Yes there is a lot to think about. All of those things you mentioned you were terrified about are realities. Having multiple kids, your bio including steps is a lot. If you really want to be a mom then go for it. There is nothing like your own bio child. If you don't try then you will regret it for the rest of your life. You will be amazed at yourself and what you are capable of handing when you become a parent. Don't allow your anxiety to keep you from the desires of your heart.

Motherhood- your life is no longer your own.

It's very hard for so many reasons but so worth it.

Your own kid will be nothing like your step kids. If your marriage sucks and your step kids suck, get out and find a man without kids who wants them. Or do like my sister did and frozen pop them.

Your post really hit home with me. My ex didn't want to have any more kids and left it up to me to decide. I chose not to have any with him (thankfully) cause he didn't want anymore and I felt that it shouldn't be up to just me. He should want to have them with me. Now I'm dating a man who has no children, and he wants to have some. The problem I'm facing now is that I'm not sure I can We've been trying for a few months now with no luck. Try not to wait too long. I'm 34 now and have been trying for a few months. Every month is just another disappointment. I will be 35 in April, and fear that I may have lost out on my chance to have my own. I hope I'm wrong. I have the same fears as you. I'm scared of the entire pregnancy and ESPECIALLY of the child birth. I'm a hypochondriac about it all. I'm honestly terrified that I will die!!! But, my maternal clock is ticking and has over taken my thought process about it all. I just would love to have one or two now that I found the right man He'd make a great dad. My ex was a Disney dad and was always making up for BM's short comings. I look forward to having no outside influences with the functioning of my home and family. Good luck to you. Just don't wait until it's too late.

I just had my first and only bio child. She is nearly 4mo. She is by far the best thing I have EVER done. The love I have for her is so overwhelming sometimes that I forget to breath as I stare at her perfect lil face. I am 34 and really the pregnancy was not hard for me. The labor was terrible. I went in on a Wed at 5:30 p.m. and did not have the baby until early Friday morning. They had to take her by C-section. On another note, I refused pain meds for a long time (over a day) and I don't recommend that at all. My star in heaven will not be any brighter for it. On to the fact that I have 2skids full time! Well, it is borderline insanity to have 3 kids to contend with. Especially when one is a helpless newborn and one is a 7 year old nightmare who genuinely tries to do the opposite of anything you ask him to do. It is a struggle for certain. I have to tell myself that the current situation is not permanent or I would have already taken me and LO and ran for the hills. You have to do what's right for you. I can tell you that having a baby is absolutely every wonderful thing anyone ever said it would be. Pure innocence, unrivaled beauty, limitless potential and generally all things that are good in the world lie in my baby girl's eyes. When she smiles it is brings me indescribable joy. I do feel like everyone should have a chance to experience these things too!

I had BS6 2 weeks after I turned 39. I was terrified of ALL of those things you said... childbirth, after childbirth, Downs, autism, etc. But guess what? I had the easiest pregnancy possible...not one second of morning sickness, didn't gain much weight (actually wore my regular jeans right through my whole pregnancy) no issues sleeping, not even a headache. I actually felt the best I've ever felt, while I was pregnant.

I researched every dang delivery story I could find so I could be prepared for the worst, but hope for the best. My delivery was a strange one in that my water broke and then nothing happened. I ended up having a C section 52 hours later.. BUT it was just 52 hours of boredom... no (painful) contractions, just chilling in my bed chatting on the phone with friends, DH, family etc. C Section recovery was a piece of cake, I was actually walking around the mall with BS in a carrier a week after delivery. I tried breastfeeding, but only lasted about 5 weeks.. neither one of us was very good about it. No biggie, switched to formula and knock on wood, BS6 is extremely healthy. Even the Dr. comments at his yearly checkups how healthy he is. Never had an ear infection, had strep a couple of times and the stomach bug once and that's it.

My skids were older and didn't live with us, so having "3" kids wasn't really a concern.. and I don't parent skids.. that's DHs job.

Sure the lack of sleep had me frustrated at times when BS6 was a baby, but it truly goes by so fast! Before you know it you're baby will be six and in school and sleeping on his own, no more diapers, and bottles and you'll sometimes wish for those things. And then before you know it your 6 year old will be 16.. no more cuddling on the couch (unless your a weirdo mini wife skid), no more being attached to your hip and you'll sometimes wish for those things.

