SD13, Juvenile Probation and Fits
First of all, Hubby and I are FINALLY taking SD13 to see the juvenile probation officer tomorrow. Honestly, I don't want to do it. I'd love to go in there and say "never mind"! Thankfully, I have a lot of clear headed people around me who tell me that I just have to, every time I get cold feet.
Unfortunately, Hubby uses this as a scare tactic every time SD13 has a fit. It really freaks her out, and that makes it harder for her to control herself. Also, Hubby is teaching her that she can't trust him to be honest with her, because he's telling her that they're going to haul her away tomorrow.
We don't see Hubby allot, though. The girls and I finally have a cute little apartment and Hubby comes by on the weekend. Hubby and I talk several times a day, but the girls only call him when they need something (he never calls them).
During the aftermath of SD13's worst fits, I've called Hubby crying. I've begged him to take her, thinking I can't handle her. He doesn't really want either one of them, and has told SD13 this. He has quit threatening to take them, if I don't let him move in with us.
I've changed the way I handle SD13's fits, though. When I see her getting out of control, I pin her and hold her until she can regain control of herself. She hates it, but we've gone from fits that last three days to fits that last fifteen minutes. She's started saying " I need some time alone" and started walking away.
She's had one major fit (where someone got hurt) in a little over two weeks! We celebrated the two week mark, by taking her or for a special lunch. The next day she had a fit, and when I held her down, she dug her nails into the flesh where my thumbs meet my hand. She drew blood, but it wasn't traumatic, so that's something.
At least, I no longer feel like I can't handle her!
I'm teaching her that she can walk away from SD15, too, even when I'm making them clean their room. The girls share a case manager on their therapy team, and he clued me into the fact that SD15 has been setting SD13 up. SD15 will Rilke SD13 up, and then come tattle tail. Then, SD13 will start to lose control.
The thing is, I know SD13 WANTS to be good. There a lot stacked against her, but she's getting there! 
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I've actually done that. I
I've actually done that. I had to beg them to do it, they kept her for three days, did blood workup and said it's not chemical. She's ODD and has PTSD with severe anger issues. Her early life (until she was nine) was full of all different kinds of abuse.
I'm not just scaring her with the law. I'm filling charges against her, and she'll be put in a diversion program. She has a team (therapist, case manager, and psychiatrist) and this is what they have all said to do (plus countless police officers). I don't want to give up on her, too many people have already done that, but it gets hard.
I may be a saint to put up
I may be a saint to put up with Hubby, or maybe just an idiot! But the girls? Nah! These brats are my kids!
Life has been rough on them. It breaks my heart, but all I can do now is try to make their future better. Still, I can't let her fits go on