I think there are plenty of women who like it, and even more men. But they're not on here! And it's certainly not something anyone wishes for, I'm sure.

"Gee, when I grow up, I wanna get married into a secondhand family and have STEPKIDS!" And no stepkid wants a stepparent. I love both of mine, but given the choice, I'd much prefer to have come from an intact family.

I don't think anyone on this board actually likes it lol. I have it relatively easy in comparison to others here. I consider my issues minor really. For the most part BM does what she does and we do what we do. But my SD is still young, and a good kid. Who knows how it will be in the teen years and as an adult. But even with that, I can't say I LOVE it. I would rather I had fallen in love with a man that didn't have a child. But life just played out this way and I was a hopeful newbie back then with the stupid thoughts that come with it lol. I like SD, heck I can say I love her. But I do wish circumstances would be different.

This is my second go round as a SM. My previous relationship was nearly 10 years and the kids were teenagers. I loved almost every minute of it. The biggest differences being, BM was an awesome mom who always had the kids best interests at heart and DH only had to remind his kids once that I would be respected no matter what! His children minded him, always had. One time in ten years did I ever think one of the skids was disrespectful. Once. He tore into that kid like his life depended on correcting that behavior. It never happened again.
I can't figure out, how come, my DH now, does not weld that kind of power and authority over his kids. Mostly SS8.
So yes some SMs love being a stepmom. I sure did then. His kids were and are great human beings who sincerely cared about their father's feelings and had a desire to make him proud, to make him happy. Maybe they are a rare breed but I sure loved them and enjoyed being with them. I never dreaded interaction with them like I do with SS now. It was pure SM bliss.

I think my kids stepmother likes it . Last night she instagramed a pic of my daughter and her reading a book and captioned it "my night time routine with my love "
With a heart symbol and hash tagged it stepmom. She even used to take my step kids out to Starbucks and mine
Are horrific teenagers. But I think I am not a psycho BM and my kids are respectful.

My parents divorced when I was 25. I had begged them to ever since I was 14. Growing up in that home I saw my family unhappy and full of conflict. Sure when dreaming I'd love my mom and dad to be together but even together I saw how miserable everyone was.

To the question though. I am new at this. I'm dating a man with two kids. I am happy with our relationship and the path it seems to be taking but even I'm not foolish to think I wanted to be a step parent. This is what it is. I love him. To be with him means being right now equivalent to a babysitter to the kids. One day I may be their stepmom. I like the kids well enough and may one day grow to love them more than just "their good kids and I don't have a reason not to". Hopefully everything will turn out in the end but I know it's not all rainbows and unicorns.

I'm in their life because he and his ex couldn't make it work. There will always be pain there for him and the kids. I will NEVER be their mother. No matter how good things turn out it will always be because something didn't.

I am also very aware of what pain maybe ahead. That try as we might we might not make it. The kids might hate me in the future. That there are all sorts of possible problems. I'm not stupid to think we are immune but right now he's happy, the kids say they are happy, extended family says they see the happy, and I'm happy.

I am still hopeful that skids and I will have the relationship I want. Okay, I admit it. I do love them but I dislike the adversarial role of SM.

I do know a SM that adores her skids and helped raise them since elementary school. You can see and feel how proud she is of them.

Maybe I'm a bigger part of the problem than I thought.

My SS is an adult now, but I never minded being SM in his earlier years. I didn't have a BM around to annoy me which I know made quite the differences that many face.

Now ask me if I enjoy/like being a SM to an adult, LOL. Yeah, mostly I do, but not all the time. I'm not thrilled at all at becoming a GSGma just this afternoon. I really am not happy SS didn't do a better 'job' of guiding SGS through not getting a girl pregnant.

Oh well, I'm sure I'll warm to the idea that my SGS became a father today. *sigh*

Well, I don't particularly LIKE being a step parent, but I do love my stepson. I'd prefer that none of my kids have to be a part of a blended family, since that means that they were first a part of a broken home. But given my circumstances, I really don't mind being stepmom. He's a good kid. Although, I take A LOT of credit for that since I have raised him for 12 of his 13 years of life

I think I'm a poster/reader who probably doesn't belong on here bc I only have minor issues with my step kids and their mom. But when I read BabyCenter or reddit some of the advice is just ridiculous to me. I've seen step parents get ripped apart on those sites for stuff that a lot of folks on here would whole heartedly agree with.