Having BS6 was the best thing I ever did. I gave up showing horses (which I NEVER thought I would do) and I could care less. BS6 is my life now and I'm enjoying every minute of karate, soccer, baseball, teacher conferences, coloring, Sponge Bob, birthday parties, toys etc.

I struggled with anxiety during my pregnancy. To the point that i would HAVE to drive to my work at 3am to check the doors to make sure i locked them..they were always locked.

I started havibg major panic attacks and at one point i couldnt stop crying for 2 days and went to the hospital and had to take xanex for a few days. It was horrible.

I got through it though and have not had 1 panic attack since their birth.. had a panoc attack on the operatong table as i was getting my c section and was sooo doped up their birth is a total blur.

Theres nothing like your own child though, even if yoour life will never be your own again.

While I'm voting HELL NO to having a baby with your husband, I am suggesting you boot him to the curb, free yourself to meet another man who'll treat you well and THEN have a baby with him.

Or, hell, boot your husband and go to a sperm bank!

Skids are NOTHING like bios. When it's your child you love them. It's not a chore to HAVE to have them around. Skids are invaders in our lives and homes and it's not the same.

I just spent 3 days locked in my bedroom last skid visitation like a troll with a 7 day old baby breastfeeding every hour. Why? Because SS14 was here for the weekend and he didn't need to see me wincing in pain and trying to learn how to breastfeed and the swing of things.

It's also been over 105 degrees these past few weeks and no, covering up isn't an option. Had to free boob it in my room. Sigh.

I was bawling. My mom left after a week of helping around the house, and then I had SS for the weekend, then DH even tried to keep him longer until I growled no! I wanted out of my bedroom!!! (Pretty sure acid spewed out of my mouth and my head turned around in a circle at this point)

Everything is different now. And it's a good thing. I have this new reason to wake up for everyday.

I'll have to report back how the next SS14 visit goes. I'm not holding my breath for a miracle.

It's worth every uncomfortable part of pregnancy. It's worth labor and delivery. Labor wasn't bad at all. I chilled with no pain meds until 7cm when I stalled out. They turned up the pitocin to 16 and I still felt like it was period cramps. Then they broke my water. That escalated the pain very quickly, but I got the epi right away, didn't hurt at all. It was great. She took an hour of pushing but I didn't even break a sweat! It was such a long boring 20 hours of waiting though.

I'm still looking at this baby girl wondering how the heck I created her. It's crazy.

When I was a kid and on into my teens and younger twenties I knew I didn't want kids. I just knew inside me I would hate being pregnant and labor and Delievery wasn't going to be some magical moment for me. My husband made a comment that if we were going to have kids it had to be before SS5(then3) turned four because he wanted them close in age so they could bond. I knew my parents wanted me to have kids and I figured I might as well get it done before I got started with my teaching career. I graduated college, got married a year later, got pregnant then had BS1 right before SS's fourth birthday.

The spacing is ideal so far and I recommend it to anyone. I was right about being pregnant and labor. I hated every minute. I begrudenly gained the weight like I was breathing air. I felt like I couldn't breathe and had zero energy. Labor was awkward and disgusting. Now that I've had my son, I have no plans on having another. I might consider adoption but I know I never want to be pregnant again. I'm so sure I have even considered donating my eggs to others who need them as I have no intentions of using them. Sometimes I want a little girl when I'm shopping for my friends daughter and I see all the cute clothes and shoes but it only takes about five minutes or so before I'm back on the "F that!" Train. The thought of restarting with all the diapers and onesies again makes me ill.

That being said, I love my son. He's wonderful. I'm glad we decided to get pregnant when we did. I parent him the same as I do SS5 when he was the same age. Nothing is different. In fact I pride myself on making things as equal/fair, not necessarily in the money department because I'm not giving BS two birthday parties or Christmases because SS gets two, but I do for SS what I would do for BS like go watch his school programs and ECs. I don't know if I love them different technically but I do know that I love the freedom of being my own kind of parent with BS1 than when I'm with SS5. It's refreshing to have only two Chiefs instead of two plus an outside nit-picking everything.

