Anyone engage skids to keep DH from getting pissed off?
I've been trying to disengage from SS11 lately. He ignores me almost always anyway so it's not difficult. He is so far up his dad's ass that it drives me crazy to be around him. If I sit beside DH, this kid has to sit in his lap. He actually walked in on me in the bathroom this weekend because he thought his "Daddy" was in there. Ugh! So Saturday night when the kids were going to bed, I went and tucked in SD9 and SD6, said goodnight sleep tight and all that. Then I popped my head into SS11's room and said goodnight. I then went to the bathroom to get ready for my nightly routine. DH comes into the bathroom and asked in his "you hate my kids" tone of voice if I was done saying goodnight to SS11. I was done, I don't need to tuck in an 11 year old that couldn't care less if I do or not. But...of course I went back in to tuck the kid in just to keep the peace between DH and I. I don't think that I should feel forced to coddle this kid who barely talks to me unless he wants to know what I'm making as far as meals. Just because DH puts SS11 on some completely unrealistic pedestal, I don't think he should expect me to do the same. He doesn't do this with his daughters, in fact, he does not treat them equally at all. If SS11 does anything to "help" DH around the house like mess up all the tools, while DH works on something, he will pay him to do it. Meanwhile the girls cleaned their pigsty of a room, from top to bottom, without being told, and he barely acknowledged it let alone gave them an allowance for it. It just really bugs me that DH expects me to feel the way he feels about SS11, when this kid can't even say thank you, or hello or even goodbye to me when he leaves.
- notmycircus's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I don't get all the tucking
I don't get all the tucking in either. My SKids are 8 and 10. They can come kiss me good night. Why do I have to "tuck" them under covers? At what age can this be phased out. I have images of SS being 16 and tucking him into his mario blankets.
That's really annoying. One
That's really annoying. One of the reason's I don't tuck in anymore is because I always hear "Is dad coming to tuck me in" Has he ever not? NO. They don't care if I tuck them in as long as Daddy does.
No. I'm not big on keeping
No. I'm not big on keeping the peace when DH is being a dick. He's also going to wind up wind two very resentful daughters if he keeps making SS his super special favorite. Kids absolutely notice this stuff. DH will ruin his relationship with the girls and probably the relationship between the girls and their brother.
^^^THIS^^^ 100% Echo nailed
^^^THIS^^^ 100% Echo nailed it.
All I can picture is the
All I can picture is the scene in ELF where dang 6 foot tall Will Ferrell is yelling DAAADDD, DAAAAAADDD because he wanted to be tucked in. LOL
Anyway, I don't think that these men understand that trying to FORCE us to interact with a skid that we would otherwise choose to disengage from, a skid that could care less about our existence, just amps up the level of resentment to critical mass.
That's what happens at my
That's what happens at my house SS uses tuck in time to "tell on me" and SD uses it to ask for things she knows I would say no to. When I think they are on this kick I wait and stand in the room with them acting like I'm waiting my turn to tuck in.
Obviously, you were done
Obviously, you were done saying goodnight since you said it and then went into the bathroom to do your thing. What a stupid question (a little passive aggressive?). You should have just told him that, yes, you were done. Or ignored him.
And no, I did not engage with my SD just to keep my husband from getting pissed. But then again, my DH did not let his daughter get away with being a disrespectful little brat.
I agree with everything Echo stated. It's not going to help things in the long run.
"to thine own self be true".
"to thine own self be true". you are doing yourself an injustice by doing things not because you want to, but because you believe it will make your dh happy - which it won't. when you do things you don't want to do you become resentful. resentment is the #1 marriage killer. you're not making your dh happy (who wants a resentful wife?), you're not making yourself happy, and ss certainly isn't happy with you trying to "win" him over (he's made it clear he'd prefer LESS of you, not more). you are destroying your home and family with this fake-ness because you're afraid your dh will get mad at you. so what if he does? is he going to LEAVE you because you don't simply adore his snowflakes? if so, goodbye to rubbish cause if this is true all he wanted was a sugar momma/chauffer/maid, not a true partner. I think men RESPECT women who are honest with them. at the very least be true to yourself, i'm sure you don't like what you are becoming. hey - I've been there. NEVER be afraid of losing a man.
Thanks for all the advice.
Thanks for all the advice. For some reason DH just doesn't get that SS11 doesn't care if I tuck him in or not. He doesn't respond even when I say goodnight, which I have pointed out to DH, saying goodnight right to SS11 when DH was standing right there, with no response from SS11. I recently stopped the storytelling for all the kids at bedtime as well, I just didn't feel like doing it anymore, and I don't think that any of them cared except DH. I guess that is why I went back to tuck in SS11, because DH and I did have an argument about the storytime and he honestly could not see my side. And I'd rather keep the peace. The only time DH and I ever fight is about the skids, and only that he thinks I don't do enough for them, or love them enough, or I'm too hard on them telling them to eat their dinners instead of goofing around. The few times I have tried to disengage, DH did not stand up and take responsibility for them, and it was driving me crazy that they were acting like wild animals. I think I'm going to have a talk with him and let him know that his kids are his responsibility, and that since mine are grown and gone, I should not have to do his parenting for him, and it's his time with his kids. But I will have to "parent" DH so to speak when they get out of hand, so that he will correct their behaviour.