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Slowly walks out from hiding head hanging in shame....

Needalifeboat's picture

Submitted by Needalifeboat on Sun, 04/12/2015 - 9:29am

...tail between my legs. I went back. I was out for a month, staying with my parents. A combination of missing SO, my exH being a tool, having a scary medical situation with my BD (she's ok thank goodness) and my mom and I being ready to strangle each other led me right back home.

Things are partially better, partially the same. Finally had the balls to stand up for everything I want and need, regardless of whether or not SO likes it. Is it all going smoothly? No. Of course not. But I'm learning to protect my kids and myself. SD15 is at the house now being her charming self. That was sarcasm btw. Where am I you ask?? Home making breakfast for SD so she can eat her entire plate and say it was terrible? Home trying to play perfect stepmom and ask her all about her life? Helping SO deal with unhappy SD12 and her school report? NOPE NOPE NOPE!! I'm out by myself having an expensive coffee and headed to the bookstore. And it feels damn good.

Comments

ChokinOnLemonz's picture

Submitted by ChokinOnLemonz on Sun, 04/12/2015 - 10:49am

You are learning the artform of disengagement, good for you! Enjoy your coffee, enjoy your books. They aren't your offspring and aren't your obligation. If they are not going to treat you kindly then just avoid them and give them none of your time or thoughts.

Sootica's picture

Submitted by Sootica on Sun, 04/12/2015 - 11:04am

Good for you for choosing to spend your day in a way that suits you,enjoy your coffee.I don't see why you should feel ashamed,you have decided what you will and will not tolerate and that takes a strong person.Think of this as the start of a new you,one that puts herself first and in a step situation there is nothing shameful in that.

Needalifeboat's picture

Submitted by Needalifeboat on Sun, 04/12/2015 - 12:16pm

Yup, you're right on pretty much with both things. I wasn't financially prepared to be on my own. I'm self employed and while my business is doing really well, it's not where I need it to be quite yet. Instead, I would be relying on my parents which feels like shit. But I do have my own job and bank account. We have a joint account to share the household expenses. His name will never be attached to the business.

I am embarrassed...and feel like I was thisclose to being on my own and then jumped back into the frying pan because of love. I'm working on the "fuck you" attitude but haven't totally found it yet. He did give me a little attitude when I grabbed my coat today but I didn't let it upset me. I smiled and said "Bye! Check in with me later!" And I truly didn't feel guilty so that's a step forward.

Needalifeboat's picture

Submitted by Needalifeboat on Sun, 04/12/2015 - 12:15pm

I went in to my attorney and signed all the papers. A month later the office calls and says they are so sorry but they forgot to have me sign one more. *facepalm* I just sent the last signature back and they are telling me about 3 more months for it to be finalized with the court.

So still my husband... :O

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Sun, 04/12/2015 - 2:39pm

Always remember, you teach people how to treat you. Teach them to treat you well.