BM tells SS18 of course he can attend private college
Had to delete a few earlier posts but... We had been waiting to see what kind of aid package SS18 would get to the private college he applied early decision to. We have been trying to steer him to public, but BM thinks he deserves private. Sure enough he got only a few thousand in grants (price tag is $65k). So completely unworkable right?
Not apparently according to BM. She thinks she can put together a "package" for him. DH went to speak to SS18 to console him, and apparently SS18 was surprised and upset because BM told him the financial aid package was good. This from a woman who just filed for bankruptcy.
DH and I are just shaking our heads. We thought that when BM filed for bankruptcy or when SS18 got a lousy financial aid package these might be AHA! Moments for her that you can't just forever spend more than you earn. I guess not. Next step on the train? Homelessness.
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More to the point, Did BM
More to the point, Did BM meet with the guidance e counselor and get all this info. I don't think it matters who, what, when or where, BM is determined to get her way on this matter.
From her earlier posts, it sounds like the BM is in charge of this and won't be deterred.
Sometimes I wonder if you are
Sometimes I wonder if you are really a middle age white guy with hygiene issues that sits on the net in his mother's basement in a wife beater and sloppy boxers eating Doritos.
I understand what you are
I understand what you are saying. Since the GC isn't the be all end all to actually pick, apply and pay....who really cares what a GC says. If I remember, I didn't meet with DDs GC at all. She had X scholly to any state school and DD picked.
We've been involved since day
We've been involved since day 1. DH has always told the kids that because all four attend private grade school and high school he and BM won't be able to afford more than a state school tuition for them. If they wanted to get scholarships fine, otherwise it was state school.
We took SS18 to visit state school, helped him with this application there, he applied and liked it. But then BM took him to visit fancy private college. We told SS18 no way would it work financially. BM promised him it would so he applied early. Lo and behold, he did not get aid.
We did speak to SS18's counselor, who advised us not to let him apply early if we knew there was no chance we could afford it. But ultimately we had no control. BM's lies to the kids about what is possible. I don't even blame the kids as they have two parents telling them two different things. Of course you'd believe the one telling you what you want to hear. But now the evidence is starting to pile up on DH's side. It's just amazing that SS18 is still in denial.
Right! We know. See here you
Right! We know. See here you are thinking like a sane person...
The problem is, according to BM and SS18 they CAN afford it. So I believe SS18 will be sending in his deposit instead.
BM is being extremely
BM is being extremely unrealistic. Private schools are hugely overpriced for a reason. Their teachers are also hugely overpriced to give the same education your SS will get at public college for his degree. I hate to assume anything about your SS, but if he didn't make the grades to get enough financial aid to pay for private college then I don't know how he will make the grades to stay in private college. BM is setting him up for failure.
I think the only thing your DH could do is sit SS down and show him how much he makes, how much he already spends on his siblings for private school and all the other bills: CS (if there is any), house note, grocery, gas, insurance, phone bill. Your DH should tell him that it is really impossible for DH to afford to send him private college. And I would also let him know that BM just filed for Bankruptcy. Yeah throwing her under the bus is crappy but she's going to blame your DH for not being able to afford Private college anyway so SHOW HIM. Kids at 18 and 19 go into college not really knowing what they want to do, I know I changed my major three times! Maybe your DH can tell SS that he can spend his first year at public college and if he is really committed and works hard that y'all will try to reconsider private college IF scholarships and money can be saved within the year to help.
Thanks, Maxwell I agree. We
Thanks, Maxwell I agree.
We are holding off telling SS18 and the rest of the kids about BM's bankruptcy or DH's big pay cut until after the holidays. BM claims she can pay $10K. I have no idea how as she is filing for bankruptcy. DH did sit down SS18 and work through the math, and showed him that even after our contribution, the grant money and BM's fictitious $10K, There is still a $35K shortfall. SS18 wanted to take a loan out for that, but no way DH will let him. And BM can't cosign.
That is for one year.
That is for one year.
My daughter went to private
My daughter went to private college. 50k a year. She handle getting this done by first
1. Doing AP classes in high school that took a year off of college. She made sure 2 years in advance that the state and private schools she wanted to go to would accept them.
2. Got scholarships. They were not much, but they helped. Her GPA was a 4.0
3. Spend hours, days weeks looking for grants. Big ones small ones...you name it, she went after it. Every year she went crazy looking for them.
4. She got the 50k a year down to 12k. Her dad and I helped, as did my parents and my exs parents.
5. She worked on campus. And lived in the cheapest dorm on campus.
6. Worked her ass off during the summer.
So she did not need loans. She had 3 years of very hard work. Graduated last summer. Degree in Molecular biology and a minor in philosophy with a pre law track.
He needs to want it more than life its self if his parents can't afford to pay for it.
This is amazing your daughter
This is amazing your daughter did this. I don't see SS18 doing it though. He isn't in any AP classes. His GPA is a 3.2. And he hasn't looked for a single grant. Sigh.
Then its simple. State
Then its simple. State college. And there is nothing wrong with that. I would let SS18 know what you will give him a year and that is it. Tell him you will get no more and no less than this amount. Make a college plan with the funds appointed to you.
PS....she could of cared less
PS....she could of cared less about it being a state or a private college. It was the program that got her.
When she goes for her Masters, she want to go to a state college because of its program in her field.
No ego....just practical.
Sometimes a state college is better and sometimes a private college is better.
Exactly! I had to choose
Exactly! I had to choose between a really expensive university that is well named and is considered "the best in the state" or a smaller university. The smaller university offered an in-house scholarships based on grades and keeping on track to graduate plus department grants. I took courses in high school to cut down a semester and applied for any extra federal grants because I knew my parents couldn't afford to help me pay for anything. The larger university didnt offer as much aid.
At the end of the day the bigger university would have cost me 4-5k a semester and I would have to commute; the smaller university with all of its scholarships and grants offered me free housing and meal plan and all tuition paid. When I didn't want to live on campus anymore (junior/senior year) I ended up getting 1k to 2k back a semester by keeping my scholarships and grades.