BM is an Awful Human Being
Just venting.
So, SS14 told me(39) he showed BM(38) a pic of his half brother, my 6-month-old, and she goes, "Yikes!" And he's like, "What?" And she says, "You know how they say all babies are cute? He is not cute."
Who says that to a kid about their sibling, especially when the kid you are talking to is you own child? She is such an awful, nasty person. She is single and rotates through men like they are carnival rides. SS is her youngest. She also has a 17-year-old boy from another man. I know that she hates SS because she hates his father (my DH) so much. She wants to hurt SS with every word she speaks because hurting him is hurting his father. SS doesn't realize it because he is still young and naive enough to believe everyone has good intentions. He doesn't think she means to be cruel, but kind of accidentally does it because she's not thinking through what she says. One day he is going to realize what she is and it is going to be so painful for him.
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At 14 you could ask him why
At 14 you could ask him why she would say that and let it hang in the air. He needs to start thinking in critical way. He doesn't need to answer, just start thinking about things.
Thank You
Great advice. Thank you. That may help ease him into the realization. It will break his heart when he fully understands what kind of person she is. I'm grateful that we'll be there for him, but he'll always have in his heart the hurt she has caused him.
Hey, Carrie,
Hey, Carrie,
The fact that your SS advised you of his mother's remark would indicate that the insult was on his mind and that it troubled him. After all, the infant is his brother and SS was proud enough of him to show a photo to BM.
Who says that sort of thing about one’s sibling? I suggest that it would be a spiteful, jealous and neurotic woman who enjoys causing distress. Even though slights against our children are the most difficult to endure, best to ‘ignore the whore.’ From the sounds of her personal life, she’s an unhappy, unstable person who should be more pitied than despised.
Your first paragraph is spot
Your first paragraph is spot on.
OP - I have a teen SK and a young adult SK. Around age 14 is when it started really clicking what kind of person their BM was/is. They tried for a bit to rationalize her behavior because they love her. Now that they're a few years older, though, they've just accepted who she is.
It has had its painful moments, particularly for my YSK. They have a lot of guilt for behaving in a manner in the past that was praised by BM but they are repulsed by for themselves now. They're angry that BM hasn't been able to get her own life together although she's happy to judge nearly every person around her.
As others have mentioned, getting your SS to think critically about what his BM said is key. Ask him the same question you rhetorically posed here: why would BM say that about another child? Sure, your SS will make excuses the first few times, but if you hit him with these kinds of questions every time she says something dumb, he won't be able to keep making excuses (or at least he shouldn't be able to). This would also be a good time for his dad to sit down with him and ask how his mother's comments make him feel and teach him ways to avoid future conflict with her (like not sharing pictures of his brother with her). SS will have to, unfortunately, face the reality that he can't be open with BM while also not getting in the crossfire of her putrid opinions.
I can't even imagine what it
I can't even imagine what it's like when your mom insults a sibling like that.
I guess that is the essence of stepfamily weirdness. Two people can both be your closest family members and strangers to each other or sworn enemies.
I would just be open to your SS if he wants to talk.
Was SS upset or amused?
Was SS upset or amused? Maybe ask him how he feels.