BM says jump, SO says how high...
Two weeks ago BM decided to text my SO stating "next time it's your weekend I'm keeping the kids because I have a thing" blunt and to the point. Fine BM, do what you've got to do. What do I care? It's another weekend I don't have to see or deal with the brats, woohoo! I might've known it wouldn't be so simple.
A week ago she decides, well you can still come Fri, drive them to their activities, take them to dinner, and then go home. Okayyyyy FINE. I suppose I don't really care because, #1 we didn't have Fri night plans, and #2 he would usually be there this Fri night anyway. Then Sunday he can come back to pick them up and do something with them for the day, and drop them off Sunday night. GRRR I'm starting to get urked. All this extra driving around is costing $$ not to mention he's got to find something to do with them and feed them "out" all weekend because it would be pointless to drive them all the way to our house ... we live over an hour away. But I reluctantly agree, as long as he keeps his spending in check (because I am the one who gets to hear about it later in the week, not to mention we are preparing for the arrival of our daughter in 4 weeks=expensive).
So tonight he calls on his way to get the brats to tell me that BM has just texted him to ask him to bring the brats to our house for the night and drive them back to meet her at noon tomorrow. ARE YOU F#*$ING MENTAL!? My obvious response. But his? Of course he is actually thinking about it! "Well it IS my weekend and if I want to see my kids I'll see my kids, I don't understand what the big deal is!?"
How about you tell her to FUCK OFF because she already informed you earlier in the week she was taking them! Now suddenly her plans change and you're right there waiting on call to fricken jump!? WTH??
I'M of course the bad guy who doesn't want him to ever see his kids right? Right, because I refuse to suck BM's a$$hole like he does! When I stated that btw, he hung up on me... rgh.
I don't care about brats coming here, honestly. What the EFF ever. It's the fact that he can NEVER tell her no. That and he calls to tell me like he wants me to think I have some sort of say in the matter when 10 times out of 10 he's already made up his mind!
**Why can SO be so big and tough and stand up to me but he literally can't ever tell Satan no!?**
P.s. I really DON'T want them here because we had not planned on having them so all of the baby stuff that's not set up is in their room, we took their cable wire after we shifted bedrooms around (so they currently have no tv), and I currently have no door because we have to buy and install one on the room we've just built connecting to the nursery. And these kids don't even know the meaning of the word BOUNDARIES. UGHHHHHHH
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Yeah....no. Been there done
Yeah....no. Been there done that got the t-shirt. No on the fly changes. Then yes you're right DH you won't see your kids this weekend. Everyone will live and things will move forward and there will be the next scheduled weekend.
We do not all revolve around the bowel movement.
No soup for you. Come back 1 year.
This is exactly my philosophy
This is exactly my philosophy on (God forbid) missing a weekend with the skids. Especially since he still sees them throughout the week! No biggie, they aren't going anywhere. They don't even text pr call him all week unless they want something anyway!
If it was our weekend and we needed to change ANYTHING BM would tell us to FUCK off and figure it out for ourselves!
Why can't SO do the same!? :/
Hahahahahahaha. I'm a SM and
Hahahahahahaha.
I'm a SM and a BM.
If I texted my ExH and said "kids have something Saturday, I need them home by 9am" and it was HIS weekend, He would reply:
"Sorry that doesn't work for me"
and that would be the end of it!
His time is his time and I would not be interfering with that! If it was important like DD had dance or DS had tennis, he would take them and manage the event himself.
I am a SM and BM as well and
I am a SM and BM as well and I certainly NEVER act this way with my EXH either! If something doesn't work for either of us, we figure it out ourselves...
The part that bothers me the most, besides him answering to her every beck and call, is that he acts like I get to have an opinion, but really it's 100% between the 2 of them and skids... before he's even informed me of any changes he's already made the decision.
I'm like, I'm not an idiot!? Do you think I can't see what you're up to?
Things like this, to me, are his way of choosing BM over me. It drives me CRAZY
Yeah, that's ridiculous. A
Yeah, that's ridiculous. A change of plans is one thing, to continuously change things at the last minute because it suits her needs better, no. And for your DH to just do the dance? NO! He's not married to her anymore, she's not the boss.
