Vacation and Court
Court, GAL, mediation, restraining order, moving, etc. You name it, we are dealing with it lately. So for the short version, BM is moving out of her house that is in the same neighborhood as us (me and DH). She is moving 30 miles away and is planning on changing the schools for the kids to her new neighborhood. DH has 50/50 and BM is your typical angry, narcissistic, borderline personality type BM. Skids are 8 and 6 and my BD is 8.
So, we filed to have our address as the domicile for the schools and are currently working with a GAL to determine what is the best for the kids. BM doesn't communicate anything, doesn't participate in school activities, and tells DH all the time that when the kids are with her he should pretend they don't exist, aka it's none of your business. For instance, this is the first week of summer and she told DH they would be in camp in our neighborhood where they have gone for the last three years and when I went to drop of DD they weren't there. She pulled them out and we have no idea where they are. Lovely, I know. During all of this we also found out that BM's boyfriend is spanking SS6 and making his life quite miserable. All of this is helping DH with his request to be the address for their school and well being.
So there is the back story...now my current issue. The skids and my dd have dealt with some adult issues lately. My skids have no choice but to deal with their BM and her chaos because she is their mom and they love her but it has effected them and all of us a lot lately. I do feel for them as they are great kids, but I can't fix it for them.
This summer we have the skids every other week. My DD and I are planning a few days away to visit my family in another state. My DD is with me all the time. My DH is very upset by this because he doesn't want his kids left out. Which I understand, but I also realize my DD needs some time with my Mom, her Grandma this summer. My DD has been dealing with all of this too and I think some one on one time with Grandma will be good for her.
I see his point that his kids will be sad and feel left out, but at the same time, we can't put our lives on hold when they aren't here. They will be with their mom doing who knows what... He is upset by all of this, but honestly I think he is mostly upset because of the entire situation. Not just this issue. I don't want to not go because they can't go with us or change our plans entirely because when they are with us we would have to have Grandma come here and we wouldn't get an opportunity to get away this summer.
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your husband is being a
your husband is being a jerk-baby. You should go visit your family with your daughter. The skids will be with their family (BM). Everything in life is not about them and they might as well learn that lesson. On the other hand, everything in your daughters life cannot be about the skids-she is allowed to have her own relationships with her mother and her family. She has probably already sacrificed a lot over you remarriage.
I really think it's the
I really think it's the parents who gets so caught up in their emotions when it comes to kids missing this holiday or that week of fun. The kids most likely don't even care that you'll be going and only taking your kid. Your DH needs to stop taking "his" split custody so personally. The kids are being clothes, fed and in decent shape when they return to y'all so anything else that happens at BM really isn't his business especially about the summer camp. It's BM's time and he needs to let go. On top of that he needs to stop seeing his kids as victims; firstly because the stories that flow from one house to the other are always more dramatic than reality that's just basic logic based on their perception. Another is that I seriously doubt those kids are locked into their rooms doing absolutely nothing during their stay with their mom. Just because he was miserable with her doesn't mean he needs to project those emotions onto his kids.
I don't think she should be moving with them or that their stepfather should be their disciplinarian but there's little you can do without a judge's order. Go and enjoy your daughter with your mom. Your skids get a weekly vacation everytime they go to their moms and she's stuck with you guys all the time. Let her get some grandma spoiling.
It is definitely him that is
It is definitely him that is caught up in what he thinks is their emotions. Right now he does see them as victims and he is the only one who can fix it or help them. I've suggested therapy, so we will see. To be fair, she is horrible mother and makes really bad decisions, but she is their mother and he needs to let it go and find some way to detach.
Thanks for reminding me of all of this. DD does need some Grandma spoiling. Hell, we all do!
he's projecting his own
he's projecting his own stress onto the situation.
it is a-ok for your daughter to get some one-on-one time with you mom. my grandmother has never had all her grandkids at one time. lots of us got one on one time with her. my grandparents would take me and my brother for a week before school started back. my sister (st.sis) never cared. she totally took advantage of it as one-on-one time with mom.
your dh is being overly concerned with a what-if that will likely never happen, just because of the tension surrounding your particular step situation.
Hmmm - my comment seems to
Hmmm - my comment seems to have disappeared.
It is absolutely fine for your kid to go see her grandmother.
The skids are not your mother's grandchildren, so why on EARTH would they go visit her??? Makes no sense...
He is being overly dramatic about things that haven't even happened yet. Ugh, dude, come on, pull it together.
Well, my skids are close to
Well, my skids are close to my mom. They see her as their grandmother too. We are one of those big happy families that take in everyone. My mom treats my skids wonderfully and loves them. However, there is a difference between my dd and skids...but they all feel the love from Grandma. My DH's family is the same way with my DD. Both of our families love kids, so anyone who brings kids around biological or not gets the royal treatment.
But yes, he is being over dramatic...that is very true.
that is great, but the actual
that is great, but the actual biological child is entitled to spend some time with her Nana
His kids are not her grandchildren, no matter how badly anyone wants her to be.
He sounds like he is committed to making/keeping them "victims" - NOT a good road to go down. Sometimes life is not fair, and sometimes we don't get to do what we what we want. Sounds like the skids need to learn this lesson.