It's been a crazy couple of months here and I've missed my STalkers.

I've had injections and consultations with new Ortho & Neuro docs only to find out this week that my condition is most likely non-operable and permenant. In July my SD15 told me she wanted us to be friends again and started acting like a human and laid off on the snarky attitude and eye rolls. Things got better. We got along for a while. She even helped me tremendously one weekend when I sang at a three night cancer benefit in another town, which was huge because those three nights took alot out of me physically.

I have also since began selling Origami Owl jewelry. I figured this would be a great way to be able to start earning the money we need to get DS and I into our own place until I can go back to a normal job. (So, if anyone is looking for some cute new jewelry & free gifts with purchase, please keep me in mind and help me build my exit egg!)

Things were going well family wise (Yes, I plan to leave, but I also know until I am able to, it is better to live as harmoniously as possible. Frankly all the stress makes my pain way worse. So basically I am trying to fake it till I make it!) until about 2 weeks ago. I had just had an injection in my SI joint that morning and was flat on my back in agony. OSD20 picked up the kids from school that day for us so SO could stay with me. Grandma brought over a snack for the three of them from a fast food restuarant and SD15 brought the bags into our room and began her usual ADHD attention seeking aggravating. She was playing "keep away" with SO's food to which he got angry & told her he was about to kick her in the face if she didn't stop (No he would never kick her in the face for real, but this comment I feel is important). Fast forward 30 seconds when DS14 walks into the room and says he's in the middle of homework and wants to get back to it and asks her for his food. She then begins playing keep away with it and teasing him. Back & forth for a few minutes and SO telling SD to cut it out, and DS then tries to reach across her to get the bag when she holds her other arm out blocking him. He then punched her in the arm. The punch was not hard and the second he did it you could see the look of shame and terror on his face. He ran to his room and began crying. SO began yelling and screaming about DS14 punching his daughter and I needed to get that boy some help. He ranted for an hour.

Now, I am in no way defending or condoning my DS's action! He was wrong. Period. But I also cannot overlook the facts: SD had pushed and pushed to the point he lost it; He punched her in the upper arm, not int the face resulting in a broken nose; and everyone who has ever met this girl has wanted to punch her at least once because of the aggravating. She outweighs him by 80lbs and he's never hit anything in his life, so it's not like there was a lot of force behind this punch.

While SO was on his rant, I managed to get out of bed and walk to his room to talk to him. He was bawling his eyes out and the first thing I said to him was that no matter what, he is to NEVER lay his hands on a girl! I then told him he needed to apologize and he told me that he had already done so, but she just gave him an eat shit look and walked past him. I know that the loss of four close relatives in 3 yrs, as well as moving and changing schools has been very difficult on him and he's had a tough time. So, I made an appointment for our pediatrician to possibly refer us to counseling. She immediately unpon hearing the story said that it sounded like there seemed to be another behavior problem going on in the household and that DS reacted the way most in his place would react.

For the past two weeks it has been a nightmare. My son whom I have never in 14yrs had any sort of behavioral issue - much less violence out of is now being treated like a psychotic abuser. SO says SD is afraid to go to sleep because of him (which I'm sorry, I call mega Bullshit on that one) and SO has raised hell at me for not punishing him more. And yes you THINK if something like this happens you'll just go the hell off on your kid and take away everything for months... But when you go to your child who is crying his eyes out because he feels so awful and shameful, and he's hearing a grown man yelling in another room about him and how he "needs help" and comparing him to kids that shoot up their schools... What are you supposed to do? When this was going on I told him he may need to talk to a psychologist to work out his anger and frustration was enough. (he thinks that means he's got some sort of mental defect and feels shame over the mere idea of therapy even though I have always stressed that even the most normal people can benefit from a little therapy once in a while) He cried until he went to sleep that night and the following weekend would not leave his room without texting me to see if anyone was in the kitchen or living room because he didn't want to face anyone else. SO won't even hear anything about his daughter or how she played any part in the situation. Again, I'm not condoning what DS did, but I'll be damnded if I'm gonna allow him to be persecuted and not bring up that she did play a part in it.

So now, I'm here trying to scrounge together every penny I can to get us the hell out of dodge. SO spends 24/7 with SD and because of this incident we now have to sleep with our bedroom door open - which I get he's concerned for his Princess, but it's offensive to me just the same because DS is not gonna murder her in her sleep! AND the cherry on the cake of my day... He's now talking about home schooling her! Why? Because her lazy ass doesn't wanna get up and go to school! Literally, she's fine all day long, but when it's time for bed she starts complaining. He let her stay home this morning because she had a stomach ache! A freaking stomach ache!! So he's gonna reward her laziness by giving her exactly what she wants - to not have to go to school anymore! And I will have to put up with her 24/7. School was the only respite I ever get from her! Now I'm gonna have to listen to her singing at the tippy top of her lungs all day every day! And she doesn't even sing an entire song, hardly even an entire verse. Her out of control ADHD makes her pick one line and repeat it... over and over and over! DS and I have got to get the hell out of here ASAP!

So that's my vent. Disengaging once again. Not looking for answers - because there really aren't any - just commiseration.