I am so upset with dh undermining me
We had a birthday party at our house for my Aunt today and I caught sd8 trying to sneak chocolates upstairs. I reminded her that the rule is we eat in the kitchen. A little while later I watched her sneak chocolate out of the pantry again and quickly dash upstairs. I followed her and went to her room. She had her hand up her sleeve, so I asked her why.She lied and said "my hand is cold". I replied "please open your hand. She did and a bunch of chocolate,some melted were revealed. I told her to throw them away and wash her hands. I went downstairs and showed dh the chocolate.
A short while later he pulled me aside and proceeded to rip me a new one. He was so harsh and nasty. He said "sd8 is upstairs sobbing because she thinks you are mad at her." I tried to defend myself but to no avail. Dh said "you better go upstairs and fix this" I wanted to cry
I took a few minutes because I had 20 people at the house to entertain and then I went upstairs to talk to sd8. She gave me the silent treatment and dh was right there allowing it
I am so far beyond disgusted. I feel I did the right thing,enforcing the house rules. I didn't dole out any punishments.
I feel that dh was so out of line with me and I am demanding an apology with a promise to never ever do that to me again. He makes every excuse in the world for sd8 bad behavior. He wants me to love sd8 as my own and dote on her ,but with absolutely no real authority in my own damn house
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Why the hell did you try to
Why the hell did you try to defend yourself????
You did nothing wrong.
Dh said "you better go upstairs and fix this" - wow. I would have ripped HIM a new had he said that to me.
Sing it girl!
Sing it girl!
WTF??? Did you lose your
WTF???
Did you lose your backbone??
You were entertaining guests, why in the hell were you dealing with your SD and chocolate?? Who gives a flying f**k?? Leave that shit to your H.
And why would you follow your H to skid room to deal with behavioral issues, while you were entertaining guests in your home?? You should have cut him off immediately and said you'd address it later, when you and he were alone and could discuss it calmly.
Admittedly he was a complete dick about it, but you really set yourself up as a doormat in this situation.
I am with aswang - and
I am with aswang - and Chekhov. Chekhov has something about good manners where he says they are not in NOT spilling the sauce on the tablecloth at a party but in not noticing when another guest does it.
There is a price to pay for being a Chocolate Nazi - you are now the bad guy. You could have strategically closed your eyes on it, and may be brought it up a week later, after all the guests have gone home. If my DH had picked a fight with my kid during a party i threw, and i had to deal with the fallout as in a young kid crying, i would probably question his judgment as well.
duplicate
duplicate
Seriously! If you don't want
Seriously! If you don't want to be stereotyped as an evil stepmom,don't get all psycho about a kid sneaking a candy. Having a party for your family? Showing off a bit?
OMG, are you serious? I'd
OMG, are you serious? I'd get "all psycho" over MY OWN KIDS sneaking around doing things they know they are not allowed to do! It's called PARENTING!!!
And by all psycho, I mean do EXACTLY what the OP did.
But I guess because she's an SM it's evil, psycho behaviour.
lol. Some people.
Bechers,thank you for
Bechers,thank you for clarifying my post. I did do this privately with sd8. Dh however pulled me into a room that was wide open to the living room where my bil and nieces were playing. They got up and left the room when they saw/heard the confrontation dh was giving me. It was so upsetting. Dh and I both made the house rules together. I know that kids are all going to act out and try to break them sometimes. I need to be backed up by dh when I enforce the rules in our home. Sd8 is very manipulative and knows how to scam dh. He is so ready to cover for her ,so that dynamic just doesn't work for me. She totally turns on the waterworks and dh happily plays right into it.
You commented on my recent
You commented on my recent blog that you could relate to me and now I'm saying the same to you! This sounds exactly like something my husband would do to me if I hurt poor SD6's feelings.
He actually did something similar over the holidays. I took DD to give her a bath and SD thought I took her away so she couldn't play with her. She ran downstairs to cry and my husband followed. Then he marched her back upstairs and into the bathroom to make me apologize to her for hurting her feelings. I told him to get out.
After I was done giving DD a bath, he told me I needed to talk to SD and apologize so that her feelings weren't hurt. I just glanced in her direction and said, "I took DD away to give her a bath." My husband glared at me and I walked away. Idiot. It's not my job to coddle his child and I did nothing that required giving a 6 year old an apology.
I will never understand why these ball-less men bow down to their children. And I'll never understand why they think we should do the same. I'm so fucking over it.
Oh for sure. I can understand
Oh for sure. I can understand where she's coming from on a different level.
Everyone , I appreciate all
Everyone , I appreciate all of your feedback. I know sneaking candy upstairs is not the end of the world. The fact that she did it twice showed me that as usual,she will do as she pleases.Dh said he saw her do it,but didn't do anything about it! She had the run of the house with dh before we built one together. He gave her adult status. His house was trashed with stains and horrible messes made by sd8. I am not going to allow her to trash my home like she did at dh's old one
I didn't apologize to sd8. When I went upstairs, dh was in her room "comforting her". I said "sd8, your dad tells me you are upset,let's talk about it. She completely ignored me. I didn't waste any more time and said "when you are ready to talk,come and grab me,ok?"
If you have read my other posts you will see that this has been a lot of miniwife,entitled ,overindulged bullshit from the start
I understand how you feel.
I understand how you feel. It's not just this one little incident. It's not about the candy. It's that this kind of thing constantly happens and your husband constantly makes excuses for SD. No matter what she does, he thinks there is a perfectly reasonable explanation and she will never require correction or punishment for anything she does.
Reading your post this is
Reading your post this is what I see:
1. You & DH made the house rules together.
2. SD broke the rules.
3. You called SD out on breaking the rules.
4. DH demanded you apologise to SD for telling her off for breaking the rules.
Your problem is that you allowed yourself to be bullied by DH. I think you need to have a serious chat to him about his behaviour . I agree with the other posters that recommend disengaging. This is not about chocolate this is about principles. This is about DH & you making a decision together about what is permitted in the family home and then him throwing you under a bus for upholding what was decided. SD now knows that in the family home she is higher up on the totem pole than you are-and this never bodes well when it comes to being accountable for ones actions. Consistency is the key to enforcing good behaviour so whether there was a party in progress or not rules are rules. When DH told you to "fix it" I would have told him to his face that I am not a miracle worker and can't suddenly rectify what is evidently years of his poor parenting, then I would have joined the rest if the party & left him and SD to it.
It's not the child that's the
It's not the child that's the problem (her behaviour was pretty normal for an eight year old - and party or no party it deserved to be called).
It's not your DH that's the problem (although he behaved like a complete and utter assh*ole).
The problem is that both your DH and your SD assume that you will put up with their cr*ppy treatment of you. And they are right. So, what are you going to do about it?