How to continue?
How do I continue to live my life comfortably in my home, and continue to raise my daughter when I feel attacked by my stepchildren? Nothing was done with malicious intent to them. I simply asked/told them to do something children are expected to do every day of their lives. I fully intend/have disengaged. However the dreaded arrival of their return comes tomorrow.(or at least 1/2) ss13 just "doesnt know if he can return" :jawdrop: I need advice on how to proceed without attacking. I now view them as parasites that destroy everything around them and care nothing of the people that support them.
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Unless they are three or four
Unless they are three or four years old it is perfectly okay to retaliate against people who attack you. In an age appropriate way of course. But those age limitations erode year by year until they are completely gone by the time they reach 18.
No one should tolerate abuse - even from children.
I'm not sure what you mean by
I'm not sure what you mean by attacked, but once SD13 got to a more "self-reliant" age I give her what she gives me. She ignores me most of the time, so I ignore her. I don't ignore essential needs, but I don't do anything extra. Everytime I see something she might like, I fight the urge to buy it & transfer that money into my savings account. She doesn't acknowledge me, I don't acknowledge her. It's like a ghost is in my house every other week, but for my sanity I had to do what I had to do.
When I say attacked I don't
When I say attacked I don't mean in a physical way I mean more in an emotional way. They attacked my character and made me out to be evil stepmom. And that is my plan I already told dh that I have my DD1 Easter basket ready to go but if he wants anything to be done for the skids that's on him. Usually I take care of it.
I'm sorry you're going
I'm sorry you're going through this. By the age of 13, they know exactly what they're doing. And like the other person said, treat them like they treat you (even though you're the adult and should know better, as people say). But it's hard not to treat them poorly when they do it to you. I never understand why the adult should do the "adult" thing? Sometimes you have to stoop to their level, unfortunately, makes you feel bad afterwards but then you also feel justified as well.
Yes I do feel justified
Yes I do feel justified because its always buy this, buy that, do this, do that, can you? All the effing time. I guarantee at points I was doing double the work of their own mother. However the moment I ask them to clean their room and their father is not around its a big deal and they call BM crying. I had no back up from her (not surprising) DH did his best over the phone (because he was in another country for 6 months)and when he comes back they want to continue this sob story that I am so mean.