I was 39 when I got pregnant, 40 when DD was born. Didn't like being pregnant, panicked early in the labour (well... after 15 hours) so they gave me an epi, still felt more pain than a period but very manageable, another 15 hours and BOOM she was born! All of the drama was just over!

I didn't really enjoy the first year. She was great, has always been a fantastic sleeper at night, slept through at about a month. Never ill, usually cheerful.

But, I had a lot of demons come up during pregnancy and that first year or so. I had a very distressing childhood and I didn't want to repeat that. I worried a lot about it, even ended up in therapy. It was more than anxiety, although that played a part, it was that I didn't trust myself to be able to make different choices. I live with chronic pain and fatigue, so that also made it difficult for me - I didn't allow myself to sleep in case something happened to the baby (what, exactly, I don't know, but I felt I needed to stay alert and ready). Then I was obviously fatigued, and all the related symptoms like short-tempered, less flexible thinking, my pain was way up... but I couldn't take any pain pills because what if I fell asleep?

When she was around 6 months things improved a lot (I had completed therapy by then), and by 8 months I could really see that I was not repeating what I lived with. By a year, I started to mellow out and now, at 2.5 years, I can see what a lovely child we have, and what a great mom I am.

It's not easy to be a great mom. It takes a lot out of me, and I hate it when I turn on the tv for an hour for her so I can sleep because I'm exhausted... but it happens at least twice per month. I don't enjoy playing most toddler games, and definitely don't like playing them 2000 times per day, every day, for months. But hey, that's life with a toddler! Although I am setting more boundaries and insisting she do other activities sometimes. Lol! I do a lot to make a good life for my kid, but 90% of the work is in my head - I had a LOT of baggage, and it's still there. I just have to be able to set it aside most of the time now. Me as a person is just not as important as me as a mom right now.

Oh, I should mention it took about two years to conceive. Eventually, I just told DH when I was supposedly fertile and that we were going to do it every other day for a week on either side as well just to be sure. He was very tired, but it worked, lol!!!

I was 37 when I got pregnant with DD and 38 when I got pregnant with DS. Okay so I'm one of those people - my mom got pregnant accidentally at 40, I think it's in the genes... DS wasn't exactly planned.

My little ones are 2 and 7 months old now.
Anyway, I just wanted to address your fears- first of all, pregnancy varies for everyone and every pregnancy.

My first pregnancy was totally normal, though I hated being so huge and round and heartburny and uncomfortable, hated not being able to drink or eat sushi- BUT she was healthy and I was healthy and everything was pretty much by the book. I tried for a regular childbirth but she never dropped, so ended up with an induction, 30 hours of labor, 2 epidurals (the first one failed) and then a C-section when it stalled. Lots of drama and fairly painful but we got through it- and baby girl latched right away so breastfeeding went surprisingly smoothly. She was a basically easy baby. And the love was overwhelming.

With my son, I was already juggling SD7, work, and breastfeeding a 7 month old, who had just started sleeping through through the night - and suddenly found myself pregnant. Big shock. I was excited and terrified. Having two babies sounded like, literally, impossible. Pregnancy was okay w/ him until the 3rd trimester, then I acquired some virus (probably from my toddler) and was sick with fevers, rash, chest pain, swelling and heart arrhythmia until he was born - seriously started worrying about my health and his - he suffered too, so we spent a week in the NICU wondering if he was going to make it. Thankfully he's thriving now, and the happiest baby ever, and my illness resolved after he came out. No labor w/ him, scheduled C-section- and that was a breeze.

(C-sections were my friend. Not everyone has that experience, but if you end up with one, try not to feel sad.) (:

What I will say is my anxiety went up after having my babies- I think this is because I was suddenly aware how vulnerable I am to loss. I guess it's a good thing, but if you let it, can consume you in the middle of the night. Parenting blogs, sites, facebook- all tend to heighten it. So if you've battled anxiety before, you'd probably want to consider this, and maybe look into therapy/meds beforehand... or just try to remember a certain amount of increased anxiety afterwards will be normal.

Also, I'm one of those people who put off having kids because I didn't know how I'd feel about it. I was never a "baby person" even though I love kids. I sure didn't love becoming a stepmom- in fact SD, while sweet and a good kid, was totally exhausting. The act of stepparenting is not rewarding in my experience. Like, not at all. Well, you'll love your own kid so much it'll make you wonder how anyone ever compares the two. In fact, I'm now struggling with the "like my own" issue even more- I want SD to feel loved and included, but that love doesn't flow freely from me- I have no desire to hug or cuddle her, never did. My own kids get tons of affection and my patience for their crap is pretty limitless.

