Dh and I learned a lot about SD this last weekend.
Things we...(mostly he) didn't realize about her personality.
I could be her age (she's 7) or it could be entitled BM shining through her.
But ohhh man if I ever met an asshole child before in my life, it was her this weekend.
She has a neighborhood friend she met recently and has started to hang out with her more when she comes here. The neighbor (T) is 6 years old.
This past weekend T spent the entire weekend with us. She came over saturday, spent the night and left sunday.
I almost wanted to adopt T because I loved her personality. She knew what she wanted when she wanted unlike SD who says "idk" to everything and then acts unsure of her answer.
do you want icecream?
T: Yes.
SD: IDK.
How do you not know?
SD: yes.
Ok. Are you sure?
SD: mmmmmmmm, idk.
Yes or no?
SD: No.
Are you sure?
SD: yes
ok. *Buys T icecream. while waiting in line I ask 1 more time to make sure. SD still says she doesn't want any.*
T gets her icecream and we move on. I look back at them and SD is trying to take bites of T's ice cream! like wtf?
T ate anything I cooked.
SD didn't pulling the "my tummy hurts" and then asking for snacks.
But the thing that made me fall in love with T was this.....
SD NEVERRRRRR CARRIES ANY OF HER SHIT!!!!!!!! It is the most annoying thing ever. She complains about holding HER things when we are out that SHE WANTED TO BRING.
Or anything she wants us to buy for her and we get it, we end up carrying it. I don't let her take bags (purses) anymore because she always gives them to me. She wants to wear sunglasses? Nope. Because I end up getting carrying them two seconds into our trip because she doesn't want them anymore.
Anyway, we are at the fair and the girls played games and won prizes. Somehow I ended up holding both of their prizes and stuffed animals.
as we are walking around the fair, T looks up at me and says "I can hold my stuff. That way you don't have to carry it all"
"aw, that is very helpful of you T, thank you so much!" (SD sees this and ignores).
T continues on to tell me that some people have two arms and some have one. lol Im just thinking, omg...NEVER has SD offered to carry her OWN shit.
Can I just have T as my step daughter?
Anyway, enough about T...
SD is pretty advanced for her age. She recently turned 7 and can read fluently almost ANY word no matter the length. She loves to learn and remembers facts.
She's even been asked to attend the local magnet school.
But she was such an asshole to T acting as if she was better. She made fun of T when she learned T couldn't read (as well as she can). Anything T did, SD tried to do it better. T was unphased by her or kept reminding her to play fair when SD would hog the tablet or lock T out of her room as a "joke".
Anything T did, SD would call her out. We were in the car and SD out loud goes "ew. T keeps picking her nose!!!"
I reminded SD that there have been many times where she would sit on the couch and pick her nose watching TV. Then I told T that everyone does it and handed her a tissue.
T would make herself burp and SD turned it into a competition of who can burp the loudest. SD couldn't and got bratty about it because T was better at burping.
(seriously.) and all the competition petty ness were started by SD. Otherwise, T was just a normal kid wanting to play. Or SD would pick on T, something she said or would make it out like T was stupid or "sooo young". Like SD acted like she was so much older than T. Puhhleaseeee.
And then I was getting upset with her ungrateful little ass because we are at the fair and SD was upset they were too short for rides and the rides they could get on were too slow.
She wanted to go in this haunted house one but T was too afraid. And we only had so many tickets split evenly between the two so the rule was they had to ride the same rides. That way no one rode more rides than the other.
Well SD gets on this one ride and pouted the whole time with her head rested in her hands like she was bored and every time she passed DH and I, she rolled her eyes!! (Meanwhile T was screaming with excitement)
Dh thought it was funny what SD was doing but agreed she was being a brat.
But another thing that pissed me off was (T wasn't around)...when we were driving to drop off SD and LO needed to eat. So we pulled over and I hopped in the back seat to take LO and feed him. I guess his feet were a little too close to SD because she very snooty like said "ugh. His feet are in my personal bubble!!!" and I'm like..."okay, well take your personal bubble outside and out of the car."
