In the 18 years that DH & I have been together, for the first 16 of them, BM and I have always gotten along well.

This despite all the attempts from OSD to build a wedge....from the very beginning I could see OSD was a manipulator (nothing has changed) and played parent off parent, parent off step-parent, and even step-parent off step-parent. And all with no success

BM and I continued to have a good relationship, even despite all of SIL's attempts to create drama between her and I (and when SIL didn't succeed either, would actually not only get ticked off with me for having the audacity to get along with BM, but she would get all attitudinal with BM too!)

OSD and SIL just couldn't stand that I had no problem at all with BM, and cranked up their efforts to create drama in the last couple of years. Far too many incidents to list, but a big one was inviting BM to events specially for DH's immediate family only, they aimed to make it uncomfortable for DH and of course humiliating for me. A lot of evilness going on, constant game-playing, and sadly even BM eventually jumped on the band-wagon with them and joined in during the last couple of years

DH repeatedly made it clear to his family that he was not comfortable with the surprise of finding his ex-wife at his family get-together's. He found it disrespectful to him, and even more so to me.

Yet they continued, and even cranked it up

And when they weren't inviting BM to family events of DH's that she had no business being at, they were going to BM's instead, to enjoy the family events there instead (and making sure we knew about it)

Despite how much DH voiced his displeasure at all this, it continued.

The only thing that changed in this whole scenario, was me

Up until very recently, BM could depend on the fact that I was always cordial and friendly to her. Always a big pleasant greeting hello, some initial chit-chat. Things were friendly, and BM liked this. I liked it too. I actually liked BM, and was so grateful I didn't have to deal with any of the stuff I would read on here about the nasty BM's and all the stress it was causing the SM's. All I saw in BM was a person who had clearly always been inlove with DH, sounds like she had been a loving wife to him, and I know a good mother to SD's. DH cheated on her and it ended their marriage, and she never got over it. DH told me his ex-girlfriend (the woman he had been having an affair with while married to BM) could not ever be anywhere near any event that BM was at, BM would have freaked right out, and of course OSD and SIL despised the woman too.

Before I came along, BM's post-separation relationship with DH was horrible. Very nasty divorce and it continued to be nasty. Things changed when I came into their lives. BM and I not only got along, we liked each other, we worked as a team for the sake of SD's. Now we could all go to events together - ones where DH and BM should both be at like school events, weddings, etc.. and everything was cordial, respectful, even nice

Unlike SIL and OSD, BM has never had an issue with me personally. BM's intention has always been, to have that contact around the man she still loves. And since I liked BM, and felt she was a good person, and felt bad for her too, I ignored the times she did sorta cross the line. And ya I guess BM liked that too!

Things would have been fine if it all chugged along more or less the way it was, but, you had SIL and OSD's conniving, finding more and more ways to try to use BM to get to me - like inviting her to things in DH's family that she had no business being at, and playing it up with her while there. And despite all DH's efforts to put a stop to it, they (including BM) continued

And then I changed

I stopped being sympathetic to BM. I stopped being friendly to her. Never stopped being respectful, cooperative or polite. But at the last event last month, BM got a taste of my 'indifferent shoulder' I won't say cold shoulder because I wasn't cold, just indifferent. But after 18 years of me always being reliably kind and forgiving, my indifference to her probably felt more like the super icy shoulder!

And, surprising (or maybe not) all this nonsense with her and SIL and OSD and DH's family seems to have come to a screeching halt!

None of the phone calls to DH a few weeks ago when the new baby was born like last year this time when YSG was born. None of the sneaky tactics to end up in the hospital room with DH at the same time. None of the trickery from OSD trying to arrange a little family outing (BM, DH, new baby and her all taking a happy little family road trip and visit up to her house - minus her parent's spouses of course)

And now we've learned that even the upcoming birthday party for SGS's (which OSD always holds a family dinner after for DH's family only, and invites BM) that it doesn't appear even that will happen. BM will go to the birthday party, but the dinner will be held on a separate day, and DH doesn't believe BM will be going to that

We are both relieved this stupidness seems to have come to a stop, but of course wondering what could have caused it. The only thing I can think of, is the happy post-divorce relationship BM was enjoying with DH thanks to my understanding and tolerance, has been taken from her now. We don't go to any family events anymore of DH's that she is at, and for the ones that it makes sense both her and DH are at (like the sgkid's parties) she no longer can depend on us being welcoming and comfortable with her hanging around, and off of, us like she generally does. We stay far away from her, and if she persists in following us around we keep right on moving around and way from her . If she tries to zero in on DH the moment I've left his side for something, he goes off to talk to someone else walking away from BM. None of it is done rudely, but I think BM has gotten the message

The only thing she wanted from all this drama in the last couple of years, was to enjoy being in DH's company, and i think she's now realized that was all possible for her because I made it so (whether intentional or not) and now that she walked all over me, joined in with OSD and SIL in their attempts to stick it to me, I no longer support BM. And if I don't support BM, well, neither does DH!

I truly think the reason it may (lets hope so anyway) have stopped, is because BM decided she lost by behaving that way, and she's backed out.

That means SIL and OSD don't get their way either. Ha!!