How many of you ended up disengaging from your spouse?
My skids aren't bad kids. For being over-protected and having two parents who seem to still hold a grudge against each other, and for being teens, they really are only at the frustration level you'd feel of any kid their ages. So, while they do drive me nuts sometimes, it's just them being regular kids (like my kid).
Where the frustration for me lies is with DH and BM. Either everything is a disagreement or to "make it work" it has to be air-tight with no wiggle room (mostly for BM).
I'm tired of DH's inconsistent parenting and "spousing", all the things that he and BM just cannot work out like two normal people, the decisions made for the house I live in without me, the competition that seems to be between them, and hearing about all the crap.
I try to just nod and say innocuous things, I end up hiding in my room just so I don't have to watch (or get snipped at for letting DH know about an infraction...like he asked me to do), working late on nights my kid isn't there, doing other stuff.
But this isn't any way to live. This is me supporting people who reside in the same house as me, but I'm just a boarder. I had my own house. I had my own schedule. I could sit in my own damned living room whenever I wanted without having the threat of rule breaking.
If I start to disengage from DH, what is left?
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Maybe you'd be happier in
Maybe you'd be happier in your own house again?
What sucks is I sold my house
What sucks is I sold my house two years ago. I had a great mortgage. Was really smart about the rate and time and my payment was cheaper than any comparable apartment. I could never get that again unless the market here bottoms out.
I suggested it to DH a few months ago and he freaked out. Seriously freaked. Like tearing up and upset. Figured we'd be divorced within a year if that happened. Then he'd have another failed marriage. I commented that maybe we'd be in a better place right now if I had stayed in my house and we had waited to get married until all the kids were gone. Still freaked out.
I'd let him know you aren't
I'd let him know you aren't happier and he has 30 days to change your mind before you call a realtor and a lawyer.
I long for my old
I long for my old apartment...
I hide in my room too. My
I hide in my room too. My pups follow me in here and it's my private area.
I don't know what else to do, either, and unfortunately I don't see this improving. SD13 is going to be a handful.
~ Moon
Couple of roadblocks
Couple of roadblocks though:
DH and BM have 50/50 so both houses are the skids homes.
I moved in to DHs house so he and skids revert to the mess level they had going for two years and they don't see it.
Skids are oblivious to any power play.
I've tried the "let it go" scenario with the house and no one noticed. (I am the only female in the house)
I've already addressed the disrespect. That's not a problem.
It's the inconsistency in the rules and chores and DH is mostly oblivious to rule breaking and lack of chores.
DH says he wants me to parent, too. But then takes back the reins because he doesn't like my methods and I think he's afraid BM will be upset. (He likes to talk about it. I like to call the kid or skid out when something happens and have them make it right.)
If the skids don't do their
If the skids don't do their chores, I would be all UP in my SO's business..."Honey, xyz chore isn't done." And I don't be quiet until chore is done, if SO decides to do it himself, that's his own foolishness to deal with.
Would that work with your DH? Make HIM do the chores that he won't enforce with skids?
Or tell DH that you aren't a maid but obviously he needs one, so have him fork out for a cleaning service?