The only time a step parent is natural is when the bio parents are deceased or not in the kids life. I find that most of the resentment and bad feelings I have as a step mom come from the other adults involved like my and my hubby's ex. I think if my SD was here full time with no mom the boundaries I have imposed on me would lift and I could discipline her and be affectionate with her and be open with her without fearing backlash from her mom or backlash from SD bc she is and will ALWAYS be loyal to her mom over me even when she knows her mom is being difficult or downright nasty to me.

The step kids will also always compare the step parent to their comparable bio parent and we always fall short. Its really really a hard, thankless, 24/7 emotional job.

Ok I'm a newbie... I guess 3 years. I am really unhappy, I do not love this at all. I am Christian and am really trying to love, but it's a nightmare. BM is insane and obsessed and fixated on hating me. SS had virtually no parenting he's ten now and I have had to teach him basic skills and manners. He a compulsive liar, super manipulative and he talks about killing and torturing my cats.... I can't see anything good coming from this.... and my husband has blinders on. We have my SS every weekend and some holidays and half the summer. I have just gotten sicker and sicker and have not been able to work for almost 2 years, last weekend BM wanted to fight me.... lol yes have a fight like in school, and all in front of her son and 2 other children saying that she can't wait till my cancer kills me.... it is so crazy, I did not sign up for this for sure but, I can't let the evil win in my life.

I like it. I can't imagine not having the skids in my life, even if they are rotten teens right now. It's a hard and thankless role, to be sure. But I enjoy it and I think I have been a positive addition to their lives and they definitely have been to mine.

My dad does. At least, I think he does. But he hasn't really been a step since he adopted my brother, sister and I. He still claims us 25years later, so I hope he means it when he says "I love you". I know I love him.

I love my step daughter. Not the same way I love my daughter but it's still love. Even when she drives me nuts. Even when her lies cause us problems. I love my husband enough to look past the issues that being a step sometimes causes. Because he's my guy, we get each other. We often joke about how BM and SD try to throw garbage at us but if they knew that each time they threw something our way it makes us and our relationship stronger they'd stop tomorrow.

All that said though, do I love being a step? No. It's a thankless job. One involving more heartache than it should, at least in hostile aggressive situations.

If you see me in public, or at family functions you would think I'm the best SM in the world, and I have no problems..
Why because I will not tell people the truth... they will turn on you eventually

Honestly I love being a SM.... }:) }:) only because I can mess with Aergia

mwhahahahahahaha

I don't particularly care for SS14. I find him super annoying and he's the typical smelly, lazy, screen addicted teen. Not much to like, coupled with the fact that his BM is a bipolar, narcissistic, golden uterus slut who is constantly casting out feelers to my husband plus DH can be very Disney...and you have a recipe for disaster.

The SM's who are happy are the ones who don't deal with what we on Stalk deal with. You said it yourself, the SM at church gets along with everyone, the BM is laid back. Majority of us wouldn't be here on stalk if that was our situations too.

The BM's we deal with are crazy, our DH's are Disney guilty dads, the skids have been taught to hate us, etc.

My exH is engaged and I have met his fiancée. She is absolutely wonderful and we got along for the 2 weeks I was there. HOWEVER, I don't give her any grief, don't tell her she can't do things with my BS16, I don't flirt or send inappropriate messages to exH, I don't call 100 times per week, I don't take them to court, I don't tell BS16 that he should hate his stbSM...and on and on and on. As a result, we all get along.

Makes a HUGE difference.

My husband enjoys being a stepdad. Growing up as a kid he had three step dads so he has seen both sides. I think what makes it work for him is that in our house we are equal partners and we parent together. Having been a step mom for years myself and having been on here forever I see one of the biggest issues is being expected to do things for a kid who doesn't respect you and having no say. That said I knew that for things that affect our household we need to make decisions together and my husband needs to have a say. I am always the final word with all things BS9 but we parent as a couple in our house. That doesn't mean I am excluding BS's dad or replacing him but for our home and BS's time in our home we parent together.

