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LGBT Step parents

Redrobyn114's picture

Submitted by Redrobyn114 on Thu, 08/08/2013 - 10:51pm

It has been hard to find support as a stepparent. And I am so grateful for this website. However as a lesbian woman it is extremely hard To find lesbian step parenting support and advice. It is extremely hard role and move relationship is suffering. It would be great to go to a place for support. I have looked for Lesbian and gay stepparenting websites and there are very few.

Struggling stepmum's picture

Submitted by Struggling stepmum on Thu, 08/08/2013 - 11:04pm

I think you will find that the issues you face are the same regardless of your relationship gender. This site saved my sanity

Mcicala's picture

Submitted by Mcicala on Sat, 05/15/2021 - 1:02am

It's inherently different to be a step parent raising kids in a same sex relationship. Just ask the kids. 

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Thu, 08/08/2013 - 11:48pm

Wow. Yet one more way it's hard to be LGB or T. It would be great if you contacted the admins here to create a special forum topic for this because it's nice to have your own special corner of this site where people swap ideas on similar issues. (EG. Bio Free Zone) Even better, start a site. In fact, you could probably make some money as this will become a bigger issue in the LGBT community over time.

Regardless of my sudden idea for a business opportunity, I agree with the above poster. Step parenting is step parenting is step parenting. This site is dominated by straight women but that's not all of us. We all have major nuances in our stories and NONE of our lives are the same. Yet there are common themes across the board which is very reassuring. But there is not one single person on this site who has lived my life, lives with my Skids and my FDH. Cross over is key (which is why I recommend the forum topic suggestion) but I guar-an-damn-tee you that no matter whether readers know your orientation or not, people will relate and give good advice. You are in the right place. Period. I look forward to talking to you more here.

emotionaly beat up's picture

Submitted by emotionaly beat up on Fri, 08/09/2013 - 4:26am

I agree gay or straight the step parenting issues would be the same. Gay couples may have other issues of discrimination that impact more on their relationships and cause even more strain to add to the step kids issue. But step parenting gay or straight I think we all pretty much face the same problems. Over indulgent, lazy, selfish or guilty partners, well they come gay and straight also, so I think you will fit in and find support here, your just another step parent. Hope reading through helps you find out your okay, your not going insane after all Smile

Redrobyn114's picture

Submitted by Redrobyn114 on Fri, 08/09/2013 - 2:11pm

Thanks everyone for your comments. I am finding that no matter what the situation everyone seems to have similar struggles with step kids. Right now I am just dealing with that extra part where my partner doesn't want to hold my hand in public of the kids are with us and she doesn't want to act like a couple in public. If they aren't around no problem. We have been together 2 yrs and this gets old. The kids know they seem to be dealing with things just fine. I just don't understand it.

svillemomof4's picture

Submitted by svillemomof4 on Fri, 08/09/2013 - 2:50pm

Redrobyn114, what is the deal with her not wanting to hold hands? Is it to do with the fact that you are lesbians or because the kids don't know you two are a couple. I find the latter hard to believe after two years together!

I know a woman who is a lesbian, I won't say how I know her, and she and her partner have been together for a long time. She has a SD that is in high school and they have three kids together and another one on the way. I see her in a professional setting a couple times a year but DH and I run into them a lot in public. When they are out with the kids it seems like they are just friends taking the kids out on a play date or shopping together. They never seem to be a couple. They seem so much unlike a couple that DH had no idea she was a lesbian until years later! But when we run into them on nights at a resturaunt on their date night (which didn't happen until the last few years) they are very much a couple, they hold hands, look into each others eyes, are very doting on each other; complete opposites with the kids. I don't know why they are different with the kids around but it seems to work for them. Of course I don't pry into their lives either, I don't want people doing that to me, except here, lol!! They seem very happy and the kids are very happy children so I just base my assumptions on that. Perhaps that is what your SO is doing too. Not that she is holding anything against you or trying to make you feel unloved or unwanted but that is just the way she is with the kids around.

indigofish911's picture

Submitted by indigofish911 on Sun, 04/27/2014 - 12:36pm

Hi,
I'm another lesbian step-mother. I agree that a lot of the difficulties with step-parenting have nothing to do with gender, but some are unique to us. There's also that fear of facing homophobia or just misunderstanding from communities we try to get support from. I personally have a quite unique situation, so I never know if I should be looking to make connections with other GLBT step-parents, step-parents with long-distance custody agreements, or step-parents of children with autism and other issues. So I registered for this site and figured I could start here. I'm just having a tough day on the step-parenting front.