Sorry, but it often gets worse. Because a two year old is still a beautiful, cuddly, inarticulate, little love sponge who is way, way tinier than anyone else in the house.

But inside him will hatch a willful, manipulating, resentful boy who is soon bigger than you and who can read his mother's marching orders and act on them and can spit out hateful words.

So if the BM is a reasonable person who wants limited contact with your dh and truly wants the best for her son and has good parenting skills, things can get better if the only problem is your disappointment in not having the pristine family environment you were expecting with your sweetie pie.

But if your problems include a hostile BM, a distrust for your man, and a kid who is being taught wretched behavior or is riddled with anxieties then nothing but worse worse worse is on the horizon for you. Sorry.

I think Notasm hit the nail on the head. Steplife is challenging, and with a child that young you've got years of shit headed down the pike at you. Things that you can't even imagine at this point. But if you love your fiance and trust him, then you can be strong for each other and make it work through the challenges even when it's really hard and you want to quit. That's why ST exists, because steplife can be a nightmare and we all need a place to vent!

BUT...

Your fiance has lied to you. He has lied you more than once and he has lied to you about something that has had and will always have a huge impact on your life. This was not a white lie. It wasn't even to protect you. It was to protect him so that he could lock you into an engagement and a marriage before the truth got out. If a man can lie to you about something as enormous as HAVING A CHILD, then he is going to lie to you about any goddamn thing that he wants to.

Move on from this guy, and fast. The juice ain't worth the squeeze.

I don't think I would be able to continue on with him. How do you forgive him for hiding everything? If he's this sneaky with something that was perfectly within his rights to do, what happens when temptation is put in his way? How could you possibly believe him? Case in point, you haven't forgiven or forgotten. Here you are at least 18 months later talking about it. Best of Luck to you.

Don't let the child being so young give you hope that it will be easier or not as difficult as these other stories on here. As many here know my SS is three, I've been with him since he was 8 months old as one of the main parenting fixtures in his life. He's growing up beautifully. When he is with me and DH in public or otherwise, he is well mannered and a respectful little being. BUT there are no rose tinted googles here, I've seen and heard about this same little boy turning into a demon spawn towards his mother; hitting her, yelling at her, throwing her phone across drs office. That same little kid can turn on me just as quickly as he does his own mother and from all the experience wrapped up on this site, it's not if--it's when.

Many Smoms say that we have it easier because we get the kids at an early age and can be impressionable on them, yeah that's a crock of shit. The kid will go through the same hormonal teenage angst all Skids go through, we will hear the same "you aren't my mother" BS except in these early years, we can blame their hellion behavior on "terrible twos" or being a "threenager". Well excuse their behavior to make ourselves hopeful that we won't turn out like the rest of the Smoms that came into their own skids life and that we have hope that our family has that missing ingredient to make it work this time, but it's not true. I know this makes me sounds like a HUGE Debbie Downer, but I don't want you to be delusioned that itll get easier. It won't ESPECIALLY if and your DH don't come to parenting terms right now at the very beginning. And you aren't, he should have told you the first date after your reintroduction to one another he might be a father soon. And he should have been proactive and honest about getting the DNA test done. He's not approaching it in a team like manner which means he doesn't consider you his equal or important enough to consult. That's a problem, and it'll come up now, in five years, in ten years, in 15 years and maybe even after the child is 18. The stepparent has a right to know what is going on in his or her own home as it effects them, any exclusions to that rule is disrespectful.

I'm in this for the long haul, obviously or I wouldn't be here proactively preparing myself for the future of my StepLife to come. I don't think I'll avoid any major sterotypical conflicts that comes with StepLife but I'll know how others have dealt with it. At this moment, your skid probably isn't so bad even on his worse days but what he lacks in age, his mother will make up for in problems. She'll be more threatened as all his "firsts" start happening and if you happen to be there for it and schooling hasn't even started yet--that's a whole other battlefield. My point is YOU need to really want this, no fairytale love is going to make it through this life. You need to accept this life for what it is (a whole bunch of sharing and drama) and decide if your SO is worth it. Mine is. He's a great dad for the most part, our parenting theology is the same, again for the most part, and there are NO secrets. At all. Everything is on the table, I suggest you and your SO do the same so you can decide if you should walk away now before you waste the next 10 years of your life or stay and fight the good fight praying BM and/or Skid go on their merry way in 18 years.

I would have a bigger problem over the fact he hid this from you.

Lies of omission are still lies.

Don't be fooled by the "tears in his eyes". You were totally played so he'd gain your sympathy rather than your scorn for having unprotected sex.

Get yourself tested ASAP.

Your fiance is a little careless with his sperm isn't he? So condoms aren't available in your part of the planet?

I am not coming down hard on you but just stating the obvious. He was careless with using protection and as a result he has had a child he was rather cavalier about admitting that he parented.

I am sure he is wonderful .. apart from this child. I am sure you have a wonderful life planned ... except for this child. I am sure he is your soulmate .. except for this child. And when you think about it, the child did not choose his parents. His parents chose with their rather lazy behaviour to create him.

So don't look to a child as the reason your relationship is unlikely to survive this exposure. Look to your lying lazy fiance. And whether you can set this aside and get on with your life or is this constant reminder an albatross around your future relationship.

If you can put this 'oops' aside and never speak of it again, stay. But if this eats away at you, make anew start. Sometimes we slide into our old relationships again because they are familiar and feel like an old sweater. They grow softer and mold to your better. But eventually it will come unravelled and already your 'life sweater' has got some rather obvious moth-holes.

The sweater analogy is great! PLease let us know how things are going for you!

Welcome to the site. You will get honest advice here so be prepared for it. Some people are taken aback and they let their feelings get hurt.