It is SIL's (Debbie) big 40th party this weekend. This SIL is friends with BM on FB, as well as, in real life. In January when SS13 had his football tournament & both the SILS had an arguement & MIL had an arguement with Debbie,I said to DH afterward I will not be attending the party as Debbie is HIS sister & it makes me ill that she is all buddy,buddy with BM after BM cheated on DH.Where does SIL loyalty lie? DH 's other sister (who I get on with) is civil to BM, says "hello" to her if she sees her but that's it.Debbie on the other hand made a big show if flinging herself around BM's neck at this tournament and having a fat chat with her,this was shortly after saying to me "You must feel so akward because BM is here but she has every right to be here as she is SS mother!" . I hadn't commented on BM being there & why should I feel akward??I am DH's wife not his bit on the side! After the tournament MIL (who was upset anyway because FIL had turned up to tournament with his partner & their daughter) & other SIL came to our house and commented on Debbie's behaviour,I said in front of both of them I am not going to her party as she doesn't know the meaning of family loyalty & she must invite her mate BM instead.

This Saturday just gone SS was at his friends house until 9pm so we had a nice meal,opened a bottle of wine & the topic of the party came up.I explained to DH as I said before I wouldn't be going as it is the principle of the matter.I also said if Debbie was my sister when the whole drama had kicked off with BM 11 years ago I would have had words with Debbie about her continuing friendship with BM after she had broken up DH's family.DH's excuse was "Oh but you know how Debbie is she lacks social skills",really?! After a few more glasses of wine and a long chat DH said he wouldn't be attending the party either as he does understand how by everyone just accepting Debbie's behaviour it is seen as condoning it.

Fast forward to last night and now not only is DH attending the party but he wants SS to go too! It's not his weekend so of course BM had to be contacted and asked if SS can be with DH this weekend (the party is in another town & would involve an overnight stay in a hotel).

I completely lost my rag!This discussion took place this morning after SS went to school.I told DH I can't believe he is so spineless that he is going back on his word!I also would like to spend some time with my husband but now out of 4 weekends this month he is having SS 3 weekends (he has him 2 days in the week also as custody is 50/50) so it's not like he doesn't see his son. Amazingly when SS isn't here then DH wants to laze about because he has had a busy week but the weekends SS is here he is Mr energetic and wants to do loads of things to entertain SS 24/7!

I said to DH I am very unhappy with the situation & I love him but I had never been with someone who has a child until I met him.I told him I definately didn't know what I was getting into & if we split up I would never date someone with kids again in a million years. I told him if I knew then what I know now I would have never dated him,never mind married him. I feel very isolated as I have no family in this country and very few friends (none local) and I am sick to death of fitting in with his lifestyle. Yes from the outside it all looks peachy, we live in a lovely home in the suburbs but that suits him because HE has a kid not me and his family live around here.I could pack my bags tomorrow & live anywhere as I have no ties. I told him I am fed up of the double standards,DH gets annoyed with other people's kids pretty quickly but SS (who is super annoying and super entitled) is of course golden. I asked him if I had an affair like BM did does this mean everyone would carry on like nothing happened too or does she get special dispensation because she is the golden uterus that bore his ONLY child???

DH actually had the audacity to say how there are SO many stepfamilies now day and they all seem to be coping pretty well -at this stage I think my face turned puce and I almost exploded.I said to him actually has he looked online at any forums where SM's in particular are seeking help??? He had to leave for work then but said we would talk this evening when he gets back and to make a list of what he can do to fix the situation,to which I replied "You can start by growing a backbone!" DH thinks because we are going for lunch at a posh restaraunt on Monday that makes up for this.I just want to scream and empty a plate of food in his head!

I know people will say go off and do something fun this weekend while they are away at the party & I seriously wish I could.I do wish one of my gf lived nearby but they don't so am basically stuck! In the 6 years we have been together the only time we fight is over DH's lack of boundaries / BM's demands/DH's certain family members and them falling overthemselves around BM (cousin & cousin's wife prime candidates who I avoid like the plague now).