Never ever ever tell the skids the plans if BM has a history of spoiling things! Kids can't keep secrets and shouldn't be expected to.

Glad everything turned out good even though it wasn't a "first".

Stop telling kids of planned events.

BM did the same thing with us too. It just kills these women to let the skids enjoy time with their Dads or their Dad's new family. These BM's are so out of touch with reality that they don't see how freaking ridiculous they look or behaving.

In my opinion I think they do not like the fact that their ex's have moved on and have a life with someone else. I know our BM see's my DH and her kids as still the family. Your BM is probably experiencing this in some sick way too.

For instance, she tried to keep me from attending SD17 graduation but DH found away for me to get a ticket. When she saw us walk in with the SS's she immediately felt like the out cast. She called up SS16 and tried to get them both to sit with her and they said no.

So after graduation everyone goes out on the field to have pics with the grads. BM was so pissed off that she went out to the car to wait for SD17.

Oh my, what a nutjob. I would let the kids know you are flying them first class to Hawaii to spend time at a 5 star resort, then next time after that Paris to see the Eiffel tower. Let this witch go bankrupt trying to keep up with all the things she thinks you are going to do with them. Maybe tell her/them you are going to an spa farm together where the women roll is horse chit to improve skin tone and let her do that first too.

This is what would happen to us.
Skids on Monday- "What are we going to do this weekend?"
Us - "We are going to the County Fair?"
Them on "Tuesday" - Can we play games at the midfair?
Them on Wednesday - "Can we get funnel cakes? I'm so excited."
Them on THursday - "will you do the ferris wheel with me?"
THem on Friday - "We don't want to go! Mom says they are dirty carnies everywhere who are going to try and rape us!!!!!!! WE DON"T WANT TO GO!"

Skids the following MOnday - "What are we going to this weekend?"
US - "We are going to the springs?"
Them on Tuesday - "Can you go get my snorkels? I want to see the fish under water/"
Them on Wednesday - "Can you get our interrubes? We want to float down the river portion too?"
Them on THursday - "Can we maybe get a canoe too? What are you going to pack for the picnic?"
Them on Friday - "WE DON"T WANT TO GO!! Mom says its called poop springs cause kids poop in the water and its nothing but a bunch of college kids there drinking with their beer and you want us to be around drunk people and we aren't going!"

and so forth and so forth and so forth
until it became
Skids on Monday - "What are we going to do this weekend?"
US - "I don't know yet."

It sounds like your BM is pretty insecure to have to be the one to do all the "firsts" with her kids. How ridiculous of her.

When we moved to a new town last year, BM freaked out about how "far away" it was (30 minutes further than where we lived before). But then when we went to take SD to see a few of the local attractions, she said she had already been there with BM recently. So BM complained about how far we were moving, but then made a point of brining SD here to do everything fun there is to do before we had a chance. It was super weird.

Your SD's comment about not wanting to live with you was pretty odd - and rude.

My ex does this with my bios. Our BM doesn't have the money to do anything with her kids so its not an issue. But, I have started keeping any of our plans a secret, b/c he feels like he has to do everything with them first. To me, it just seems pathetic.

I laugh because we deal with this all the time. At first it was little stuff like bringing him to the park in our town 20+ minutes away instead of the one less than 5 minutes from her house that is newer and has more equipment (splash pad too). Then it became fandoms that she never gave a crap about before DH/me would get SS into them like comic books, Star Wars and hobbies she was never into until I started taking SS like fishing, hiking, Mardi Gras. Honestly it annoyed me until DH pointed out that BM is going to run her finances into the ground by constantly trying to keep up with what we do and redo-ing everything we do. Now if there's anything we want to keep special or do first we don't post about it or tell SS.

My ex tried this initially with BS9. I knew he would, cos he did the same to BM when we were together! Problem is, with BS9 if he enjoys something he wants to do it over and over and over again. He also loves the idea of showing me where the good/favorite things are. So, in BS9's mind it is like ex prepped him to show his mom the best bits!

I think ex figured this out (I am sure BS9 would go back and ask to go to the same place again!), so he quit competing!

We deal with this all the time as well. It used to tick me off but now we just don't say anything. Sometimes SO will slip up, then BM will do what ever it was he had planned the weekend before he does.

We have set BM up:

Once we let it be known that we were thinking about going to Florida for March Break...
We decided to see how far BM would go by doing things with skids that SO planned to do. We told the skids we were thinking about it, but no plans were set in stone.

Skids must have told BM as she immediately made plans. She went and ordered the skids passports and had all the paper work for SO to sign so she could take them out of province.

She pulled them out of school the week before March break to take them on a vacation for 2 weeks.

Skids ended up spending most of their time at a motel watching TV and sitting by the pool. Things they could do at home! They didn't even go to Disney! They didn't appear as happy about that trip after they came back as they were before they left.

It's a really fine line with the kids. While you don't necessarily want them to "hide" things from their other parent, it also isn't necessary or right for them to repeat everything they hear/see/do back to the mothership either.

We told the girls that we expected that what happens at dad's stays at dad's. Occasionally he would get the rabid call from BM with some crap that the kids repeated that was usually wrong, or at the very least misinterpreted by BM's sick mind.

He generally tried to not respond to her in those situations. I would keep plans private from now on.

Once again, the similar patterns of these damaged individuals emerge. BM hated the beach and we live on the beach. When the kids were small all she did was say how awful beaches were, too hot,boring, etc. Discouraged the kids as much as possible but they came anyhow. Then, literally overnight she fell in love with the beach. She buys all the gear, goes all weekend and of course now has the adult kids go with her because they won;t leave her alone (has no partner and hates intimacy unless its with her kids). She copied my kitchen, my clothes, my styles..sounds flattering right? Not...she has no original thought in her head and taking away our special places and events is all she can do to ensure she's on top. Pathetic. Needs a life.