feeling frustrated....
Just venting...
I keep reading about everyone documenting stuff and asking for advice, I just wish my husband would be interested in documenting stuff and being proactive about recording things that could be useful if he ever needs to or decides to go to court. Yes I could do some stuff and I do keep a record of which nights we have SD with us but beyond that I feel that he should be doing this stuff.
He told me the other night that even BM admitted to him that her home isn't really suitable for a child to be in but he is reluctant to start to collate evidence should he ever want to try to change it. Because despite her knowing that it isn't suitable, BM wouldn't give SD up.
He acts and feels so helpless, but refuses to do anything about it when I give him suggestions.
Grrrr... just frustrated tonight.
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Well, then on some level he's
Well, then on some level he's not being honest. Probably he's lying to himself more than to you, but you basically have the choice of supporting his dishonesty or challenging him. Or not engaging on that topic anymore.
If he wanted SD, there are actions he could take. He wouldn't even have to wait for you to give him suggestions, he could show initiative himself. But he doesn't. So he's not invested in that outcome.
However, he gets attention from you (and possibly others?) because of SD's bad situation with BM. He maybe has some beliefs about what he *should* be doing/feeling about SD. So he talks the talk.
As annoying as it is to hear someone complain about a situation they have no intention of changing (say, my DH when he's sick... whine whine whine but doesn't want to take medicine or see a doc so we're back to whine whine whine lol!), just do some sympathetic clucking and go on about your day.
His reward is your attention, but you'd rather lavish your attention on him in ways that don't leave you frustrated. So minimize the attention he gets from you on this topic.
Just my $0.02.
I've made suggestions to my
I've made suggestions to my husband regarding documenting various things, but he won't. He refuses to stoop to BM's level. She documents the most random, petty stuff. I only suggest recording things that are relevant, such as when BM purposely removes SD's winter boots before handing her over at pick up, or when she misses school to have sleepovers at her grandma's.
I totally understand your frustration. But if your husband won't do it, you shouldn't worry about it. It's his own fault if he could have pertinent evidence and chooses not to.
After writing this last night
After writing this last night I had some whiskey and relaxed and was able to let go of it all, so the venting session worked!
You're all right of course. He doesn't really want to do anything about it because he still believes that SD is better off with her mother in someways as if she is with us she misses her mom and that makes him feel bad. He also wants to believe that BM will get her shit together and sort her life out, though she has had more than a year (arguably 3 years) and is in a worse situation than a year ago. He knows that for her having her daughter with her motivates her to improve her situation, though it is a extremely rocky and slow process. He also doesn't want to go to court and is still hoping blindly that one day BM will either sort her life out or voluntarily offer SD to live with us so that he doesn't have to fight with her about it. He generally avoids conflict and confrontation.
I will keep offering sympathy and try not to let it get to me while waiting for him to decide that he wants to do something about it....