Sorry it's long!

My SO and I have been discussing homeschool for almost a year now. He kept bringing it up for SD15, usually each time she was "sick" when it was time to go to school, which is weekly. I kept telling him that homeschool was not a good option for her (IMO) because she is a very social person and would not be around people every day, which is what she needs (if for no other reason than to learn to live amongst other people in harmony). And frankly because he makes her responsible for absolutely nothing and she needs to learn to be responsible - what's gonna happen when she has to get a job and just doesn't wanna go? Since February, DS14 has been getting strep every 60 days like clockwork. We have learned that he is carrying the virus and needs his tonsils removed. The pediatrician said he will be down a minimum of 3 weeks for this. Add to that, that my Mom is currently in hospice and I need to be able to go be with her as much as possible before she passes. This is not something the school will excuse of course and I can no longer count on SO caring for my DS while I drive an hour each way to spend time with my Mom, or go to my doctors appointments, since "punchgate". So for a few weeks I have been contemplating homeschooling DS for the remainder of the year so we could be with my Mom and get his surgery. DS had been begging me to homeschool him since we decided to move because he has such anxiety about being in new situations. He is very outgoing when he gets comfortable, but at first he's very much like me and will make himself sick worrying about people not liking him to the point where he shuts down and makes it more difficult for anyone to get to know him. I felt like it was important for him to socialize and have the HS experience. But now, our situation has changed.

Last Friday, SD had a stomach ache and couldn't go to school. This was the 4th day she had missed that week alone - and this was the 3rd week of school and she had missed 1-2 days each of the other two wks. Friday night, I asked SO what he was going to do about school with SD and he plainly said "She's homeschooling. She's officially a student of XXX homeschool."
....Um wait, WHAT??? You just did it? Without even discussing it with me at all? I mean this is your child and I don't expect to have a say in what you inevitably decide for her, but we are both raising kids of almost the same age together and I would expect to at least have a discussion before jumping! Especially since a week before I had just told him I was considering it for DS this year. Am I wrong here that there should have been a conversation?
Not to mention, she doesn't wanna get her ass up and do what she's supposed to do, so instead of making her be a teeny bit responsible, you REWARD her by allowing her to NOT go anymore?

So, over the weekend I decided to go ahead and homeschool DS as well. For the reasons I stated above, and also because I know the anxiety he gets being new and knowing we will again be moving (away from SO and SD) and he will go thru that over again. I didn't discuss with SO until after I had already made the call. He seemed shocked! He said he didn't want me to homeschool DS just because I thought it wasn't fair for him to have to go to school and SD not to. I told him it had absolutely nothing to do with fairness in this case (Although fairness is something we struggle with constantly and no, it would not be fair - but that is not the reason I did it!). He seemed angry because his daughter was no longer going to be the "special" one in the house or something? Or maybe it could also be because poor widdle SD is afwaid to be in the same car riding to school with DS because DS might kill her, since he's such a psycho abuser. He kept saying he did it because it was what was best for his daughter - because he doesn't want to parent her and make her get her ass up and go to school! I said "If you did it because it's best for your child, why wouldn't you think it's also best for mine?"

Since last week when I was told once again that I do nothing but criticize SD (by asking her to pick up after herself or tell her (very nicely) that she has an orange makeup line on her neck - something I'd tell anyone I cared about so they didn't look silly. I mean if you had spinich in your teeth you'd expect your family/friends to tell you and not let you walk around like that!) I have again disengaged from her. If I don't talk to her, I can't be accused of being mean or criticizing her, right? So I do not speak to her and if she speaks to me the conversations are quick and to the point. She has been trying to be nice to me and engage me. And even though I know for a fact that she is manipulative and selfish (She knows exactly which buttons to push to get her way. Laziness is her homeschool reason, but she's telling everyone it's because there are no nice girls at school to be friends with and she feels uncomfortable being around girls who cuss and talk about doing nasty things with their boyfriends all the time. But shouldn't she be encouraged to ignore this or find new friends because the world is full of people who are going to talk about things that are uncomfortable for you for the rest of your life, which is why you learn to find ways around them.). I also know it's the way she's been taught to be and it's really SO who is the bad guy here. He's been a total dick to me. He is apparently learning about dissengaing and is now disengaging from me, LOL! (Yet of course he still wants to sleep with me... Yeah, I don't think so buddy. I told him he treats me like a roommate and not a partner that he loves and I don't sleep with my roommates)
Neither of them speak to DS. And I just have to say how proud I am of the man my DS is turning into because he doesn't let their crap bother him at all. He often texts me (from his room) when he knows I'm feeling down and says "Don't worry Mom. What they do is of no concern to us. We're gonna be ok. We're just gonna do what we have to do to get out." I know it shouldn't bother me because I am not here for the long haul. But, it's really hard to live in a contentuoius household and feel comfortable even if it's only temporary. (And of course, he has no idea it's temporary. Which almost makes me feel worse because I don't want him to have any satisfaction in thinking this situation is ok since I'm "putting up with it".) Again, I know I shouldn't care... Just glad I have a place to vent!

And I apologize for the rambling ranting nonsense sentences. I am frustrated and have ADD and I tend to babble. LOL