Now my husband has no kids of his own so he enjoys his opportunity to get to be a dad. Luckily the two of them have a great friendship. BS is respectful and if he wasn't I would be calling him out on it. I would be ashamed as a parent if he treated his step dad or step mom the way some people's spouses allow their children to treat theirs.

I do not like it and I know that it is because I deal with a jealous, insecure, GUBM! She has ruined any chance of me ever wanting to get close to her daughter with all of her ridiculous antics. I do think the happy stepmoms are stepmoms that don't have crazy BMs involved. My SO doesn't seem to mind being a SD to my son but BD is not in the picture much right now due to poor choices he made but even when he was in the picture he always told my son to be respectful of my SO. That makes a big difference.

I actually do.

Trying not to sound too preachy, but SS11's parents have both dropped the ball on and off throughout his life. He now lives under my roof. If I do something, I do it. Step-parenting is something I feel like I made the decision to do, so I treat him just as I would any other child living under my roof. And I'm determined to do it well.

I am SS's primary caretaker. SS is on the spectrum. SO is clueless when it comes to what his needs are and doesn't understand he's not a typical 11 year old. BM is too busy "finding herself" at the bottom of a bottle to even call. Once she realized SS1's diagnosis wasn't a golden ticket for SSI she tossed him like the trash.

Well I have to say that I don't mind it. I didn't have to live with SS's full time until this year and we now have SS14 full time. SS18 is away at college. I get along with both - SS18 is more lovey towards me with hugs and kisses and love yous. SS14 is not and that makes me extremely happy. I don't have the huggy feely lovey feelings towards him and at first his BM and DH would make him hug me good bye and stuff. So awkward. Told them both that even tho I love him in my own way I do not want to hug him and he knows it so don't put us thru it.

Very rarely does SS14 hug me and when he does I know its coming from him and his heart.

I also do not parent - AT ALL! That is DH's job and I only get frustrated when he gets pissed. If he has to tell him for the 3rd time to do something I will say - hey if he starts yelling them Im going to get pissed and that sends SS14 in gear.

Yes, I am at every game, practice, school function but that is because both boys ask me to go. And sorry to say that if I didn't help DH with the driving, etc then the boys would not be as athletic as they are.

The BM.... thats another story that I'm sure most of you have heard, but that is what brought me here and what keeps me here is the advice that is given to other ST's. It helps me help DH and keep my form of disengagement.

Id say no, but i know thats not true.
Some woman are great at being a stepmom- they get in the right situation and the kids just love her.

Like this woman neighbor- she split with her husband- they are still great friends and her step son still visits her and goes on vacay with her,and hangs with his halfbrother. Awesome.

I feel like if i was to walk away today, ss would not call or do anything with us.

I dont think ss and bs will ever have a hangout relationship.

Oh well. I just savor the good moments and hope that one day when ss grows up, has kids, and realizes that i was not being mean to him, i was being a parent!

I have loved being a stepmom. Been doing it married for 4 years now, dated 2 years before that. We've gotten two out of the house to college (1 his, 1 mine) with one to follow this year (mine). We will still have his other child home for a few more years and he has adopted my youngest who still has quite awhile to go.

Just because I'm happy with my life doesn't mean it's been easy. But, being an intact family isn't easy either. There are challenges no matter what type of family we have.

Yes and No. I went in wearing rose-colored glasses that were smudged, then shattered.

At first, I was very excited to be a stepmom. I was never able to have children and having skids that were already walking and talking and active seemed ideal. We did fun things together as a family. I baked my little heart out (to BioHo's fury). Then PigPen stole my skivvies and PrincASS turned into a know-it-all arsehole. I get along fine with the girls (SD20 and DH's SD23) and SD23's DH and their kids.

I'm an eternal optimist so I still have hope. NOT that we'll be one big happy family, but that we can enjoy doing things together (Christmas, etc.) and have a friendly relationship.

I enjoy it... but I don't have any bio kids (yet) I'm 11 weeks pregnant so the last 3 years has been kind of neat - getting the opportunity to test out my parenting before I become an actual parent. But of course, I would love it if I didn't have a stepdaughter. I would love to be carrying my husband's FIRST baby and going into being a first-time parent together with him. I would love it if I didn't have to worry about how I'm going to treat them equally even with all the love I have for my unborn child already. I'd love all sorts of things about NOT having a stepdaughter, but I do, so I try my best to look at the positives.