OT: Thoughts on this- hosting get togethers
Downsouth's blog got me thinking...
Here are a couple of situations and I would like other's opinions on.
If we invite friends over to play cards or just to hang out, should we provide the beer? Or should each person bring their own beer? Should it be stated or is it just a common courtesy?
If we are hosting a party should our guests bring something or offer to bring something? Or should we provide all the food with no expectations of others bringing something?
Does it matter if you host friends (either just hanging out or parties) a lot or not that much?
Does it matter if you are hosting guests from out of town?
When your friends come over and they bring their kids are you expected to feed their kids if they are hungry?
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When we do friends get
When we do friends get togethers of more than 4 people, we divide up who brings what before hand.
If I invite 2-4 friends then I provide everything and feed their mini me's.
If it's just a hang out I stipulate who brings what and if I don't I cater everything.
In this day and age with how tight money can be, there is nothing wrong with asking people to bring snack/ dips/ beers.
Downsouth's blog got me
Downsouth's blog got me thinking...
Here are a couple of situations and I would like other's opinions on.
If we invite friends over to play cards or just to hang out, should we provide the beer? Or should each person bring their own beer? Should it be stated or is it just a common courtesy?
Generally, the etiquette is that if you invite, you should provide all the food/beer/entertainment. If you ask someone to dinner, you pay for it etc... If the situation is super casual, sometimes you might tell your friends.. "Hey, we will be cooking some burgers and dogs on the grill, everyone bring their coolers and we can hang out" But mostly unless it is understood in your group of friends/family, host buys the food and drink.
If we are hosting a party should our guests bring something or offer to bring something? Or should we provide all the food with no expectations of others bringing something?
Again, unless it is a pretty common tradition among your friends/family, host provides what is needed. If a guest has some special dietary thing going on like being vegan, it is polite and probably practical for them to OFFER to bring something.
A bit of a departure might be for family gatherings for Thanksgiving or Christmas where the host might provide the venue and the Main Course and expect family members to bring dishes to round out the meal.
Does it matter if you host friends (either just hanging out or parties) a lot or not that much?
If you are the constant host and have the place where everyone hangs out (like if you have a beach house etc..) Guests should be expected to provide more than if it is just an occasional situation or just at their normal home.
Does it matter if you are hosting guests from out of town?
I wouldn't expect guests that are family or friends to bring any food items since they likely won't have the time to prepare or the place to prepare it. Maybe if they bring a bottle of wine or something it is nice.
When your friends come over and they bring their kids are you expected to feed their kids if they are hungry? You have hot dogs or chicken nuggets and chips on hand for kids if they are expected to attend. Kids food is cheap. Baby food or formula is provided by the parents and parents usually bring snacks for very young kids/toddlers. For age 5 yo up.. hot dogs or PBJ should do fine.
You're evil.
You're evil.
My spelling is just fine to
My spelling is just fine to evil sugar providers to little people. EVIL WOMAN.
We seem to have the same
We seem to have the same friends that never contribute anything.
One friend, single, never brings her own beer unless you specifically say "BYOB" and I finally caught on to that after feeling used. My thought process- You don't have to bring beer all of the time but you should buy it some of the time. She never invites us over to her house.
DH's BF and his wife, will BYOB but nothing else and 80% of the time I put out a spread of food. They come over for cards a lot. After providing food and them never even offering to bring SOMETHING I have cut back. I only do it for special occasions. We take turns hosting NYE. They never have food out. We always have food out. Again, I was starting to feel used.
They also bring their kids over and it's way past dinner time. I'll put snacks out for the kids but they (2 of them) eat up the snacks and then ask for more. I feel bad because I don't want kids to go hungry but they eat through all of my son's snacks.
I like having these people over but sometimes I feel used. Like DAMN- bring something sometimes.
I think it also depends on
I think it also depends on how much the person plans to consume.
Your female friend may not be too bad if she just drinks one beer or whatever.. but if it is someone who drinks 4-5? They should probably bring something.
I think the general rule might be that the host could plan to serve 2-3 drinks per person. If you know you are going over that amount.. bring some extra to add to the party for everyone!
She drinks more then 1. LOL I
She drinks more then 1. LOL I think she drinks enough that she should bring her own.