BTW I didn't show favoritism towards anyone. I even talked to DH about it and he noticed the same things about SD. WE didn't know she was so....mean and stuck up. (obvious BM traits. lol)
I always complimented both girls and did for both girls and made sure everything was even when we went places. They got the same stuff, played the same games rode the same rides. No one had anything extra or different.
Another thing that I noticed was every few minutes SD would suck up to me and tell me she loved me or how pretty I was and then asking if she was really pretty.
I know its weird but it seemed very kiss-assy sometimes.
anyway. That's my rant. sorry it's long!
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Comments
Keep an eye on this... my SD
Keep an eye on this... my SD was this way at that age. Now she goes through friends all the time and boy friends... as soon as they get tired of her crap, they move on....
T was raised well. This is
T was raised well. This is what good parenting will get you. A great kid.
Hopefully it opened DH to better parenting.
What would have done is taken
What would have done is taken SD to one side and told her that either she starts being nice to her friend of the friend will go home and she will be banned form TV for the rest of the weekend. I have put visiting kids in my car and driven them home if my kids were acting nasty but it only happened once or twice and the younger ones got the message loud and clear. Why inflict that kind of behaviour upon a visitor? It is like a hostage situation. The visiting child cannot go anywhere despite their charming behaviour.
I agree Dh did talk to Sd
I agree
Dh did talk to Sd but idk what was said. And I admit even after they spoke sd was still am asshole.
I monitored them well and would handle it when she was being rude, mean, stuck up, bratty.
I think it didn't resort to that becahse T was just so unaffected by SD. T wanted to stay and sleep over and said she was having so much fun with SD despite SD being a brat sometimes.
T is new to our neighborhood so she doesn't have friends yet and I didn't really want to punish her fun (we went to the fair and festivals) because SD had an attitude.
I just realize how much of a baby SD is. And she's manipulative and mean. Dh says its just them learning eachother' personalities. I wouldn't make T stay if she didn't want to or wasn't comfortable.
I heard T yelling for SD to open the door because SD locked her out. Dh yelled out SD's name and SD opened it and then hid in another room crying because DH "yelled" at her (he didn't even yell. He just shouted her name sternly.)
After that they had a talk. But again, idk what was said. He agrees her behavior was gross. And DH is such a softy when it comes to her. I'm more of the tell it like it is. And there were times where he would hold me back from telling SD to stop in a not so nice way.
I babysit T and have to babysit her this Saturday. We also have SD then. So I'm going to try your approach. But since I can't just get rid of T since I'm technically watching her, I'll put SD in time out or no tv or something.
Perhaps both you and DH might
Perhaps both you and DH might het alot of this book. How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk.
Its a great parenting book.
Well firstly, SD needs to
Well firstly, SD needs to start carrying her own shit.
My SD is 4, if we go out and she wants to take her coat or jumper off, thats fine but she carries it. If she wants to leave the house with one of her little girl handbags, toy mobile phone or whatever and gets bored of it 5 minutes after leaving the house. Fine but she carries it.
We went to a big toy shop yesterday for her to choose a new doll, she carried it (was a pretty big box, one doll plus 9 dress outfits and accessories.) She had it in the shop, to the car and from the car back home.
If SD starts having a temper tantrum about holding her stuff then make her put it in the bin. Coats and jumpers there is no choice over, she either wears it or carries it. Any toys etc its either she carries it or bin it, dont replace it later. Let her learn the hard way, because at her age, she will start to cause a public scene knowing that shes likely to get her own way for you and her dad to save on embarrassment.
Start having SD do things around the house, not saying slave chores whilst you are sat watching tv. But when you are doing chores, have her help you, or do something else. Half the time now if I start doing the dishes SD will go grab the brush and start brushing, or shes got a princess duster that she likes using on everything. If SD doesnt do anything for herself at home then its no surprise she doesnt do anything in public.
Great that your husband was able to see the behaviour difference, now its time for him to decide how much he is going to take. Sure he finds it funny but admits its bratty now but in another 3 years she will be 10, it wont be funny then.
When I met SO I instituted
When I met SO I instituted the law, If you bring it/want it you carry it. I refuse to carry anything for them. They learned early on they didn't need half the stuff they wanted ME or SO to lug around.
