My SO's parents were both inside doing I have no clue what. SS really knew better so he got into plenty of trouble too. He knows the rules and he broke the rule and this is what happened. He is in a lot of trouble right now.
OP said, "...SO and his
OP said, "...SO and his parents do not communicate."
I'm uncertain what this means. If his child is at their house, WHO is making the arrangements?? :?
SO talked to his mom that
SO talked to his mom that morning and she did not mention a friend was coming over. That is what I mean by do not communicate. Unless my SO asks specifically what they are going to do and what the plans are they do not tell SO anything about his son unless it is something bad. This dynamic is caused by all parties involved. My SO has made his mistakes and has depended on his parents to assist with his son in taking care of him. That has created a dynamic where they do not respect him as a parent or an adult at all. I have witnessed it. I do not blame them or him it is what it is at this point. Things will be changing and be very different once SO, SS and I our in our home.
I do not know if they will ever respect him or not.
SO didn't bail. He has been
SO didn't bail. He has been around the entire time. He took his son to daycare when his was an infant when he had to work. He even admits he made mistakes and has been trying to make things better for him and his son.
He has a good job and saved money to buy a house for him and his son these last few years. So pretty sure that make a decent adult. He does not go out with his friends and just leave his parents to do everything. He does a lot but as a single parent he needed help too.
He was able to save money for
He was able to save money for that hime because his parents allowed him to live with them for the last 8 years.
Based on what you have posted in your other blogs, the grandmother and aunt did all of the major parenting. Your SO helped them out with his son here and there, but giving him the credit for parenting/raising his son is a joke.
Seriously you are going to
Seriously you are going to pass judgement just on posts I make. I do not divulge all the details on here. His aunt was only ever an Aunt and that was it. I have said and even my so admits it that when SS was really little like baby up to about 2 he should have done more. He was there every night he did change diapers and feed his son in the middle of the night. He took him to daycare and to the doctors. He also took SS's mother to court to ensure he had full custody, he has learned over the years and he is becoming a better parent every single day. His old job of traveling took him way so yeah his parents really helped. When he was home which was more than half the year he did parent his son and was very responsible.
I get why he was able to save money. His parents also never forced him out of the house or told my SO hey you need to get out or we are tired of this. They never said anything to my SO about getting out and being more responsible and adult. Nope they just tell me that all the time and rarely ever say a positive word about their son. The plan before I came along was for my SO to buy the a house and his parents to live part of the year with him to help with SS and part in FL. They were even looking up house for my SO to buy and and sending him links of ones they thought would work. Controlling much?
When his mom was forced into retirement and they decided to move to FL two years earlier things changed. They would mention us getting a place and what not kinda. I told SO well I am not moving up to where you live now too far for me to work. I gave him choice either we meet in the middle or we break up. SO decided to meet in the middle and that is when it all started. Ever since that things have just been not great not terrible but not great. I think they are struggling with not knowing every detail about what is going on and transitioning into just being grandparents. Something they do not realize is that they decided to move and force me and my SO to make a decision. We chose to stay together. They really sturggle with my SO really stepping up and being a parent lately. Lets face it he has too. They are not doing well with all this change.
#6 made me think of Chris
#6 made me think of Chris Rock.
I won't post the link because of the language used. But if you search Chris Rock and I TAKE CARE OF MY KIDS, you will see it
I know I should not respond
I know I should not respond to this. SO has been around the whole time. From what I know he discussed it with his parents before taking a job that required him to travel. They agreed and said it was ok.
Again my SO realizes he has made mistakes and is working on fixing them and making changes in his life that will hopefully be the benefit to his son. I had a single parent they need help it is never easy and honestly when my mom married my Stepdad her life and my life got better.
I would like to know people who are able to save money to buy a house when living on their own and raising a kid and paying bills. I lived alone and could barely save myself and I have a good job because I had alot of bills and student loans. The only debt I do have.
Whatever to a lot of what you say. Again you are another person passing judgement without being in my situation or knowing everything. No one is perfect but obviously you expect them to be.
I was a single parent. For
I was a single parent. For the first 8 1/2 years of my son's life we lived in NC while my parents, sisters and several aunts lived here in NYC.
Once I moved back to NYC, I had a lot of help with my son, but I was the one doing the parenting. Being a single parent is no excuse for dumping your responsibilities on others.
He didnt dump them if
He didnt dump them if anything the real mom did.
They both did. He just
They both did. He just happened to do a bit more than the bio mom, but not near as much as his parents and sister
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To be fair, all people on
To be fair, all people on this site can do is take the information that is given and give feedback based on what you tell us. Plus a little bit of deductive reasoning based on what we are told too.
I also have gotten the distinct impression that while your BF has done things for his kid that his parents and sister collectively did more. In fact, I am guessing his parents were still taking care of HIM.
It seems that his newfound desire to actually be a full time parent to the boy emerged after YOU came onto the scene. I seem to recall a sense from your earlier posts that you were pretty interested in becoming a "happy family" and having his sister et al butt out. It wouldn't be a stretch to think that he is willing to take his kid full time because he now has YOUR help instead of his parents.. probably financially as well that makes moving out more comfortable for him. Plus, you are a woman, you can do the child thing too. You seem pretty happy to take on that role too.