Haha... I got ya! Yep, we
Haha... I got ya! Yep, we almost always will bring a cooler with us. Most of the things we go to are pretty casual so a lot of our friends and family will bring their own coolers so that they have their favorite brand etc...
The more rare time when we are truly hosting, we will try to have on hand what we know people like.
I just figure that you want to be the kind of guest you would like at your own party...one that you would want to have back.
It's kind of hard because sometimes there are couples that turn into perpetual hosts... either because they love to do it, are super good at it or their place is better suited. It's hard sometimes to get the regular guests to understand the big expense of constant hosting. I see no harm in those cases to tap folks to at least bring their own drinks!
Yeah we are the regular hosts
Yeah we are the regular hosts and for all of the reasons above. I do like hosting, it's easier for us but over time with these certain guests I feel like we are being taken advantage of.
Like the one friend just expects us to provide her with beer. OR the other friends don't even feed their kids before they come over. I ALWAYS feed by BS before we go somewhere so he isn't eating up someone else's food. A snack is fine but last time between the 2 of them they ate 3 apples, 2 bananas, 2 go-gurts each and I also made 2 bags of popcorn (BS did eat some of the popcorn). They were STILL asking for more food.
Unless it's a kid friendly
Unless it's a kid friendly event like a cookout where it would be pretty common for things like hot dogs to be there.. parents definitely need to consider that there may not be food available that child will want to eat and try to bring something to tide the kid over for sure!
For me, it's when I start to
For me, it's when I start to feel used that I say something. We all deserve to have fun. And I feel that I've got the choice to say something and maybe have an uncomfortable feeling but hope things improve so I can have fun without feeling used... or that I bite my tongue and feel used and not have fun.... or that I just stop inviting those people over (and not have fun, or that my time is freed up from losers and I can find new people to have fun with instead).
So I'd absolutely say something. Next time the same people are invited, say something at the get-go.
"Single friend, could you bring drinks and snacks for us all this time? We'll provide the dinner. Or would you rather we provide drinks and snacks and you can take care of a dinner delivery order?"
"BF and wife, would you bring some snacks to eat while we play cards?" But while they're there, don't have anything out for the kids, and just ask them directly, "Looks like your kids are pretty hungry. BS already ate, but if you need to order them a pizza or take them out for a burger, go ahead."
I'm kind of old school Miss
I'm kind of old school Miss Manners on this stuff. If I am inviting people to my house and I do not state otherwise (bring a dish, a drink, whatever) then I feel I am responsible for everything. If someone offers to bring something, I guess it would depend on what they want to bring, as I wouldn't want to make the other guests feel bad for not bringing anything.
If people are staying with you from out of town, then they should not supply anything.
If people are bringing their kids uninvited then I would give them food and drinks if they were hungry. But to be honest, that is rude, if they are bringing uninvited kids to an adult party. Why would anyone even want to do that??
We tend to provide
We tend to provide everything. We are at the top end out the income level amoung our friends and my husband loves to cook, so we are happy to provide food. Sometimes we do drinks as well depending on the event, if not there is always tea, coffee and water to drink. We are happy if someone wants to bring something but usually do not request anything and do not expect anything. If children are at our house and want something to eat and it is not a meal time then they can have whatever we have (usually just fruit or milk, we don't have many snacks usually).
If we were to go to someone else's then I would expect to take something and at a minimum ask if they want me to take something. Usually we host though as we prefer it that way.
Here's what I would do about
Here's what I would do about the ravenous kids. Hard boiled eggs. Cheap, filling and very nutritious. Just a bowl of peeled hard boiled eggs. Put a sleeve a cheap saltine crackers out too.
I am a bad host then...... or
I am a bad host then...... or wait not, it's more off a custom around here..
You can invite people to come over, they know they have to bring their own booze and they will ask if they should bring a salad or what ever - I always supply snacks..... Even if we go out, we always take our own booth and I will take desert, baked bread or what ever we agreed upon... It's just the way it is....
If you have small children, you bring their own snacks etc..they will not put their dirty snot fingers in my snack bowl and well they will not eat my snacks cause it's more adult then kid friendly, stuffed jelapeno's etc...
When Deigma was smaller... and my friends kids was the same age I supplied their snacks and cool drinks as well, and the parents brought their own as well..
