Any same-sex steps here?
A dear (gay) friend of mine is becoming involved with a man who has a son from a previous relationship, of whom he has 50/50 custody. It has gone far enough that he has met the kid and the other father. He is crazy about the guy, and from one meeting thinks the son is great, and the ex seems reasonable, so he believes all is pretty rosy at this point.
I've been doing my darnedest to warn and advise him of what he may be up against, but although I know most human issues in regards to relationships and parenting are universal, there may be some issues unique to the LGBT community when it comes to this stuff - not the least of which, legal (eg, don't know if either father is the bio, if he is fully adopted by both or if he can legally be, not to mention possible surrogate situations, etc). Also perhaps dealing with all parties of the same sex is a little different than with opposite sex relationships, but I'm not sure. I have many gay friends but none that have embarked on a possible step-parent situation.
I've recommended steptalk but would love to also be able to tell him there are others here that may be more relateable! Anyone fit the bill or can offer that kind of expertise?
I think he would find really
I think he would find really good support here! I know I would be one of them! And there's lots of good people here!
I have lots of gay friends, but only one I know that has a step kid. Female/Female And it seems to work Fine for them.. Just normal "teen" issues so far.
Just be sure to make him aware of the "trolls" here because they can be real a**holes!
But then again.. We can hope for the best for him, and maybe he won't have to join steptalk because he wont have any step issues!!!
I am in a same sex
I am in a same sex relationship. I find step talk very helpful. I relate to just about every post I read because it seems like challenging relationships are universal and do not discriminate. I never post that I am gay, I just post my stuff. I am aware that the entire world would not approve of my situation and I never want to bring that into the advice but I think he would find it helpful.
I never felt like I "needed" to join step talk. I just don't know any step parents and it is always nice to talk to people who have similar struggles. I can say things here that are reasonable complaints that I could never say to my SO and that my dear friends just don't understand fully.
I am a same-sex Step-parent
I am a same-sex Step-parent and I do feel there is some differences in same-sex step parent. My SS's have a BF and a SM on one side and me and my female partner(their BM) on the other side. The difference I see which are minimal, is that the BF doesn't feel like another man is trying to be a father to his son's and the SM is not worried about the BM trying to get back with the father. We actually have gotten to a place where everything goes pretty smoothly most of the time, sometimes I actually feel bad for the BF as it seems like the three women parenting can steamroll him!
Reading blogs about how people feel and react toward their step children has really helped me and not made me feel so alone with some of my frustrations, and that I think is pretty universal. The legal stuff is scary and confusing because there are some many variables. Maybe we need our own side forum to discuss specific issues, but I would encourage him that StepTalk would be helpful.
QUOTE: sometimes I actually
QUOTE: sometimes I actually feel bad for the BF as it seems like the three women parenting can steamroll him!
Sorry, had to LOL at this!!
Love the idea of the dad getting overrun but all his son's moms!
Don't know how old SS is but it might ultimately be a bonding thing for him & BF if they are the only 2 boys in the mix.
I am in an opposite-sex
I am in an opposite-sex relationship but I feel like a lot (if not most) of the issues of dealing with the ex, the stepkid(s), and blended family issues are pretty universal. My only thing is I wonder if he, being in the early stages of a relationship when everything is perfect, is going to be shocked and appalled by all the full-bore venting that goes on around here! If he sticks it out and does become a stepparent though, I guarantee you he'll feel the need to vent eventually.
Thank you everyone for your
Thank you everyone for your responses! I'm glad to know there are a few same sex step parents in here and I will tell him so.
mella, I kind of want him to be shocked and appalled! Not necessarily to scare him off (although that might not be a bad thing) but to at least make him aware of the likely roadblocks and how to try to prepare for them in advance. Most importantly, to get him to initiate talks with his partner before they live together, and get thinking about what he wants his role as stepdad to be. I wish *I* had been armed with all of that before getting into my situation.
Agreed. In our last
Agreed. In our last conversation he asked me if I love the skids yet. I quickly and easily said no, and continued that I doubt I ever would. He seemed shocked at THAT! So I think he may have some unrealistic expectations... or at least some that may set him up for disappointment. Shock treatment in order.
When I recommended steptalk I said that it's where I learned that it's OKAY to not feel love for them, amongst all the other guilt-inducing feelings that I learned were okay and normal. It's also important for him to know that there's a place to go when you feel start to feel all those things you think you're not supposed to feel. WHICH WILL HAPPEN!
I think I kinda wish someone
I think I kinda wish someone had told me what being a step-parent would be like before I dived into this relationship. But, I think I was already smitten by my partner, and problems didn't really arise until we were well into courting
I'm a strong and tough woman, and don't like things to get the better of me - which is why I have stuck it out. I also have a soft heart for my partner who is going through just as much - if not more issues because of SD.
It's not all bad though. I brush off alot of stuff, and it's only really challenging when you let things get to you. Sometimes you simply cannot escape the challenges, and sometimes it goes good for a while until something else comes up.
I don't think my situation is as bad as some of the situations I've been reading on here. Some of these people really shock me that they can think or feel that way about their family situation.
Yes, I have ALOT of difficulties, and sometimes I wish SD would hurry up and grow up and move to Africa or something, but really I want what's best for her, and wish she wasn't such a bitch to her mother and brother and ME!
But, I was a teenage girl once and went through sooooooooo many changes and choices for myself, confused and afraid about growing up. I can only imagine what it would be like for her - especially since her mother is a lesbian!
Make sure you show your friend that not everyone hates, and not everyone is vindictive.
I am a member of a same-sex families group on facebook, and there are alot of gay and/or lesbian parenting groups on yahoo/facebook and other forums. My partner is on a lesbian parenting forum - I'm not, that's her domain where she can vent and whinge all she wants about me. LOL
I'm happy to help where I can.