Young stepdaughter pregnant on purpose!
I'm glad this site exist. My husband and kids are fast asleep so it's a good time to get things off my chest and seek advice without anyone in my buisness.
I guess I can start off by an introduction.I am in my mid 30s I have two young daughters one who will be 2 in October and one who will be 4 in January. My husband has a 20 year old daughter who stays with us between semesters. Well on and off between my husband and her mother.
This young woman is very misguided to put it nicely. In all honesty. She is very irresponsible and lazy and does not respect her parents. Especially not me. In the past 5 years I've been in her life she has treated me with nothing but hate in her heart or just ignoring my existence. My husband acts blind to her behavior unless called out or embarrassed by it. I have tried in the past to give my imput but have gotten into so many arguments I just give up.
Last week we found out she is pregnant on purpose by her boyfriend of a few weeks. She is also failing her classes and has decided after my husband pouring thousands of dollars into her education that school isnt for her. The kicker is she doesn't want to work either. She's just not a people person. Her words not mines. This all she said to my husband while breaking the news to him. As she does everything with a blank stare and nonchalant attitude. My husband told her he wont be taking care of her child. If she wants to drop out of school and have a kid she will have to find a way to take care of it and a place to live. Apparently her mother told her the same thing.
I'm just hoping that my husband doesnt cave if her boyfriend who also does not have a job doesn't end up sticking around.Usually all it takes is a " Daddy I'm sorry" and he melts like butter. I dont want to take care of her and a baby. Even if that sounds cruel of me to say. Of course I dont want her and an innocent child on the streets but I also dont want to end up being responsible for it all when my husband inevitably caves. He says this shouldn't affect me because it's concerning his daughter and he will figure it out but he doesn't see that it affects all of us.
Maybe it's awful of me to feel this way. I feel like my husband and her mother should have prepared her for life better and really disciplined her and stuck to consequences. She always just expects to get what she wants when she wants it and that's just not how life works. Hopefully her bringing a child into this world will give her a wake up call big time. I'm just so worried about all of this. My husband didn't want my two cents but it's nice to get it out somewhere. Just because I'm the steparent doesn't mean I should always sit quietly in the corner.
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Comments
Long term it is his grandbaby
Long term it is his grandbaby and when push comes to shove he will help. My dh's grandkids were arduously worked for, including operations, by a 16 year old girl and her family to trap dh's mentally ill son. The girl didn't finish high school and did some rotten things to both to myself and my in laws. But in the long run it doesn't matter to dh and I am stuck dealing with this manipulative conniving girl and her family. Brace yourself.
I can certainly understand
I can certainly understand your DH's involvement in this situation, but I don't see why YOU are stuck dealing with this girl and her family.
My DH's son had a baby with a girl. I've never met any of her family (and as far as I know they seem to be relatively normal). I have now after some horrid actions on their part have eliminated my SS and the baby mamma from my life. My DH is free to go see them, but I have nothing to do with any of them. And they all live nearby.
My DH and I are extremely close. We are often together 24/7 because that's what we want. But we are both free to go spend time with friends and relatives when we want to even if the other person isn't interested.
It is only the major
It is only the major holidays. What they did is so offensive that I hate being in the same room with them. It happens rarely. I am not a good example of releasing the anger. This I admit.
Believe me I'm bracing
Believe me I'm bracing myself. I wish I had a door in my closet like Narnia that opened to Hawaii and no one could follow me. A stepmom could dream. I hate that I'm just expected to put up and shut up all the time.
Hawaii sounds lovely. It has
Hawaii sounds lovely. It has taken a while to get DH to accept my disengagement. If you can get that established early like notasm it will be better.
Get a list of resources ready
Get a list of resources ready and give it to her. If she doesn't want to work, she will have to do something other than live with you.
My SD26 got pregnant on purpose at 17. Her and her BF did get married, had another kid, then divorced. She also refuses to work. DH and I don't give her a dime and she does not live with us. She lives off of the government and my DH is very disappointed in her life choices, which is why we do not help support her in any way. She doesn't even want to help herself, why should we?
DH has tried to steer her in the right direction all of her life but BM's influence has just been too much to overcome.
By the way, my DH knew that marrying me meant that he always gets my two cents! Because yes, these things do affect us step mothers and I will not stay out of something that affects me and my life.
I need some of your gusto to
I need some of your gusto to go up to my husband and say exactly that " he always gets my two cents! Because yes, these things do affect us step mothers and I will not stay out of something that affects me and my life". I am going to make a list of all government help she can get and give a copy to her and my knuckle headed husband.