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Hubby's "beautiful" (sad) gift to me

Smellissa's picture

Submitted by Smellissa on Thu, 10/02/2014 - 10:51pm

Hubby claims that he has been offered a job three hours away. I don't know if I believe him or not, because he is the king of manipulation. Anyways, tonight he told me he has decided to take it.

As his gift to me, Hubby has decided that he doesn't want his kids. He plans to phase himself out of their lives. He said he will come back on the weekends for a week or two, then space himself out more, until he just stops coming, and it seems natural to the kids.

After he talked to me, Hubby talked to the kids. He told them the EXACT same thing : that they will be his gift to me; he is leaving and not taking them; that he will come back a few times at first, and then phase himself out of their lives.

:/ I'm angry! I am angry for my beautiful step daughters who have been shuffled from place to place and person to person, always being thrown away like an empty pop bottle. I am angry that the only one who stands up for them is the big bad step-mom.

I'm confused. I don't understand how something like this happens. How did their BM give up? How is their BF giving up on his kids now?? WTF?

My cousin has said for the last year that Hubby doesn't really want these kids. She says that he only did it as a way to keep me. I guess he is proving her right.

Of course, this could just be one more lie, and one more way to force my hand. Maybe he was trying to see if I would bring him back in the house if I was desperate for the kids not to be hurt this way again? I don't know, but if that was his plan, he should of let me think it out BEFORE he ran his mouth and hurt the kids again.

FML

Comments

Indigo's picture

Submitted by Indigo on Fri, 10/03/2014 - 2:01am

I am so sorry. ACK. (I stalled for words there.)

I cannot imagine what you are experiencing and I cannot imagine a DH/DF leaving his kids like this, but knowing crappy parents ... I guess I can see a guy trying to start a new life and leaving ALL of his previous links. You, the kids ... all of the bundle. A three week phase-out.

Change those locks, check your bank accounts, go grocery shopping --- enough for a month. Seriously, go grocery shopping. Imperative while there is money in the bank account. You have open-beak mouths to feed and no court in the world will argue with you spending $ 1000 on food "just in case." (Pantry food, not 4-star restaurant dining)

BTW: unless a court-order (CO) gives you those children, you have no power or authority. Without that paper you can always just call CPS and let them know that you have been abandoned with non-related bio-children. CPS is not always the bug-a-boo which we tend to ascribe. (Unless they are at my door.)

If I misread, sorry.

I would take your SO/DH at his word: he is done with you and the kids. Keeping you at "heel" might involve some emotional blackmail, but I do believe no matter what, he is done with the kids. Believe his words and his actions and in doing so protect yourself and the kids.

Survival mode: get groceries, pay bills, change locks, hunker down.

You do not deserve any of this, nor do the children.

HadEnoughx5's picture

Submitted by HadEnoughx5 on Fri, 10/03/2014 - 7:57am

WOW. He used you as the scape goat for HIM not wanting his own kids.

Sounds like he is a narcissist. He wants to move for job for himself, your cousin has told you he never wanted his kids and used you as a "blame" when he told them. In addition to that he has no empathy about feeling how his kids would feel.

All he had to say was that he was going to be working 3 hours away at a new job.

He needs to move away and just stay away.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Fri, 10/03/2014 - 8:54am

wow this guy is a gem. I guess I'm wondering what the point of "phasing the girls out of his life" is? I mean why prolong the agony? he just told his daughters that he doesn't want them, so why play games for a couple of weeks, months whatever his asinine plan is? what would be gained from that??

I'm not real familiar with your story, but are these girls THAT terrible?? That neither parent wants them? Or are both parents just THAT selfish?

moeilijk's picture

Submitted by moeilijk on Fri, 10/03/2014 - 11:32am

Oh Smellissa... honestly, if it doesn't rain it pours lately. I guess the next couple of weeks will be coping, and then you can start planning to get sole legal custody and sort things out for you and the girls.

I hope it all comes together for you!