Including SS but excluding OSD for a party
DH and I had a party/cookout over the weekend. I planned it and put a lot of effort into it. We did Drinking Games Relay Race. There were teams and I had different stations set up and the teams had to race to each station and do a silly game or drink a beer and then move on to the next. It was hilarious. Overall the party was success and lots of fun.
I had invited SS. He's been to our cookouts before. He's always very helpful and helps me with clean up, etc. He knows a lot of DH's friends that come. He's invited more as a guest as opposed to being DH's son.
So anyways, beginning of the party DH is on the phone. He hangs up and comes over to me.
"SS said that OSD wants to come tonight."
I said a couple of things (can't remember exactly), but the end result was no.
SS showed up, thankfully without OSD and I didn't hear anything else about it.
I know enough and I know I should leave it alone and not bring it back up to DH. But at the same time I am a little annoyed.
OSD and I don't talk and haven't talked in a long time. She doesn't like me, I don't like her. DH rarely sees OSD. Her and I aren't on social terms.
I spent a lot of time and effort and money on this party. Why would I want to include her in that? Why does she even think that she should be included in that? Why does DH think she should be included in that?
I don't think DH would even have fun if OSD was around. It would change the whole dynamic of everything.
I think though that DH feels bad, if SS is invited then OSD should be invited. (They are both over 21 years old)
When is he going to stop asking stuff like this? I feel like I just need to bring it up to him, like why do you think I should have said yes to her coming (at least he asked) and don't ask again. LOL.
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i would simply have a sit
i would simply have a sit down with SS and say.... Boy you know OSD and I do not get along, thus if I invite you to something please do not ask if OSD can come with.... if she asks you if she can come with simply say NO... or better yet she does not need to know about it.
Explain to him she refuses to talk to you and until the day she accepts you this will be the way....
Yeah I'm confused as to why
Yeah I'm confused as to why SS would even tell DH that OSD wanted to come. SS knows VERY well how I feel about OSD.
And I was surprised that SS even told OSD. He knows my rule "When I invite you to something, don't tell your sisters". LOL. My only guess is that OSD was having a little party for her BD2 and that SS probably rushed out of that to come to our party so SS told OSD where he was going. I made it clear to SS to be on time, because we had to do the games before it got too dark.
nope do not buy that.. if she
nope do not buy that.. if she had a party why would she want to leave everything and join yours....
nope I think the Missy manipulated it out of SS and he is still her brother you know.... he did ask just not to get her upset, I think this was their conversation
OSD: SS what ya planing for tonight, lets go to the movies
SS: going over to Dad's for cook out (thinking oh dang why did I say that loud)
OSD: Oh tell Daddy I'm coming with and bringing his grand daughter
SS: Why do you want to go, you can't stand SM,
OSD: I know I want to spoil her evening and show her I'm Daddy's special little snow flake
SS: You are being rude and childish, why not ask dad if you could come and leave me out of it
OSD: *sob*sob* please call Daddy and ask him if it will be okay, yo know SM will scream at me if I call, you know SM hates me and wants to poison me, she took Daddy away from us.... (SS thinking at this stage blablablabla)
SS: Fine I will call but I guarantee you know it's a waste just stop your fake tears
and the rest you know
Ha Ha that made me LOL! I
Ha Ha that made me LOL!
I guess she is back with her abusive druggie DH but he's out of state. (not sure why) and she has been partying it up a lot lately. She just wanted to get out of the house and have some free food and drink. She has 2 kids Boy3 and Girl2 and she seems to leave them with BM a lot while she goes out at night.
I'm sure both SS and DH asked
I'm sure both SS and DH asked just to go through the motions of asking. I'd tell both what you told us. You invite SS as a friend, OSD and you are not friends, so obviously she would not and will not be invited. No need to go into it all. You could get along and still not consider her a friend to invite.
Agree. It's not like I feel
Agree. It's not like I feel bad about it, but in a way I do because it comes back on DH not including OSD and me being the evil SM because I said no. Even though I know all of my reasons make sense.
Yeah it's not like she asked
Yeah it's not like she asked to come over on a Sunday afternoon with her kids and I said no. (even though I wouldn't have liked it, I would have just sucked it up and left them alone.)
Not sure why it is so hard for him to say No.
I tried so many times with OSD and it always back fires and I told DH I am done. The last time, I invited her and her DH and kids for Xmas Eve dinner and she said she was coming and then the day before I see pics of her out of state. They decided to go visit her DH's brother. That is fine. But couldn't you at least tell us that? Especially since we weren't having anyone else over besides your family? That was like the 3rd time she did that to us so I told DH I am done.
I think that is exactly how
I think that is exactly how he feels. I struggle with it. I love my DH and don't want him to feel like he has to be put in these situations. But at the same time, I need to keep away from OSD because she gives me so much anxiety and stress and it's not worth it. Since I have disengaged from the skids and DH doesn't (normally) push me to be involved with them, our marriage has been 100% better. And I feel like if he had done a better job of setting boundaries and parenting them, etc then things wouldn't be so bad.
I know he hopes for a miracle.
I'm sure in his mind when he asked me he's thinking, SS is invited, OSD should be invited. There are a lot of people here so what is one more?
Don't bring it up with your
Don't bring it up with your husband or your ss.
If one of them brings it up, simple answer: "My parties are for my friends."
Smile brightly when you say it. No insult intended. Just a simple fact like, "oh, that butterfly is green!"
My dh once mumbled something about it not seeming "fair" that I go to a lot of effort for parties for SS15 and none* for SD17 and don't even invite her to her brother's.
I just said, "Hey, I do these things for my friends. She has made it very clear she's not a friend." What else could he say? Nada.
*I've made arrangements for her last 2 birthdays but not parties and she does not know I'm the one who saw to it she had memorable events turning 16 and 17. She has no clue.