I dont know how I should feel or what I should feel. I just know I need to vent for the heck of it.
Ok so, when my fiance and I first dated, he told me he had a 6 yrs old daughter. So I knew about her from the beginning.
But here's the confusing part. He hadn't seen her for 5 years because her mom told her lies about him. Because of all the lies she told the daughter, he stopped going around them.
Their relationship was complicated from the start. He dated her and didn't know she was already dating someone else at the same time. Then 4 months after the baby was born, her friend comes up to him and says, "OH you have a baby." He was not there for the birth because they broke up soon after he found out abut her other bf. But I guess after finding out about the child, he accepted her as his own.
Anyhow, we've been together for 3 years now, but I've never once met the child because he never had a relationship with her. He wasn't sure that she was his because of the mom being involved with another man. I told him, he should take a DNA test to be sure then.
Well 3 years goes by and all of a sudden, the ex and child is his friend on Facebook. Next thing you know, he told me his "daughter" called him up on a sudden morning asking to see him.
When I heard this, I was honestly not happy, because I thought she wasn't his. I've had 1 bad relationship in the past with the baby momma drama and did not want to be with anyone who had kids because I know how the exes can be.
I was upset with him because he was so accepting of the child being his given the circumstances of their breakup.
3 years and it was just me and him. We are actually planning our marriage next year and he will be moving to the USA from Canada. I think because his ex saw him post his status about us doing an engagement party later on this year, she some how some way wanted to be back in the picture.
When we first started dating and she saw ur photos together online, she wrote a comment saying he owes his daughter a lot of money now.
I said to him, "why all of a sudden now, she lets her daughter call you up and wants her to spend time with you? Before she didn't want you coming around.?" Now that she knows you're going to get married, she all of a sudden is back in the picture?
He says to me. "Chill, his daughter called and wanted to see him." I was kind of upset he was so fast at accepting she is his daughter, when he was unsure back then.
I want him to take full responsibility if she is his. But a part of me wishes it wasn't. I know its a selfish thing to say. But it was only me and him for 3 years and we talked about having our own family.
I cried and cried to myself w/o telling him because I'm sure he would not understand. To feel like you will never be the first to have his child hurts. Especially when you both were starting to plan a new life together. I feel like this is a big obstacle to deal with.
If the daughter was in the picture since the beginning of the relationship, it would be so much easier for me, but she just one day came back in. How can I accept it right away? I honestly cant. I've been dealing with it day by day, its hard, but I still feel jealousy issues. I wanted to be his first and now I will never be.
I told him, how can he move to the USA knowing he has to have a relationship with his daughter? he said she can visit. He makes it sound so easy, but it's not. I love him and that's is why I chose to stay.
I don't want to share him with another family, but in today's society, its very common.
I just need advise ask to how I should feel and deal with a new step daughter out of the blue. I am still hurting to this day because the life I thought I was going to have, just got thrown with a big obstacle.
He said the mother was crazy back then, and she has changed now. It took her 7 yrs to change? and to see that he was starting a new life with someone else to have him have a relationship with his daughter? Why now?
If only he did a DNA so I know that she is his blood, I would be more accepting of it.
I told him I would love his daughter as my own. I guess that's what you do when you love someone. You need to love everything and everyone who comes along with them. I just don't know why I am still feeling sad. Maybe I feel sorry for myself and being selfish.