Next time he texts you a
Next time he texts you a stupid change and what it entails him doing just ignore him. Just freaking ignore him. He will want to know why you didn't respond. Just tell him "Oh well they are your kids. If you want to drive all over the planet picking them up and dropping them off at whatever time suits BM, go for it. The ones I feel sorry for are the kids and us left behind. Your kids need consistency and not constant changes to suit adults. And I am tired of waiting for whatever decision you and BM make. So we will carry on doing what we do and see you all when we see you."
Make this about the kids not having consistency. No one is willing to stand up and say "No, the kids do not need to be in a car all weekend. This is stupid. You want them, come and get them."
When my DH and his ex divorced they split the weekends. DH got every Sat mng from 9am till Sunday mng 9am when the kids would go back to their mother for church. And every 2nd week Monday - Wednesday with Dad again. I pointed out to DH this was dreadfully unfair for the boys. They never got a chance to sleep in as they had to be up and out of the house by 8:45 every weekend day. I suggested they swap to EOW. Eventually they did it. Although for a while DH thought I would get up and help him get his kids ready for church every Sunday. Sorry, not my agreement. I stayed in bed drinking coffee and reading.
Make this about how unfair for the kids and he cannot accuse you of hating his kids }:)
It's reasonable to you,
It's reasonable to you, because that's what YOU want... It is not necessarily reasonable to your XH and I can all but guarantee you it's Not reasonable for your Ex's SO. I personally have ZERO patience for the BM making "reasonable" changes such as the one you mention here. I don't think it's reasonable that you change the schedule because you want to go to a carnival... that's just not a fair ask - you should think twice before doing things like this - it's not fair - it's not your weekend and a carnival is not a MAJOR event - I think you're being selfish.
It's not just all about what's convenient for the BM. There is a schedule and changes to that schedule disrupt more lives than just yours, IMHO...
Im glad its not just me. My
Im glad its not just me.
My husband says "yes Mam" to BMS every whim - and if I dont like it then - YUP you guessed it.
I get with the "you dont like my daughter"
So I keep my mouth shut - and then I get " you dont are or want any input into my daughter"
Are Effin for real.
Cant win , drink wine and wait until the weekends over. Download lots of movies to watch in my room!!
(which I am currently doing now!)
Sd walked into our house last night and says
"I've been invited to my friends dogs birthday party, she wants me to brings "our" dog...(MY FURBABY! - she uses OURS for everything"
Me - "Um no- noone take my dog without me being there"
DH says REALLY? like Im the devil saying no.
Is he kidding - she wants to take my dog? get real.
Then SD14 is dropped off to a mall to meet her Boyfriend and hang out with him for the day
I said do you think thats a good idea - shes only 14
DEATH STARE from DH - whats wrong with that.
Seriously if I have to explain your a TWAT.
Whatever - OVER IT.
I've had very real first hand
I've had very real first hand experiences with the BM from hell and the schedules and the rules per their legal agreement - she broke every schedule and every 'rule'. She played havoc with SO's life (and mine by default) and just wanted to exert her control over him and the situation. She constantly threatened with the "you'll lose your kids" type comments. She refused to adhere to the agreement after she moved about 50 miles away wherein she is supposed to drop the skid off at a half way point clearly spelled out in the agreement. SO would drive nearly 200 miles in a weekend to pick up and drop off. She'd change the times, the dates, she'd buy tickets to baseball games on SO's weekend, she constantly sent him nasty, nasty texts and was just in all out war mode - like a woman scorn... and SHE was the one that cheated on SO and ended the marriage. It was a complete disaster. I was ready to leave SO - I couldn't take it.
She was successful in ending SO's relationship with his daughter - they haven't spoken in about a year... Although I'm completely convinced that DD was in the know about Mom's affair and such. DD actually called SOs mother (her GRANDMOTHER) in an attempt to shake down an 83 year old woman for money.. when that didn't work, the Bowel Movement took over and threatened his mother that he'd better give her MO MONEY or she'd take them both to court (due to an inheritance she was convinced was in play)...
So I say to ALL BM's including SassyMama - It is NOT okay to screw around with schedules because you have some whim thing you want to do on your EX's weekend. A carnival or a baseball game or whatever is not reason for additional contact with your EX who you are No Longer Married To to screw up weekends.
Sorry but this topic seriously pisses me off.
Ok - over it - thanks for the ability to rant.