Thank you Steptalk!
Thanks to the fine folks on this board, I am now doing the right thing!
SO, while hugging me, tells me last night (kidless too!) that I will need to do my own thing this weekend, do some "girl things", because he is going fishing this weekend. LOL. Get this - it is his 5 days Friday through Tuesday with kids. Hehe. When he mentioned that I was soon to be a "fishing widow", I said nothing about kid schedule. Just smiled and said "great, my girlfriends want to go hiking!" and left it at that. Then I texted him this morning: "Oh hey, I checked the calendar - and not only do we have a birthday party going on, but YOU have kiddos too!!!! I am BUSY, btw."
Winona has grandparents (cheapskate rich folk) visiting for her 18th birthday, so he is off the hook, but, I am so glad I stood up in this area. PREVIOUSLY I would have offered to stay with kiddos, and taken munchkin SD10 to park and/or beach or something fun. Not anymore! Then I get to hear about how Winona SD18 has her feelings hurt because she wasn't invited (boo hoo, that's what you get buttercup, when you verbally abuse someone!).
So thanks to those that have kindly reminded me to "buckle up its a bumpy ride on Disengagement Road, but so worth it!"
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He texted back (hes a man of
He texted back (hes a man of few words), "Ok".
That's when he mentioned the cheap grandfather visit. I just texted "well great - $$/present time for her woot!" and then something else like "oh granpappy should offer to pay for Winona's college".
See, Winona SD18 sais that wants to be a psychologist. Probably to figure out who she can blame for all her major problems in life. Or to figure out better ways of manipulating folks. Nah, shes not that bright (her mother), just saying the word "college" to sound smart, like she has ambition and a bright future. But she hated high school and never really applied herself to anything. Good thing I do not care!!! Except I know that SO and BM cannot pay for even community college coursework at this point, as well as support her full time, and pay for gas/insurance.
Therefore, ergo, Princess Winona will need to get a (gasp!) JOB, where she (aacckkkkk) WORKS, and stuff.
Tee hee hee - good for you
Tee hee hee - good for you CLove!
Thanks Second! It feels good.
Thanks Second! It feels good. It wasn't confrontational, it did nothing to cause bad feelings with anyone. Its a transition.
I think I have it now: Wax on
I think I have it now: Wax on Wax off.
Good on you. Now, when you
Good on you.
Now, when you accidentally engage (it will happen!) don't be too hard on yourself.
Get through it and then go back to disengagement quickly.
Figure out what you can and cannot engage on.
Keep yourself busy. I sure clean, repair and upgrade things a lot when SDs are at our home. I also try to schedule get-togethers with friends on SD days/nights. Calendars are your friend. My plans are added to that calendar so DH can see it.
Yes, I am going to schedule
Yes, I am going to schedule time with my girl friends, instead of "family time" whereby we spend too much money, and then someone ends up arguing. Or we all just stay home, and I clean, and SO cleans while skids play on electronics and ask what are we having for breakfast/lunch/dinner", or what are we going to do to entertain them, etc.
Funny, we used to have a calendar on the wall, but took it down over 1 or more years ago - replaced it with furniture. Winona SD18 remarked the other day that "she was still used to having a calendar there", and my first thought was "yeah, well that was before me, right, was that your point?" Instead I just said "ummmmm".
And after I bought her a frame for a birthday drawing, and found out she had blocked me on her ipod, when I tried sending a photo of it to her; well, not going to be saying anything except "oh hope you like it. Happy birthday", when she sees it. It was only a 6$ frame.
Im thinking it would be good to have a corkboard for SD10's activities and a little calendar there for writing in schedule for everyone to see visually. I have everything on my phone, but not everyone is me, obviously.
It would be nice to have a
It would be nice to have a corkboard for SD10's stuff but would you be the only one using it and updating it? If so, nope.
Both SDs had cool dry-erase calendars I bought them one year...SD10 used hers a little but other than that they just took up space on the wall. Buh-bye and $ back in my account. I was the only one "helping" them with those.
YES, it would be me doing all
YES, it would be me doing all the updating. But it would take all the paperwork for this and that off the refrigerator. So, im thinking of other options. I am used to having an office with office supplies, organized. You know? And I am used to running a household on my own pretty muc, but without children in it. A major transition!!!!
We have a cork board and I'm
We have a cork board and I'm the only one that maintains it.
But it does keep my frig free of skid crap
That is exactly my goal
That is exactly my goal
If it benefits you and makes
If it benefits you and makes it easier for you go for it!
We have an office but it's essentially DH's area for work. So long as I don't stay too long and my file drawer and shelf are organized I get in and get out before the mess makes me freak out.
...and he wonders why SD13 is a messy, messy person...?
the wonders of Disengagement
the wonders of Disengagement - you are almost there - I would not even have bothered reminding DH about the week-end.
He's an adult he should keep track of his own day planners
yeah - so hes fishing both
yeah - so hes fishing both Saturday and sunday - skids day, and grandpappy is in town Saturday. I am planning on being busy at the gym so I wont be around to remind them to get ready for pickup, and take over to moms house. And I wont be around to nanny the munchkin sd10 when they come back from visit either!
I NEEDED to do this. It avoids conflict later...