I found it on Facebook with some ugly comments, of course.

I honestly couldn't agree with her more. Hubby's kids are horrible, and while I know it all stems from their awful mother, I just can't stand them! They think their POS mother walks on water. There's constant comparisons between her house and ours. They adore their stepdad (because their mother makes that OK) and treat me like I'm less than nothing. It's truly awful, and in spite of all my self-work, I suck at not letting it hurt me.

My husband understands how I feel. God knows I won't shut up about it. I know it hurts him that I can't stand his kids, and I hate hurting him, but I hate the feeling I have when they're in the house, too.

this was posted and discussed a couple years back...maybe some of the comments will be helpful?

http://www.steptalk.org/node/171947

I don't think step parenting is ever black and white... it's a whole lot of gray depending on a whole lot of outside factors. Is BM controlling and high conflict, is BM even in the picture, age of skids, in-law influence/drama, personalities of all involved. My DH has always been ok with the fact that skids and I will not "love" each other, however I know he wishes that we would. I can honestly say that BMs played a big role in how I feel about skids and I'm sure in how skids feel about me. I think if it wouldn't have been for their PAS of skids and aggression towards me, skids and I might have been able to develop a bond.

My experience was like getting burned on the stove. The first time, you are like "Ouch, that hurt!" after that you are a bit more cautious around the stove, but then a bit of time goes by and you let your guard down and bam, you get burned again, only this time much worse. So now you really don't like the stove at all, and try to avoid cooking. Yet, even while trying to avoid cooking, you walk by one day and get burned AGAIN and this one is a 3rd degree burn. By this point, you avoid the kitchen at all costs and don't even want to here the word "stove" ever again.

I mean how many times is one expected to take the high road, to turn the other cheek, to forgive and forget??

Looks like there was some discussion on the article here http://www.steptalk.org/node/171947

But that link doesn't work anymore.

My experience has been awful when BM was involved in the raising of my SS. Once she had custody taken away and initiated by SS, he is thriving. No more PAS for him. For my SD18 BM has her and we don't have contact. That has been great as well. When their is a BM that doesn't want to play fair and still is angry over everything that passes on to the kid. Same thing for DH, I think he wanted the best for the kids, but wasn't going to let BM win at time and at other times, just wanted to quit fighting and uphill battle.

Now with BM not a part of our lives, things are great! Sad that we couldn't co-parent, but it is a reality.

Daizy, I love the analogy of the stove. I'm right there with you, and I, too, am wondering how many times I have to take the high road. They're not my kids. I don't care that they are kids. That doesn't excuse the fact that they're jerks!

I enjoyed that article and the discussion on her hubpage in the comment section. Sad that it was removed.

I hate the skid's BM. Since we put up strong boundaries and she moved away, my hatred has been sliding more towards apathy lately, so that's good. I still vividly remember the irritation when the skids talked about their mom who had stalked me and done horrid things to my man...however, I could have put up with that all day if the skids were well-behaved (which they weren't).

These three things worked for me:

***) Tell your man to handle it. HE should have a talk with his kid about how no one in your home cares about their mother. They don't have to stop talking about her completely, but they should know that it's rude to dominate a conversation by talking about someone that your audience doesn't like. Surely, my man didn't say it that way, but he did get the point across to them to zip it about their trashy mom because HE didn't want to hear about her.

***) When they started talking about their mom to me, I would act completely disinterested and say, "that's nice" or "hmm". Then I'd be more excited when they switched the conversation to something else. Or when they would tell me about her opinions, I would ask, "Well, what do YOU think?" ...because mothers like that enmesh with their kids until the child loses all opinions and autonomy.

***) Let them know that talking about others when they are not around is called "gossiping" and that you don't like to hear gossip, and you're sure that most adults, including their mother doesn't want to be gossiped about. Ask them how they would feel if someone told secrets about them behind their back.

And of course, my SO holds this fantasy that I'm going to one day like his ill-mannered children because "they like you!" and "they always ask about you!" and whatever he uses to try to get me to see them in a better light...but he knows that I can't stand them, and that it's HIS fault for
1) choosing a nasty whore for their mother,
2) allowing that skank to interfere in MY life,
3) refusing to pick up a damn parenting book and/or take parenting seriously before I came along and
4) tolerating disrespect and excusing his children's poor behavior because he feels guilt about #1.

I don't like his kids, but I LOVE so many other kids that it's obvious that the problem is the bioparents in our situation. And until they change, he'll have to accept my polite disinterest...which probably kills him because he knows how I treat people that I love. Oh well.