Let me start off by saying, I have not had to have this conversation with DH and have not had to do this. But because of the situation and the possibility, this may come up. And NOT saying I would say THEM or ME.

DH and skids (and BM) live in one state. State A

DH's family and BM's family live in another state. State B

BM/skids will go to State A a couple of times a year. Skids get to see BM's family but does not see DH's family during this time (understandable)

DH does not get to make it home to State B very often.

We are thinking about going to State B for Thanksgiving.

The 2 other times that I have been to State B with DH we have not taken the skids or my BS. It was a very adult trip. Once we went in the summer and once we went for Thanksgiving but went out to bars, etc.

I am worried that if we do go to State B for Thanksgiving, YSD will ask to come along.

If she does, I DO NOT want to go at all.

The thought of being in the car with her for 6+ hours makes me want to cry. I can't do it. Won't do it.

If she came with us to State B there is a strong possibility that she would go to BM's family for part of the trip. So I wouldnt have to deal with her the whole time.

I dont want to say to DH, me or her.

I think it's important that she gets to see her relatives on her dad's side, because she doesnt get to see them very often.

However, the trip wouldnt really be "kid friendly". DH and his family (cousins, same age) like to go out and drink and have fun when they are together. This is what we would end up doing after Thanksgiving dinner. So YSD would end up at BM's family anyways. As she has in the past. DH's family is weird and the likelihood of YSD staying with them is like zlich.

If I say You go with YSD, I'm staying here, I miss out on seeing DH's relatives and becoming part of the family. Also I put my DH in a tough spot and I dont want to do that.

Of course I could suck it up. Just deal with it.

And of course I could point out the reasons why I dont think YSD should even come on the trip with us.
-More money for food
-have to be on a kid schedule as opposed to an adult schedule. (as a parent I have no problem with that, as a Step Parent- I have a problem with it.)
-We would have to drive all over town to take YSD to BM's family, etc.

Thoughts? I'm way over thinking this... but what do others do?

YSD and I do not speak to each other at all. She acts like I dont even exist. I'm not sure that DH's family is even aware of the situation and it would make it even more awkward.