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Question about disengaging and birthday

justthegirlfriend13's picture

Submitted by justthegirlfriend13 on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 1:04pm

I have been disengaged from SD12 and SSstb11 for a while now and my disengagement has just gotten more and more so where now the kids and I don't even really acknowledge each other and I don't say anything about them to their father. Luckily we don't live together, so I only really see them in my sight for a few hours eowe.

SS' birthday is this weekend. He will be 11. Previous years I would always get them a little something (less than $20) just as a little gift and with SD last year, I didn't even really give it to her, just gave her dad about $10 towards the stuff he was buying her while he was doing her birthday shopping with the note that he could tell her that I bought part of it.

So for those that are disengaged, do you still buy the skids birthday gifts or do you just completely ignore it as well and act like the birthday doesn't exist? I wish I could act like I didnt even know it was his birthday, but I know BF will say something about this being his birthday weekend. They won't be having a party or anything of the like. BF will probably get the kid a cake and give him his gift in the morning and likely have his friends over, probably for a sleepover just like normal.

If you do still buy something for kids that you are disengaged from, any ideas what to get a spoiled 11 year old that is only into video games, but still acts like he's 5? He has about 20 video games now, so no more of them are needed and I really wouldn't want to spend anymore than about $20.

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 1:08pm

I've been disengaged for a few years and no I never buy them anything. I do choke out a "Happy Birthday" to at least acknowledge them on their birthday if I see them, but no special text message or nonsense. I figure it's assumed that any gift from DH is also from me, if they don't think that way then I really don't care either. That's the glory of being truly disengaged.. I don't give AF what skids or BMs think about me.

Stepped in what momma's picture

Submitted by Stepped in what... on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 1:09pm

I no longer go out of my way to buy them a gift but I still do get them a little something. I buy them easy stuff I can order on line or I pick up a gift card (google play/iTunes) while at the grocery store.

EvilAngel's picture

Submitted by EvilAngel on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 1:13pm

I made Thunderfoot a cake this year. DH and I presented her with a bday card that DH had put HIS money in, I certainly did not contribute any of mine. The card was ripped open, never read and left downstairs in the kitchen for weeks before I finally just threw it away. She got to take her money and go shopping but I didn't get her anything.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 1:19pm

If you are that disengaged, I wouldn't get him anything.

My SD is 23 and my DH usually doesn't buy her birthday gifts anymore but if he does or sends a card and asks me to sign it, I will sign the card but that's it. I don't give him money towards gifts for her and I don't buy her additional gifts.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 1:21pm

I stopped buying gifts for SD (she was about 14 at the time) when she told me she hated me and that I wasn't motherly at all.

H always put both of our names on cards and gifts, but I never contributed any money or opinions about what he bought for her. I never personally signed cards.

However, last year, I did give her a gift of a book my mother gave to me when I was about 28 and I wish I had it when I was 18. Sex and the Single Girl by Helen Gurley Brown. It contained a shit ton of advice for a woman out on her own ranging from food and exercise to career advice and men.

justthegirlfriend13's picture

Submitted by justthegirlfriend13 on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 1:29pm

Thanks all. Just to clarify, the kids are not bad kids in general and have not done anything bad to me. I disengaged because of BF's disney parenting style and refusing to ever take any of my advice into account and instead get defensive whenever I would utter a word about his little shhhnnnookkummss. So thats why I didnt know if I should still get the kid something just because he hasn't done anything bad, is just an annoying and completely incapable of doing anything for himself brat and BF did get my DD a small gift for her 21st birthday last year.
I don't think I am going to plan on getting anything, but will see how the day plans out. Luckily I don't have to be around until about 8pm at night, so by that time the birthday will essentially be mostly over anyways.

PokaDotty's picture

Submitted by PokaDotty on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 1:55pm

In your situation as not to make waves, I'd probably just do a gift card then for $20 to like iTunes or Amazon or something.