I literally pretend she does not exist. When my husband shows me her messages or emails, I smile nod and forget about it.

This just more of the usual toxic blended family opposition crap. Screw BM. Nail her to the wall for her petty crap and do it each and every time she pulls this useless drivel. We never tolerated any crap from the opposition and for sure never ignored their toxic escapades.

We used to have to interface with the designee of the visit when turning the Skid over to SpermGrandHag's random travel escourt during most of the early years of SS's SpermLand visitation. We lived more than 1200miles away and no direct relative ever came to get toddler age SS. The closes relative that ever came to get the kid was one of the Skid's great grand fathers. A nice guy. We never had issues with him the few times he was enslaved by his hag daughter to play escort. More often than not SpermGrandHag would pay for a ticket for one of her friends who had a daughter in our town to pick up the Skid and take him back to SpermLand for visitation.

Each party had to pay to get the kid to their location for visitation and for return from visitation. Until he was old enough to fly as an unaccompanied minor (with the visitation kid bib and ovesite by airline personnel) they had to come pick him up and we had to go get him to bring him home.

No one in the direct SpermClan (DipShitIot, SpermGrandHag, SpermGrandPa, etc... )ever had the balls or intenstinal fortitude to face us directly. They used to cause so much drama and load the Skid up with so much shallow and polluted gene pool crap that the thought of being in our presence scared the shit out of them. On the few times they actual could not avoid being face to face with us (usually in court) we handed them their asses so badly that they pretty much avoided us at all costs.

When they were reasonable we worked with them reasonably. When they were not reasonable, we applied the pain. It worked out great for the most part.

ZERO TOLERANCE!!!!!

I've asked my husband not to tell me anything about BM anymore. I don't want to know what she says in her emails to him unless it's something that could affect my weekend plans (changes in the schedule, etc.). He's been good about keeping things involving their situation to himself for the most part.

I don't go along for pick ups or drop offs either. I don't plan on attending any of SD's school-related events in the future. I've never met BM and I'd like to keep it that way.

Oh my goodness, what were you thinking speaking to someone on your property? I'm assuming you weren't completely in her face about it or behaving in an aggressive manner. You were just being polite & you tried, you did your part, nothing else you can do. Clearly she doesn't want to be bothered, so I'd leave it at that.

She shouldn't be saying negative things about you to your DH, that's unacceptable & he should say something to her about it or it'll never end. If she truly felt threatened, she likely would've used different language, more serious language to express the seriousness of feeling threatened. What she said, I believe the point isn't to express concern for her own safety, but rather to insult you. I'm just going off of the little I know.

As for how to not think about the BM, I'd also love to know. We exchange nearly everyday & thus she is in our lives nearly every day, in person & via text. Skid talks about her all the time, I mean ALL the time. I'd love to know the answer to that too, bc the BM I'm dealing w has been unbelievably cruel to me in the past & she's always present (not in body but she's still here, if you know what I mean).

Ah, yes, always the victim, these types.

Good old communication does not work with them. Or, if it was my DH's ex, she would pretend to be friendly just so she could manipulate you, stab you in the back and get what she wants (I shut that down IMMEDIATELY). So, maybe be glad. I realize it would be better for all, for everybody to get along, but that is not always possible, especially with high conflict narcissists.

As far as her actions not affecting you, it depends on what her actions are. BM being a bitch did not affect me because I didn't go to exchanges until SD was old enough that BM was not a part of it. Texting was not yet a thing, so didn't have to see or hear about those (when DH did get a cell phone, he did not give BM the number).

DH made it very clear that he didn't want to talk to her about ANYTHING that did not have to do with his daughter (she would try to cry on his shoulder about stuff). He would hang up if she started inappropriate conversations with him.

DH also refused to let her use his daughter to manipulate him and that was big. I didn't have to worry about him giving in to her "for his daughter's sake". Once she learned that she couldn't hold SD over his head, she calmed down a bit.

Your DH has joint custody, so that is little different, as you have the kids more and there is more communication between BM and your DH, and more involvement overall. Your DH has to learn to put his foot down and stop "negotiating with her insanity", as you called it one of your other blogs.

In my case, the older SD got, the better the situation got but honestly, until SD emancipated herself by getting married and CS was over, there was a little "what is the bitch going to do next" occasionally running through my mind.