So that's my 2c. When someone asks who is on the fence asks about motherhood I usually say don't miss out! But only you can decide what's right for you. There's no wrong choice.

I agree with the others who say there is never a good time. I will say that if you think you want children at all, definitely act on it because time is limited. I started trying at 30 and didn't have my first until 34 after years of infertility treatments. I'm now 39 and still hoping for baby #4. I couldn't stand being pregnant, and I'm afraid I'll never be thin again, but my boys were worth the sacrifice. Feeling your child move inside of you is the best.

These are just my opinions, but your energy level and tolerance would be higher with your own children. Yes, it's tiring, but it's still so worth it. I'm a bit of an introvert, and my children have made me leave my comfort zone, and it's really amazing. As for childbirth, well, I've had 3 children and I'm still terrified of childbirth! Epidurals were my friend. Breastfeeding was a nightmare, but after my first, I didn't feel like such a failure. The real helpless, baby stage goes by so quickly.

You know there are women out there who love being pregnant, who have a great time and are sad it comes to an end? Yeah, I am not one of those women. Pregnancy has always sucked for me. My first daughter is now 3 years old and I still cringe when I think about how horrible the entire ordeal of pregnancy was. Morning sickness so bad I lost 6 pounds the first four months (I'm normally 115 so that was a huge drop), pelvic pain, sciatica, insomnia--whatever could happen, happened. I have a private blog for everything pregnancy related meant to remind me not to have a second one (which didn't work as I got convinced by DH to have another one--he wants four out of me but I'm getting my tubes tied this time.)

I was also petrified because I was pretty ambivalent to being pregnant, and in fact, hated it. I thought it meant there was something wrong with me because I didn't feel that instant love people talk about. It was like I was in some weird science experiment, just so alien. I used to call BD when she'd kick and roll around, "the bag of snakes" because it's literally what it feels like (and I have a comparison because I had pet pythons growing up.) I thought I was going to be a horrible mom because I wasn't gaga over being pregnant the way a lot of people are (and same thing this pregnancy around but since I know I am capable of loving my child more than anything in the world, I know it's just about meeting this one so I'm not as scared that I'm incapable of loving my own kid.)

Then labor. Water broke in the middle of the night and DH, in his absolute panic, sent and checked me into the WRONG HOSPITAL where I had to wait four more hours to be cleared to be sent to my actual hospital. Then at 8cms dilated, emergency C-section because the baby's heartbeat dropped to 40 bpm and didn't get back up. Trust me, take the morphine as painkiller when they give it as an option for post-surgical pain relief. I, stupidly, chose percocet.

There is seriously never a right time. I was 23 going on 24, married, financially okay but not great--you deal. Took every hand-me-down given and BD's formula was covered by insurance (she got constipated from everything except the specialized nutramigen) so BD was/is really cheap to raise--never bought a single scrap of clothing. Only cost was diapers. Couple that with the fact that my job (landlord) allows me to stay at home, daycare was not considered nor a financial drain.

I must have had some very mild PPD because some people feel that instant bond when they find out they are pregnant, some feel it when the baby is born, and some, like me, felt it a two months or so down the line when I woke up one day and from general ambivalence (just a feeling of responsibility) turned into OH MY GOD THIS WOBBLY POTATO IS THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD AND I WOULD KILL FOR HER.

Everyone responds to motherhood and pregnancy differently and how your marriage gets affected is also different for everyone. I can say that sometimes, when I want to kill DH, I just have to watch him interact with our BD (he's a very involved and hands on dad) and I can forgive him a little more for all his shortcomings because he's an awesome dad.

If you think you will regret not having kids, then that's something that is for serious consideration. But if you, like my sister who knows for sure she doesn't want kids, feel forced into it, then you will probably regret having a child.

I hear the dog/cat vs. kid argument a lot, and I occasionally gently remind people that dogs and cats remain dependent on you for the rest of their lives whereas kids grow up. People who don't like infants but end up having kids find that they like their kids more and more as they grow older into (hopefully) functioning independent adults.