SD21 and SD18 are butts..not nearly as bad as some of the horror stories I've read here, but, bad enough to drive me insane. However, they do have a great deal of potential that is going to go to waste because BM wants them to live her life. We'll start with SD21. She is currently in college, majoring in accounting. She's changed her major 2-3 times in the last 3 years, but this time she seems really happy with her current major. She's even got the opportunity to do a paid internship as part of one of her classes in accounting. However, BM keeps telling her it's a waste of time because she'll never get paid enough and never "move up". When SD21 told me this, I wasn't surprised that BM is trying to change her mind..she wants everyone on the planet to be an RN or CNA (not that it's a bad job, it's just NOT for everyone) And although it's not my place, and SD21 won't listen anyways, I simply told her that there is no way BM could know this. I told SD21 that no, she might not start out on the high end of the pay scale, but if she does a good job she could work her way up. Especially if she moves to a decent area. My brother in law started out in accounting and he worked his way up to senior VP at an investment firm. He brings home 6 figures a year. So yes, there is a chance she can work her way up. Who knows, maybe BM doesn't want SD21 to make more money than her (which is weird since I could see an elderly BM sponging off the skids to feed her BINGO habit lol). SD21 usually seems to be smart and halfway decent as long as BM is around. But it's like she reverts to a 3 yr old when BM is in the picture. Now, SD18. I've stated many times that about 3-4 years ago, BM and SD18 moved out of state, therefore making SD18 pretty much an "only child" and let me tell you, that brat has definitely got some sort of "only child syndrome". I don't know if it was some sort of plot to make SD21 feel bad for not moving, or if BM is buying SD18's love for making her move away from family and friends..but whatever SD18 wants, she gets..she went from being a funny, not always bratty little kid, to a "the world owes me whatever I want" snotty teenager. I mean, she doesn't even ask DH for anything anymore, she TELLS him what he's going to do. He usually tries shutting that down (for example, when she tells him he HAS to do something, he'll respond with "I don't HAVE to do ANYTHING")..but, she never listens, and she continues to tell him what's expected of him. (Maybe he should just use the word NO lol). Anyways, I think BM is afraid of her "baby" growing up and moving away and that's another reason she buys her whatever she wants. It's weird..when SD21 turned 16, BM made her get a job and start paying her own bills (car insurance and cell phone bill)..but here we are, YSD is 18 and BM says she doesn't have to get a job until she graduates high school, which between her late bday and getting held back a year, isn't until 2017. And now BM and SD18 are bragging that since she turned 18, BM has been getting her hooked on BINGO (like mother like daughter I guess)..of course since BM pays for the BINGO, whatever SD18 wins, BM gets a cut of..which I suppose is understandable..however, I'd like to think that teaching her to make her own money through hard work would be a better idea than teaching her to win some by gambling. I know, these are BM's kids and not mine..and I also no that their lives are none of my concern. And trust me, I won't lose any sleep at night if the skids never grow up. (as long as DH doesn't let them live here forever and sponge from us..but I don't think he is that stupid..a little slow yes..brain dead..no lol) And I know that BM and DH are not the world's worst parents (especially compared to some of the stories I've read on here). But I won't lie..it is a little sad to see that for whatever reason BM has (insecurities, control issues, etc)..she's potentially holding her kids back from possible greatness. I don't expect the skids (or even my own bios for that matter) to live to "my standards" of life..and I know they're young..but it would be nice to see them start paving their own ways in life, without road blocks like their own BM..she should support them (as long as they're not doing anything crazy or illegal) and encourage them..not tell them to live the life SHE wants them to live (which is being an RN who lives way beyond her means, plays BINGO more than some people change underwear, and being in debt up to your eyeballs)..My bios, who are 14 and 10, have often told me ideas of what they want to be when they grow up..and instead of telling them to do what I did, I just tell them to pick whatever job they feel they would be happiest at, as long as they have the skills to do it of course. That they can (and yes this is overly cliche) "do whatever they set their minds to". I know their minds will change 4932804938 times between now and when they are old enough for careers, but unlike BM, I want my bios to know that I support them. I have a hard enough time keeping my own shit together, I'm not going to try to keep theirs together when they're adults lol.