To me "keeping my nose out of it" means having nothing to do with her - which mandates that she NOT live in your home.

I totally keep my nose out of SS32's life. I do not see him, talk to him, talk about him, or spend any money on him, his GF or their child. I recommend it highly.

I feel your pain. I'm infertile and dh's dd just had twins at 15. 15!! Bm kicked her out while she was in the hospital and dh brought her and her babies to my house. She had nothing, not even car seats (bm wouldn't give us anything she bought for the babies). DH had to buy everything brand new instead of used (to save money) and he's broke now. Our anniversary is this week but he will be to wrapped up helping sd and her babies to even remember. I've spoken up and done the ultimatum and it doesn't work. I wish I could offer advice other then you just have to deal with it.

As long as it does not directly impact you then it's not your circus and not your monkey's as I tell myself.

So BM doesn't matter at all. What she does and does not do is none of your concern other than how it impacts your partner and how he responds. He doesn't want to accept your advice then he doesn't get to vent to you. He's not allowed to take his frustration out on you or become grumpy at you. He doesn't work with you on this then he deals with it on his own.

SD getting pregnant is his issue UNTIL she tries to move in with you. I'd focus on this. It's your home too. You can either put your foot down and tell him flat out you do not accept her moving in or if she does what you will accept and not. For example. I've lived with someone I didn't care for. My room was my haven. We basically ignored each other. We were responsible for our own well being.

If she moves in you are not to be baby sister. You are not cleaning up after her. Your not spending your money for her. Go as far and splitting your bills. He is responsible for his half which includes her upkeep as well as partially supporting your combined children. You are responsible for yourself and your combined children. So for example you cover 2/5 and he the other 3/5.

I think that adults living in a home have a say in what happens in that home. While I can appreciate he may not want to hear moralization, I told you so's or beating down on his daughter's character or intelligence (despite how richly it may be deserved), you should be able to talk to him about the ways in which he may be supporting his daughter in terms of your joint finances (if they are joint) and with regards to her future plans of residence.

Beyond that, he doesn't need to be told how stupid, irresponsible, slutty, negligent, lazy her choices are. Your level of discussion should be in relation to how this is potentially going to impact YOUR life and YOUR home.

So, approaching your DH about what level of assistance he is planning on giving his daughter or whether he would promise to let her live in your home is fair game.

For example, let's say your finances are separate and he has "plenty" of disposable income. Maybe your line in the sand is that he can help her get her own place or supplement what she can get via social services.. but that she will live on her own, not with him and you.

Or, if finances are tight and there is literally nowhere else for her to go, perhaps you both agree to a certain timeline where she can live with you with some conditions like contributing to work around the house and HE will enforce them or the deal is off?

I'm not sure what the end result will be, but while you may not be entitled to give your input to how he parents his child in general, you do have a say when that parenting is infringing on YOUR life.

Once a kid moves in (with her own kid in tow), it's SOOOOO difficult to get them out.

Not only this^^^ but in your other blog, you stated that she has treated you with hatred or flat out ignored you since you have been in her life. Nobody who treats me that way, lives in my home.

I don't like living with people, DH obviously gets a pass. We agreed a long time ago, that no other adult live with us. It's hard on a relationship. Add in your young, impressionable bios and SD's baby... it just doesn't sound like a good time for anybody.

She's 20 years old and this decision she's made is something SHE needs to figure out. Her parents can help her by guiding her and steering her towards the proper resources or whatever but really, she needs to be a grown up, now.

Yep you do. Unfortunately for him, when you marry a man you marry his situation and if it in anyway effects your life, your children's life or your home, then whoop! Looks like your business.

Tell him to get over himself-you want to work with him, not against him-the dynamic of how that plays out is on him and you do have a say.

This is my advice:LEAVE. My SD is facing jail time, she's lost temporary custody of her three kids, the youngest child's father WILL get permanent custody of his child. The court will not allow the father of the other two near his kids. I'm done! My husband doesn't listen! Thanks to MY daughter's efforts HIS grandchildren were found when his daughter went on the run from the law. BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE! GET OUT! I'm almost finished with grad school and will make my move!