Update to "Chocolategate"

I let things settle a bit after last night. I spoke with dh this morning and he said that he told sd8 to apologize to me for breaking the rules and lying. She hasn't yet. I would think it would be intimidating for an 8 year old to do that. I told him I want to approach her together with him,so that she sees us as a united front. Also,so that she can't manipulate dh by playing victim or twisting my words.
I also told dh that I want an apology from him for how he treated me last night. He did apologize and said that he was angry and over the top. I told him that I need to know that he will never approach me like that again in the future. He agreed.
I don't know what the future holds. I am looking forward to counseling because I guarantee the therapist will not condone dh undermining me and will set him straight about sd8. I will give it my best with an open mind. I know I am not perfect either. We shall see what the counselor says.....

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I can relate. Your husband

I can relate. Your husband sounds a lot like mine. He does something wrong and then later acknowledges that he was wrong. But to me, it's too late to admit it after the fact. The damage is done. He undermined you in front of his daughter. Mine does this all the time. He agrees to never do it again but then does it again the next day and makes excuses as to why it's different.

I hope your counselling goes well.

I feel your pain. Dh covers

I feel your pain. Dh covers for sd8 and defends her crap constantly. He also gets mad that I don't dote and pamper her. I told him, you can't have it both ways. I love bs10 and put him in his place without being interrogated or undermined. He is really turning out to be a good tween. Bm and dh both let sd8 act feral and ill mannered. I can't feel much love for a skid like that. I care about her,but I keep a distance because I believe if you want the "love her as my own", then I should be able to "parent her as my own "
as well. I told dh how I felt about everything. I hope our counselor can help us get on solid ground.I really hope so!

Annith,thank you. I hope dh

Annith,thank you. I hope dh was sincere to the point of not repeating this crap. Last night he said "sd8 is the most loving child,if you would just give her a chance ". I saw this as blatant manipulation on his part and told him just that. I am not a jerk and I have put myself in sd8 shoes. I make sure to give them space while she is here,because she is possessive and sees me as competition. Dh denies it,but the miniwife behavior speaks for itself. Draping herself and hanging on dh,trying to walk between us,interrupting when he is helping me with something,trying to call the shots around here...God help me....