O/T-Sit Down STalkers-this one is rich.
My BD has been with the same daycare provider since she was 4 months old. She was the only one near my office building at the time with availability. She is not certified, but has been really good. We live in a very rural area, and with our recent move, we have decided to keep Daycare consistent instead of changing everything at once on BD2. In order to do so, I drive her 30 mins one way.
Recently, the Daycare has grown and in MHO, has way too many small children, for one person in her home-which has no state oversight because she's not certified. On Tuesday, I toured another daycare that IS certified, closer to home and more like a pre-school. I liked it a lot. I've had a pit in my stomach about how to break it off with old Daycare Provider. Literally-was breaking my heart.
WAS.
That WAS, until tonight. I asked my mother to pick BD2 up from daycare this evening because I had to work late. My mom forgot. My daycare provider called me on my way into my meeting, I called my mom-who then turned around to go get BD, and called Daycare Provider back to let her know apologizing profusely. Mind you, I am NEVER late picking BD up. I am NEVER late with payment.
As I'm about to go into my meeting I receive the following text from my Daycare Provider's number:
"Be closer to 5:45 but yes we can order. *BD*'s ignorant f*ing (except the whole word)grandma "forgot" to pick her up..f*ing (again the whole word) dirtbags man I tell ya."
*tires screech*
*head wips*
*Whachu say Willis?*
Oh hell no-I'm literally standing in my clients door now.
I respond "uhm" so that she will realize what she's done. I collect myself and hold my meeting for 2 hours.
I then get a book of a text throughout the duration of my meeting saying that it was her fiancé texting his mother. His mother who fills in for DCP when she has mid-day doc appointments? THAT is almost as rich as the text. And I don't know any man who would speak to his MOTHER that way. Directed at her or not.
I don't think BD will be returning to DCP. Which makes me sad for BD. I haven't made a 100% ruling on this yet, but I will stop to pay DCP for the 4 days she worked this week. She's as good as fired as of tonight.
Or at least I think. My plan is to give her the money, and walk away without saying a word. I'm that kind of dirtbag.
Any thoughts? Am I over reacting? Should I let BD at least say goodbye? Opinions-I need them.
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I need a pocket version of
I need a pocket version of you to carry around with me.
It was 2 years in December.
It was 2 years in December. BD was 4 months old when I brought her there. She's now 2 years 4 months.
I would text her that her
I would text her that her next check is in the mail and I wouldn't bring my child back there again. What an ungrateful two-faced lady. She obviously doesn't care that much for the child to call y'all dirtbags. I wouldn't have been able to contain myself through a two hour meeting so for that you deserve an award.
I'm not the kind to
I'm not the kind to retaliate. The "You hurt me, I'll hurt you" kind. I'm the you hurt me, so f*ck you we'll see who needs who-type. This hurts. I don't want to hurt her. I just want her out of my life. But it's not about just me-there's BD. How do I do right by her? What is right?
Not like this. The number of
Not like this. The number of kids she now has, coupled with the fact that she uncertified and has takes way too many liberties with paid vacations this year-we were looking at bringing her somewhere else anyway.
Clearly you need to change
Clearly you need to change daycare providers. Will it bother BD to not have the chance to say goodbye? If so, maybe you should try and figure out a way to make that happen.
Could you drop by with the final payment and let BD see her one more time? It would be awkward, but if it would make things easier on BD maybe you should do it.
Explain to BD in advance the reasons for the change - being closer, etc.
BD is 2 so its hard to
BD is 2 so its hard to say,kind of out of sight out of mind with her. SO is livid. I don't like being referred to like that-venting or not esp since I spent a lot of time helping them when their first house was foreclosed, have been a loyal customer through two moves and a friend to boot. I understand that other parents are late too sometimes but sh!t happens sometimes for all of us-i worked until 8 tonight-i get done at 4:30-wasnt planned-it happens. Most of fthe other parents don't get out of work until 5 so hef strict closing at 5 presents a problems for some of them. She supposed to give 2 weeks notice before closing-we get 3 days notice if we're lucky-bht this is the reaction when the shoe is on The other foot?
I don't think so.
I'll pay her. I can't justify in my head sending g my daughter to e cared forbysomeone who calls my mother ignorant and my family dirt bags regardless of the situation espwith our history.
momma- you are over thinking
momma- you are over thinking this Hon..... You simply give the lady notice and you take BD away...
if she asks why? smile and say the traveling is to expensive and you decided BD should be closer to home and you found a pre-school.... nothing less and nothing more...
never burn your bridges, you do not know what the new place can do, you never know when you will need this lady's services again, it might just happen that there's a chicken poks break out at new school and they close, then you still will have to make a plan with BD if she do not have it, then this lady can be the backup....
but it will be better for BD's development to be in a more structured place
YOu do not know if it was
YOu do not know if it was this woman or her looser boyfriend, for 2 years there where no incidents, how long has the boyfriend been in her life.....
I believe in never burn bridges, yes you never have to use it again but just do not burn them
See this is what I hate about
See this is what I hate about not being able to take people at face value-on occasion her fiancé (i might have called him her boyfriend but they are engaged) has watched the kids for an hour or so on occasion when DCP ha an appointment or something. Her future MIL has also filled in-of course this was after meeting them and seeing them around over the corse of a year-so I was good with it.
The other thing is that last line "man I tell ya" is something she has sent me fore in a text when venting to me about her SK's BMor asking me legal questions about her fiance's foreclosure (I have a client who's home was being foreclosed so I know a few things about the process and offered whatever help I could provide).