The fact that your BF chose to continue to let his kid stay with the grandparents instead of move with him to the new home is telling. He wanted to sleep. He is fine continuing to let others parent his son for him. YOU will be picking up that slack and I hope you are prepared to do it.
I am not saying your BF is a bad person. I'm not saying he has never changed a diaper or tried to do things in his child's best interest. However, he did rely on his family to make his life easier and lived with them for years. Years further in fact than most people would. But when you have full time nannies at your disposal, I guess it's pretty tempting.
You makes some valid points.
You makes some valid points. No the sister is far from being kicked out. Things with her are actually really good lately and she takes SS here and there when she wants to spend time with him. Him and I have discussed my role moving in together and I am disengaging from the get go to some extent. I said I will be home while SO is at work at night and take SS to daycare in the morning. SO will be responsible pretty much for everything else.
I honestly do know who did more I think it was everyone who contributed from what I have witnessed. I have spent plenty of time there and around everyone. His parents have had a hard time letting go of my SO and SS.
I get kids get hurt and get
I get kids get hurt and get into things. My brother got hurt and had stitches and stuff when he was a kid. I never did though. Maybe I got lucky I am not sure. I just do not know what is going to happen is all.
Unfortunately, we live in a
Unfortunately, we live in a world where there are some people that truly believe there are two good ways to become rich. Win the lottery and get a lawsuit against someone.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't think people should be held accountable but I think that awards can be pretty far out of hand. People are also more inclined to shirk their portion of personal responsibility.
Ostensibly, this FOSS was a willing participant in the hijinks that resulted in his injury right? I am guessing that either of the kids took the risk of harm by doing what they did. FOSS just had the run of bad luck that resulted in HIS injury.
Sometimes and accident is just an accident. We could keep our kids in a rubber room, but if you want to live life, there are going to be risks. We can't assume that other people will be able to prevent every bad thing from happening either.
Hopefully these parents are old school and will not feel the need to make someone else pay for a mistake that their own son participated in.
I know my situation is messy,
I know my situation is messy, I am far from stupid on that. I also have taken steps recently to keep it from getting worse and affecting me. Yeah I do love this man but it is not all stars in my eyes I do see him for who he is.
Yeah g=parents not the best substitutes and oh man do I clearly see that right now. Yeah SO should have, my SO even wanted to blame himself for all this because he did not ask more questions and check in more yesterday. He is not pushing the blame here.
You nailed it they do feel they have all the power when it comes to SS but only in certain situations and when it suits them. I have witnessed that as well. They kept telling us that they would be back from a wedding pretty far out of state in time for SO to go to work and to get SS to school. I said and so did my SO are you sure because we can make arrangements if you can't, no no we should be good. Well SO went ahead and took off work anyway just in case and go figure that Sunday around 11 am oh your mom is still sleeping she was up till 4 in the morning we will not make it back. This is just one thing recently. My SO deals with it I stay out of it. I have not been going up there hardly at all and have been keeping my distance because not my parents, not my house, not my responsibility.
I needed to get it out on here today is all.
Best case scenario the kid is
Best case scenario the kid is going to be fine, and the parents have the means and desire to handle the costs associated with the injury themselves.
Worse case scenario they try to sue the GP's or SO with motives of financial gain. Hopefully they're not "that" type of people.
Somewhere in the middle perhaps SO will be on the hook for the emergency visit and that will be the end of it. Depending on the type of injury of course.
My DD's FSD was injured while in MY care. In fact I was three feet away from her talking to her, and watching her play. Everything went horribly wrong in a matter of 3 seconds and she required stitches. . Point being that even if the GP's eyes were on them these things still can happen. I still felt and feel guilty over that situation. Not once while raising my kids did something like this happen. It was just the worst timing ever.
Good luck and best case scenario it'll all work itself without too much pain to anyone's wallet and the little boy will be fine.
Thank you. We will see how it
Thank you. We will see how it all plays out.
First the kid's parent's
First the kid's parent's insurance pays, then grandparents' homeowners covers what the medical insurance doesn't pay. If they have a deductible, the father should pay that, renovations or not. It's his kid. Hope the parents don't end up suing if the injury is kinda bad.
In my experience health
In my experience health insurance companies are reluctant to pay for any injuries that another company might be liable to pay for like car insurance, home insurance or workman's comp.
I tripped and fell over a curb at a convenience store and broke my elbow. It was completely due to my inattention and clumsiness - the store did nothing wrong. My health insurance company wanted me to tell them where the accident happened because they wanted to see if they could hold the store liable for anything. I refused to tell them and they covered the claim anyway - but I think they could have pushed a little more had they wanted to.
I have had physical therapy a couple times simply for issues with my body, no injury was involved. The insurance company wanted to know if it came from a car accident, or any other type of injury, or at work. Again, trying to move the responsibility if it was warranted.
I don't know if any of this will apply to your situation, but it might be something to keep in mind.
You had better prepare
You had better prepare yourself. As I recall they are moving. Once they move you will be the watcher when SO is sleeping. Be prepared to do what you think the grandparents should have done.
Since you are worried about liability, double check your home liability insurance now. Do you have enough? Consider an umbrella policy.