New Home, new anxiety
Well, we just closed on a house.
DH insisted on a more expensive four bedroom in hopes that SS will want to move in with us once he's old enough choose.(read my thanksgiving post about the surprise "i wanna live with you" speech.)
Although the thought of him moving in has been giving me nightmares and I can feel the anxiety setting in, I was initially okay with it. A guest bedroom would be nice right? Or maybe a playroom?
SS still has a few years to go before he can decide for himself, but DH wants to make it his room now and furnish/decorate it for him. DH wants him to feel welcomed and part of it. Not only do I see this as a waste of space as we see him one weekend month, but his own room is bound to be the trigger for moving in ASAP and Im not sure I'm ready for that....or will ever be ready for that.
Can't we make it a guest bedroom while still storing his things in the closet for now at least until its time for him to choose? Am I being selfish?
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YUP you are but I'd feel the
YUP you are but I'd feel the same way. Nothing wrong with being selfish when it comes to ones mental health and well being. I have no advice, just wanted you to know it's ok to feel selfish and you're not the only one.
Sorry that is all I have to offer.
While I don't know where you
While I don't know where you live (so please take this information with a grain of salt) this may help calm your fears a small bit. In the US children do not get to choose where they live until they are 18. Yes, they can tell a judge where they would prefer to live. That age varies from state to state starting as soon as 12 but most states say 14. But even telling a judge where the child wants to live does not make it a slam dunk. Unless BM and DH both agree to the situation and settle out of court it could very well fall through. So BM has to do is throw a fit and start listing ways it would not be beneficial to move SS it could be a hard job to convince him.
I have never heard that from
I have never heard that from anyone and I'm several legal sites dealing with my ex. The general consensus is that it gives the child to much power. Children should not be making adult decisions. I have to say I agree. So sorry to hear that may not be your case. Maybe ask for a change in judge??.
I've never dealt with minor
I've never dealt with minor skids so I have no experience with the courts. Do the judges talk to other family members? - like the new spouses. If so I would be extremely candid with the judge as to my unwillingness to have the child in my home if I got to have a private interview
Not to be vindictive or to try to sabotage anything - but to paint a true and honest picture of what life in your home might be like. How healthy is it if the SM is running around the house pulling her hair out in despair? }:) }:) }:)
How often do you have guests?
How often do you have guests? If you have regular guests staying with you more than SS is staying with you. But chances are you dont.
Keep it middle ground, hold off decorating the room for SS until you know whether or not hes moving in, sell it to DH as then SS can choose how to decorate the room when he makes it his.
But in the mean time, have it set up for SS but to double as a guest room as/when needed whilst SS is only there one weekend in a month.
Why is it only one weekend a month and not two? Id find it strange for custody to be handed to a parent that previously only had 3 days out of 30.
I wouldn't worry about
I wouldn't worry about something that may not happen but at the same time, you need to accept the fact that someday, he may want to live with his dad.
I have never wanted kids but I knew that there was a slight chance that my SD would come and live with us. I just told myself that it would fine and I would deal with it when and if it happened. It never happened, so it would have been pointless to stress over it.
Sometimes, the more you resist something, that's exactly what the Universe gives you.
Thats what I was thinking. I
Thats what I was thinking. I think I may let him help pick out some colors. But it will be decorated simply and tastefully for him AND for guests until (if) he moves in. And in the unlikely event that a judge did ask my opinion, I would simply be completely honest and let him decide weather it's a good idea.
Also, SS was just here this weekend, he didn't do his two daily chores. (making his bed and taking out the trash) Not once.
The room can be used as both
The room can be used as both SS's room and a guest room.