DH's family is not close. Actually, that is an understatement. They put the 'fun' in 'dysfunction'.

BM refused to let us have SD16 for (Canadian) Thanksgiving this weekend...but ok'd a visit with DH's sister for the same weekend. Just one of the little games she plays with us. DH's sister invited us to dinner sunday night. This is the first holiday invite from ANY of his family in years. I begrudging changed our plans with my family to go.

We arrive at DH's sister's house. SD16 and her aunt are working on a picture college. Before we got close enough to see the pictures, I ask them what the pictures are. SD16 replies with a smile, 'my family'. All BM and her stepdad. Nothing of her father or me (which I don't give two shits about but don't exclude DH). For the next hour we sit there practically ignored while they sort through about 50 pictures of her 'family'. DH's sister even asked DH to help her choice between two pictures of BM! DH, who doesn't exactly have the tact gene really restrained himself and just said either picture was fine.

Fast forward 3 hours to after dinner...DH has stepped outside for a smoke and SD has gone upstairs to 'brush her hair' AKA..text her new boyfriend. SIL says, 'FedUp, SD has told me that she and you aren't getting along too well these days.' I remain silent and continue to clear dishes. 'She might not be perfect but she is feeling disrespected by you.' I felt my blood pressure shoot up, but I took a breath before turning to her and saying. "SIL, perhaps she is feeling disrespected at my house because she has not shown me an ounce of respect over the last couple years. You do not live in my house. There are things you don't know. I will not be told how to co-parent by anyone other than your brother. End of discussion. Am I clear?"

SIL is not used to be talked to like that and the speechless look on her face was sooooo satisfying. DH came back in the room and saw my 'about to blow' face as he puts it. The rest of the evening was cooly polite. She did give me a hug as we left and said to me, 'we'll talk soon'. Oh yes SIL...we sure will....

We weren't even out of the driveway and DH said to me, 'Christmas at your family's this year?'