I apologize first and foremost if I don't have the correct lingo down. This is my first time on this site. I need somewhere to turn rather than my friends and family or BF now because I think they are tired of hearing me complain and they quite frankly don't know what to tell me anymore.

So, shall we say my SS11? has been troubling me for quite some time. Let me give a bit of background. My BF (supposed to be DH here in a month) and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. We each have a son through previous relationships and both are 11 years of age. This could be part of my problem (maybe?) because I may have a tendency to compare the two. Anyway, since the beginning, parenting has been difficult. SS11 had a HUGE problem in the beginning with sharing, and I mean sharing anything. This included my BF. He would throw fits if BF and I were at all close or loving toward each other. Also, SS11 would not allow DS11 to touch his belongings unless he was asked first and permission was granted. (Permission was rarely granted). This was quite upsetting to me because I had raised DS to be completely the opposite and when the issue was brought up to BF, he defended SS11's actions by saying that the things were his and he had a right to do what he wanted with them. BF also defended this by claiming that SS11 had been traumatized by the separation of BM and himself and also by being taken away from BM and placed in his custody. So, on we go...SS11 took an extremely long time to warm up to DS11, but now this issue has been pretty much resolved (most of the time). He has never quite warmed up to me, though.

I'm not sure if it comes from BM (who tries very much to start trouble with BF and myself), or if it is somehow my fault. BM is the kind of person who does terrible things in front of SS11, talks trash about me (even though I have never spoken to her and have only seen her once from a distance), lies, cheats, steals and encourages her children (none of which are with her) to do the same.

So, let me tell you my current issues with SS11...he still has "accidents". On the weekends that I have SS11 here with me (he only goes to BM's every other weekend), while BF is at work, he stays in his room the entire day until BF returns home and then he will not leave his side. SS11 argues with me if at any time we talk. If he does not argue with me, he ignores me (just completely acts like he doesn't hear me). If I say goodnight or goodbye, he only replies to BF, never to me. He still gets upset if BF and I show affection toward one another. SS11 is extremely jealous of DS11 to this day. SS11 is extremely below average when it comes to school. This perplexes me because otherwise, he functions very normally. SS11 is obsessed with girls and sexuality. This is extremely bothersome because I don't find it to be at all age-appropriate. SS11 throws fits every day, either regarding girls, clothes, mouthiness, etc. These are actual fits, where arms and legs are flailing, and stomping and banging and crying occur. SS11 is extremely rough with younger kids in the neighborhood and with toys/bikes etc. Kids get hurt and everything gets broken. He is increasingly mouthy day by day with not only me, but BF and extremely upset about his "privacy". This is also bothersome, because he is only 11.

BF and I do not allow the kids to engage in social networking and for DS11, this is not even an issue, but that is all SS11 is interested in, and when BF checks to make sure this is not happening, SS11 has another fit and claims he has to have his "privacy". This is also a problem because SS11 is not allowed to contact BM on his own as she is barred from our household for menacing. Most recently, BF took SS11's iPod away for a day for bad behavior, and SS11 cried and threw tantrums all night long, not because he couldn't play games or listen to music, but because he couldn't text his girlfriend. Is this normal behavior for an 11 year old?

I find myself constantly arguing with my BF over these issues because I personally think SS11 needs some counseling and more focus on school rather than cuddled constantly and thinking this obsession with girls is cute. BF still insists that he has to make up for the fact that SS11 has a bad BM and all of this behavior comes from BM or the trauma of them separating. All I can reply is that DS11 had a separation of parents too, but he doesn't have any of these issues.

Furthermore, BF and I are expecting DD in a few months and I have to be honest, it scares me. The way SS11 is so rough with things and the way he throws fits and gets so angry at attention that's not given to him frightens me. I mean, it's obvious that I and DS11 are in his way when it comes to BF and I can only imagine what DD is going to add to that resentment. Also, BM has been kept in the dark with this information and we have no clue what she is going to do when she finds out. SS11 already has to be "de-programmed" for a few days after he spends a weekend with BM. I can't or don't want to even imagine.

Please help me. I am to the point of not being able to take anymore. It may seem like small things, but well, even though this is an extremely long post, there is so much more detail I could give. It has been 3 1/2 years and things are only getting worse. I hate feeling like a monster that has to be avoided in my own home...especially when we are bringing a new life into this family. I don't even want SS11 here with me on the weekends anymore because it's so uncomfortable and maddening.

Oh...one more thing...SS11 is 11. He still follows BF to the bathroom and waits outside until he is done, rather than sit and watch tv with me or something. This happens frequently. Help!!!!