One year we had the biggest bash ever.... I distributed fliers in town.... you can attend the party at my house, just bring your own, meat, booze, cutlery and crockery and glasses... also a bag of fire wood... each person to bbq his own meat.... at a stage there was 60 people , I knew maybe 10 hahahahaha.. everything worked out fine, people came and went as they pleased.... after the party a day later.... I was left with booze to last me a year, and some strange plates and about 20 bags of wood.... I'm thinking of having another one of these for new years...
Oh that is another thing.
Oh that is another thing. When we have cookouts and people bring something they always leave the leftovers for us or ask if we want it or if they should take it back with them.
The single girl, say I tell her BYOB, she'll bring say a 12 pack of beer. But if we have the cooler full of beer already she'll put her 12 pack in the downstairs fridge. Say by the time she leaves (after drinking the cooler beer) if no one has opened up her beer and put it in the cooler, she'll take it home and say "oh I guess we didn't need my beer." :?
Nope we split left overs ...
Nope we split left overs ... cause every one has their bowls already there lol.... I'm not going to wash some one else dish who burnt the potato dish, nope way to lazy.... you take your shit with when you leave..
Nope you do not put your beer in my fridge, - there's cooler boxes with ice out side, dump it in there ... or bring your own cooler box with ice and only drink from that, but in the communal cooler boxes - any one can take what's in there, but only if you put something in there... SO's brother will bring 12 beers, but will drink brandy only - we do not mind, cause some one who brought brandy would like to have a beer or 2... so it works out..
SO has this one brother, he will bring 4 beers, and salad for 4, him, wife and 2 kids (20 year olds) but hell they will eat for 12 people and drink for 20.... I'm the b!tch who will say - oh but you brought salad and you dished it up in your plates, you can't have steaks or bread... or I say Oh only 4 beers are you going to have a dry party? And if one of them dare taking another drink I will say - sorry you did not contribute... SO thinks I'm rude, he stopped inviting them .... suits me... I don;t care and I do not entertain spongers, so for this young girl at your house, I will simply say - put that beer back, you drank some one elses, you do not get those back...
There's one in every group
There's one in every group isn't there?
My Mom tells a story from back in the day.
They were all young and newly married, some with kids, some without, but no one could afford to go to the bar or to get a babysitter. They would have these big house parties. I can remember playing with other kids and then falling asleep with all the coats.
They would switch houses, it was always BYOB and you would take your left overs home with you to bring back next weekend. They all drank hard liquor and would put their bottle and mix on the counter in the kitchen. Occasionally someone would run out and they'd help themselves to someone else's bottle but they'd always make it up to them at the next party.
This one guy would bring the same micky to every party but would drink everyone else's booze and take his almost full micky home with him.
Everyone in the group just laughed it off but he did get teased about it. When asked what his favourite drink was, they would say it's OP's, other peoples!
I don't invite people over
I don't invite people over unless I'm prepared to supply all food/drinks/entertainment. If I know they have kids, I make sure to have kid-friendly food and drinks on hand too. I am a bit of a control freak though lol so I probably wouldn't feel comfortable with everyone bringing something of their own.... I usually theme things and all the foods/drinks go together well so I wouldn't want someone bringing something weird that doesn't work
Update: I just read some of
Update: I just read some of the comments and maybe I'm the way I am about things because I don't have particularly rude friends and family! My guests are usually quite grateful and appreciative of the effort it takes to put into hosting so I don't mind at all.
When we host we will tell
When we host we will tell people if it's BYOB or if we are suppling it. Even when it's BYOB we have lots of extra on hand.
It really depends on what you are doing.
For my sons 21st birthday (3 years ago) we did a surprise birthday bbq with all his friends. We supplied everything, food and drinks. DH went out and bought a ton of beer, I'd asked his buddies what kind they liked and so we had LOTS. They each had one or two beer and that was it. No one wanted to be drunk in front of us! We had so much left over beer it was ridiculous, I think I may still have a can or two in the back of the fridge.
The food however, was gone in a flash. I even pulled some chicken wings out of the freezer that I had not planned on using.
The problem these days is drunk driving. If you supply the booze you are liable for an accident, even if someone brings their own, you can be liable if you knew they were drunk and let them leave.