Dh complains "You're distant with sd"
I'm sick of dh complaining that I'm distant with sd8. 2 years ago I came on the scene with such enthusiasm and thinking I would be really involved,only to be treated like crap by sd8 and not really supported by dh. I pulled back to save my sanity and now dh is whining about it. I'm kind,considerate,and chatty with sd8,but not much more. I don't want to put myself in the position to be mistreated. Dh is pissing me off with his lack of understanding this. Sd8 has improved to some degree with dh being more demonstrative with her,but she is still a bossy,entitled,whiny mini wife.
Any advice? Am I being ridiculous?
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I sure did tell dh how I
I sure did tell dh how I felt. He noticed that I pulled back after sd8 was so terrible on a trip we all took together. I told him he needed to straighten her out or I wouldn't marry him. He stepped up more with her,but she is still not endearing, whatsoever. I told him I have pulled back to save my sanity. All the nice things I do are barely noticed. He knows exactly why I am "distant". I told him this is how it will be for now. I need to see all miniwife behavior and other brattiness end. Dh makes excuses for sd8 bad behavior and tries to blame ME for it!!Dh says that he is more involved with my bs ,which he really isn't. My bs10 is very kind to dh and has never given him a reason to be "distant",like sd8 and dh have given me!
Nope, you're not being
Nope, you're not being ridiculous. But I wish I knew how to get your DH to quit blaming you.
My ex SO complained about me ignoring his son. We broke up so unfortunately I dont have any great advice for you. But a lot of sympathy and just want you to know your feelings are valid and you are just being used as a scapegoat.
I told SO if he continued to blame me for SS and I not getting along that I would leave him.
It'll be difficult I think to convince your DH that he isn't doing what he needs to teach SS to respect you. Its really your DH that's to blame for you and SS not getting along. But good luck getting him to accept responsibility for it.
Sd8 acts like a mini wife by
Sd8 acts like a mini wife by trying to come in between me and dh while we're holding hands,hangs all over him,tries to sit by him at restaurants,interrupts when he is helping me do things (sd8 suddenly needs something), tries to call the shots on the plans for the day, and pretends she is one of us adults. It's gross!
Or 19!
Or 19!
My DH says the same thing
My DH says the same thing about 6-year-old skid. Initially, I tried to connect with the SS and it went okay until me and DH got married. That's when the skid shut down. Some tiny light bulb in his little brain clicked on when he realized that BM and DH weren't getting back together, despite the fact that they've been divorced since the skid was 6 months old. Ever since then it's been a battle in disrespect. Fortunately, it's been a quiet battle because the skid refuses to talk to me.
But I do expect at least hellos, goodbyes and thank yous when the skid's in our house. I won't be disrespected in my own house. Initially, DH balked and said that it was my fault for not trying hard enough. Fortunately, our therapist set him straight by telling him that the skid has to be respectful to his teachers and other adults that he sees regularly so he should be respectful to me too. So DH has enforced that with skid. Although, I'm not sure DH fully understands why he should enforce it, which is a large part of the problem.
Of course, DH still thinks we should be like a first family. I'm having none of that. If he wanted a first family he should have stayed with BM and skid, and I've told him this countless times. I'm fine with having a distant, but amiable relationship with skid. To make DH happy, I have committed to doing at least one group activity a month with skid and DH. But I make sure that it's something that I'm interested in doing too.
Counseling might help, if your DH is willing. DH's everywhere need to realize that they can't recreate a first family with a 2nd wife.
I'm in the same situation. My
I'm in the same situation. My husband is aware that I've pulled back and why. Sometimes I think he gets it and other times I can tell he doesn't when he accuses me of hating SD6 and ignoring her.
It's such a tough position to be in. I was also enthusiastic at the beginning. A combination of BM/GBM/DH/SD caused me to change my involvement in SD's life.