Sigh. This week has been full of (step)family time, most of it really really good. The week began with BM ranting at SSs10 on the phone, making them cry, playing her NPD games about who they're "choosing", her or their little brother, they're not calling her enough (because suddenly it's their job to call her instead of the other way around, telling them that they *must* call her every day this week (and they're afraid not to because they know how hellish things will be when they go back to her if they don't do exactly what she says, although DH was quick to tell them that while they can call her if they want to, he is not going to harass or make them do so). This week occurred, btw, after she had committed, then reneged, on DH keeping them on her custody days so that we could do day trips. When she reneged he didn't bother asking his boss for more days than yesterday and today off, and then when she had her NPD fit involving telling DH he could have them all week because she didn't want them, of course she had to send horrible emails to him about what a disappointment this week has been for them, etc...just unreal that she desires to wedge herself into the goings-on, real or imagined, of this house. I digress.

Yesterday we took all the kids on a really fun day trip and it was lovely. Spent what I consider to be a good deal of money within our means, had a wonderful time. When we woke up today, SSs immediately had shifted into BM mode..."what are you going to do for me next" mode..."when is mom coming" mode. I hate that it hurts. DH had planned to do something special with them today (he had mentioned the pool, as when we all go he divides his time between kiddie pool and playing with them in big pool) or playing tennis) as they will be leaving on Monday for the rest of July. When it came time for them to go, he said to two tired, sullen, "one-foot-out-the-door" boys, "Would you like to go? We can play tennis or head to the pool." To which SS replied "Can we go to the driving range?". DH, a bit taken aback, said "Um...I guess." I stepped in at this point and mentioned that we spent a lot of money yesterday, this is just them spending special time together, etc...and SS was quite annoyed at this. So they biked to the pool and I'm sure they're having a wonderful time. But this type of thing just needles me. And I'm working so hard to break my habits, recognize my triggers, etc...but there's always that thing in the back of my mind, that BM has turned them into uber-consumers who are just waiting for the next fabulous thing to be done for them. I can't stand my ongoing suspicions about them on these days when they're transitioning back to her. I want to think that they are just being kids and trying to keep themselves happy in a tough between-two-very-different-houses situation. I have yet to find out if DH was annoyed with me that I interjected.

Oh, and the title of my post? They are so affectionate, kind, easy-going when they're here....but the second the transition begins, they seem to change. I'm sure it's perfectly normal but it hurts and makes me feel used. The same boy who couldn't get enough time with me yesterday is the one who was muttering under his breath that I ruined his chance to go to the driving range today. Skids are very huggy and touchy, much more so than DS11 and DD9- and when they throw themselves at me and hug me I don't cold-shoulder them- but I suspect that they would hug anything with a metabolism and yes, it irritates me to feel like they're just using me for warmth or comfort when they can't be around their vile mother.