So not only do they seem to have this disdain lurking in the background somewhere-but I think she may be now lying to me about it. I just got another book of a text from DCP saying she was texting her mom about her brother and her phone auto corrected "douche bag" to "dirt bag". She then said she "feels much better now knowin it was auto correct."
So now we're-douche bags not dirt bags. Like that's any better. I didn't take BD in today. I will be stopping by to pay her later. I will be taking the weekend to explore what my heart feels is best. Because I'm still not sure how/when or what I want to do.
And she just keeps on shoveling.
Ok let me see if I understand
Ok let me see if I understand this...
You're supposed to buy that this was your babysitter's fiancé mistakenly texting you instead of his mom from her phone?
You all should feel better knowing that "the fiancé " (yeah right) meant douche bags when referring to you and your mom, instead of dirt bags? Auto correct called you a bad name inst ad of another bad name and that's all good? WTF?
Is she denying that this text is about you? That's the only way I can understand that she doesn't feel just wretched or mortified about this, regardless of who sent the text! How is she justifying any of this? Im so confused!
I still say don't take your DD back. I would never want my child in the care of someone who did not like her or me. I had a DCP that told me my DD was "too wild" (she was 2 and the DCP had her hopped up on sugar!) and I'd have to find a different daycare but I could finish out the week with her. I said no thanks and pulled her put immediately. I didn't think the DCP would do anything bad to my DD but I just didn't feel comfortable leaving my DD with her knowing how she felt.
Yep, I'm supposed to buy that
Yep, I'm supposed to buy that it was her fiancé and calling us douche bags is somehow better than calling us dirt bags after two years of working with her.
There is no way to deny that the text was about us because she referred to my mother as *BD's name*'s grandmother. My daughter is the only child with that name that is in her care.
I paid her. I replied to the later text basically saying that calling us douche bags as opposed to dirt bags isn't any better and "he" still called my mother "f*ing ignorant". She then told me how bad he feels about all of this, he's beside himself and everyone makes mistakes and no one thinks that of us-we're one of the best families. She then ended the text with saying she understands my position but it would hurt her both emotionally because she's had BD since she was months old and financially because she really depends on that income.
Which just makes more questions churn-I'm sure she feels like a butt, but is she more upset at the possibility of losing the income or burning this bridge with me and my daughter who she said "are like family."
I'm literally split. On one hand she has been a good provider and this has been the only incident. On the other hand, we were thinking about leaving anyway because of the set up. Back to the first hand, I have grown to care for her and I know my daughter has too. Back on the other side can I seriously justify leaving my child with someone who talks about me like this behind my back-and it's probably not the first time. Then you mix in the fact that now the only help that I have picking my daughter up on days I have to work late-my mother-who is very limited with the help she offers/agrees to anyway-has said she refuses to pick BD up from this DCP (and rightfully so) if she goes back there and will be deeply offended if I do send BD back there.
Alternatively, there is a new daycare that's got a better structure anyway. That I was favoring anyway-the only thing stopping me was DCP (because I WAS taking her emotions and income into consideration).
Just before my own BD turned
Just before my own BD turned 2 we took her out of an in home daycare to put her on a more formal setting. It was best for BD. But difficult, because the lady was so lovely and loving. Just didn't offer the structure or the challenge that BD needed.
If we had any suspicion that BD was around people who spoke like that, we would have been gone so fast heads would spin.
I'd pay what you owe, and move on. Don't look back. Just let BD tell you if she's got questions.
I'm not one to tattle on
I'm not one to tattle on people but in this case, the woman clearly has anger issues if she is THAT upset over a mistake with schedules. And I would seriously question how she can be around children if she has such a low tolerance level.
Personally, I wouldn't pay her another dime. I would inform her that I have a copy of her horrible text and because of her crude outburst, you will now be seeking alternative day care for your child. I would also explain that due to her vile behavior, she will not be receiving final payment and IF she chooses to push the issue, I will turn her in for an unlicensed day care.
She knows you have her over a barrel and she most likely has way too many kids to be licensed. Tell her to kiss off and don't pay her another dime.
I would just be done.
I would just be done.
no you are not overreacting.
no you are not overreacting. i'd send payment by mail and block her number. bd, i think, is young enough there is no need for a formal good-bye.
pssshhht. be done with them.
If you absolutely cannot face
If you absolutely cannot face her, send her a text over the weekend and let her know that you have made alternate arrangements for your daughter's care. If she asks why, tell her that you had been on a wait list at a preschool and a spot just opened up.
I know that YOU are offended
I know that YOU are offended by the text, but from what I'm reading, this woman has taken good care of your BD for the past 2 years. You've had no issues until the text message. Up until the text message you were feeling torn and bad about pulling DD from the daycare. I know you're annoyed, but I think you need to remember that this woman did NOTHING to DD and as such, you should pay her for whatever days she worked. As far as letting DD say goodbye? Meh, she's 2.5 I don't think it's going to cause major trauma in her life if she doesn't get to say goodbye to this woman.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I would NOT make this ugly. Pay her what she is owed and let her know you found another place closer to work, and thanks for taking such good care of BD.
I would calmly pay her what
I would calmly pay her what is owed and say "this concludes our business arrangement." Get BD in a new place. Never return. No further contact is needed. You don't need to explain or justify. She knows.
^^I second this. She will
^^I second this. She will know that she blew it with the text, no matter how you sugar coat it. It will be no coincidence that you pull your DD out right after something like that. So you can give her a reason, or not, but you definitely don't need to say it's over the text, because unless she's an idiot, I'm sure she will see this coming.