As for the bratty kid thing, I have zero advise. My SS9 is the same way with other kids. Just mean mean mean. That's why he doesn't have any friends and even his siblings don't enjoy being around him.
SD is the little girl version
SD is the little girl version of my SS. Who now at age 12 has ZERO friends because he treats people like shit and boasts about how superior he is all of the time.
My SS made one friend this year ...a fucking SEVEN year old. And you know what? The seven year old dumped him after a few weeks too.
You mentioned this child is
You mentioned this child is very intelligent. No excuse here but you do know highly intellectual children have social problems. And these are exacerbated by parents who tell their children. They develop a superiority complex/ issue. They can be taught that being a tard means you won't have friends. If you tease a friend they cannot read as well as you they will not want to be your friend.
As for the carrying things just say no. The child has 2 legs and 2 arms. She can manage.
We've just moved to a new
We've just moved to a new area and I'm thinking about going over how to be a good friend and host with SD before she has any friends over to the house, perhaps even making some rules for her. SD tends to dominate when she plays with others and often refuses to compromise or do something that the friend suggests. She has gotten better, the first time she had a friend to play she cried when her friend had to leave and didn't say by or thanks for playing. I think that to some extent interacting with others is a learned skill and it takes time to learn how to do it in a considerate way and we also need to be told that certain of our behaviors are annoying/obnoxious/rude whatever and shown how to go about things in a nicer way.
I agree. But Dh is way too
I agree. But Dh is way too sheltering of SD.
SD is book smart. But she has a lot of blonde moments that make me want to slam my head in a wall.
Dh usually gives me shit if I start to get annoyed with SD and say something.
But I'm going to fix that. We have as this weekend too. And T will be here Saturday so I'm definitely going to let SD know and tell her how to act instead of ignoring some of it and letting them "learn their personalities" as Dh put it.
Dh upset me too because he acts like SD is a freaken angel and God forbid I point out a flaw.
I got on his ass about it last weekend because we have a 5 month old who is difficult sometimes. He's stubborn and gets angry easily and his toys and wants to be held or fights his sleep. He's a typical BABY and I EBF and attachment parent so it's not like DH deals with him half as much as I do.
Anyway, he calls OUR son an asshole all the time. If LO is fussy he's always calling him an asshole or saying he's acting like an asshole.
Yea I can get frustrated too and yes my LO can be a pain in the ass but I don't SAY those things.
Well this weekend when SD was on the ride being bratty I looked at DH and was like "your child is an asshole". Lol. No one heard me. Just DH and I. sD was on the ride with T.
And DH like flipped out "if you call her an asshole again..." And that's when I spoke up about how he talks about OUR son. So he can't talk about HIS daughter like that? He treats her like she's some fragile thing. I don't know why. I don't know if it's because she's a girl and we have a son. Idk. But it pisses me off and I'm putting an end to it.
My daughter had a friend like
My daughter had a friend like this. The behaviors are all identical, except forcing others to carry stuff. It's bad, but not horrible over the top where you have no friends. But......now the kids are 11". The brat girl has no friends. Her mother does things to buy her daughter friends. Such as always be the one giving rides, giving rides back.paying for things. Kids tend to use her cause her mother does that. Now lately within the past year, her house is an unsupervised hang out. They finished the basement and it's gorgeous. Now a lot of the "fast" kids hang out in her unsupervised basement. They are 11 and 12. Boys, girls, some of the kids are couples. Girls whose own parents won't them have alone unsupervised time with their "boyfriend". I gently pointed out to the mother that maybe 11 and 12 year olds of the opposite sex shouldn't have lengthy alone unsupervised times. She just laughed and said oh I don't think they're doing that. I was thinking no they aren't, but give them a couple years in your unsupervised basement and they will be. Well the point is, she has no friends. Kids use her.
NEVERRRRRR CARRIES ANY OF HER
NEVERRRRRR CARRIES ANY OF HER SHIT!!!!!!!!
Made me giggle, my SD does this, for a VERY GOOD REASON...
She get daddy to carry her stuff with his left hand and hold her hand with the right and BOOM, no where for SM!
BM's plan to off the SM is well under way.
lol