Step parenting in 2014.
So DH has a cellphone (duh) and SS8 uses it to call mommy all the time. About 6 months ago, he learned that phones can text/send pics as well. He started texting his mom from DH's phone... Which is fine, but I definitely felt that allowing an 8 y/o free rein of your phone isn't appropriate. Anyways, I digress.
Texts when we had SS quickly went from "can you tell SS I miss him" to "mommy loves you!" As DH would typically hand the phone over when it was her texting. Call me an over reactor but something about an x wife texting "I love you" to my mans phone really chaps my ass. I kept quiet.
This has now escalated to BM sending selfies, videos, all that shit to DH's phone during visitation. I'm pissed!!! Am I crazy?!
I guess I might be sensitive, but come on. I have to have her fucking face al over my man's phone screen three times a day?
Oh - and DH tells me I'm a spaz and over reacting. (Of course). What's good for him is obviously best for us.
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"Oh, aren't we all just
"Oh, aren't we all just overreacting all the time. We are like a huge overreacting clam bake."
This made me literally lol, but it is just so true! As soon as I read that it occurred to me *just* how many poor step parents on here post and say "am I over reacting?"
It's so unfair because most of the time, no! No you're *not* overreacting! Something in your gut is telling you this isn't right/ appropriate behaviour, and you're *right* it's extremely inappropriate!
I wouldn't be happy at all with this situation, I think DH needs to talk to BM and say 1 of 2 things.
1) if she insists on texting SS then she needs to provide him with his own phone.
or
2) stop texting all together.
In my personal opinion I'd go for option2, as I think 8 is too young to have your own mobile, but then I'm kind of old fashioned like that, keeping up with these modern times is exhausting!
Because you *know* that if option 1 happens, SS will be glued to it the whole time he's with DH and you, which may mean 1 of 2 things:
1) if your SS drives you nuts (sorry I don't know if he does) then it might be nice for you to have a break from him, as he'll have his head down quiet texting BM all the time lol
2) your DH, or in fact you as well, might get sick of him doing this as it's your time to be with him, and he'll be in "BM land" on his phone the whole time.
Ok I think I'm done listing things in ones and twos lol!
I hope this resolves somehow for you, bottom line is, no I don't think you're over reacting and something needs to be said to BM.
Is BS. She needs to stop and
Is BS. She needs to stop and if she is that fanatic about texting the boy, she needs to provide him his own cell phone.
It may be time for a $25/
It may be time for a $25/ month disposable phone for SS.... Yikes!
I would ask DH just to ignore
I would ask DH just to ignore all texts/pictures from her if BM doesn't stop when he asks her. I guess that asking her to stop is the hard part, these DH's like to take the easy road and be passive. Now SS wants to be on a cell phone. At age 8. Not good. Write down Mommy's ph number and SS can call her from the landline to say a quick hello if need be. Is it possible to block text from a number on a cell but allow incoming calls from that same number? I think you can do that.
Oh wouldn't BM love it if she had to actually call "live" on DH's cell in order to contact/speak to her son? Rather than the convenience of a text, lol? Speaking takes more effort than texting and I bet BM would only call if she had to, i.e. about drop-off time, etc. LOL
~ Moon
It makes you uncomfortable
It makes you uncomfortable and you should feel comfortable in your own home so no, not over reacting.
Tell him it needs to change and that a conversation between BM and her child is just fine once a day, or even a quick call if SS really wants to talk to her (I have an BS8 and I wouldn't stop him from calling his dad if wanted to talk to him but no way on the texting from my phone) and that's it.
Someone posted a good article recently, and it touched on the privacy thing in the stepmom's home. See what you think about it and maybe show it to DH.
Another thing is that does your SS have an ipod? My BS8 won't have a phone for a while but he has an ipod and uses a texting app to talk to his dad. So then he can interact with him, he's not on my phone and it doesn't make my SO uncomfortable.
OMG these fucking BMs, why
OMG these fucking BMs, why can't we put them all on an island somewhere and just pray that they all wither away one by one?
I would NOT be ok with this shit AT ALL, so NO, you are NOT overreacting.
I would reply to one of those texts from DH's phone by forwarding her selfie right back to her & saying something like "Babe, look at this crazy bitch sending these fucking selfies to my phone! WTF do I NEED to see her monkey ass on my phone now ALL THE DAMN TIME!? I think it's time we get SS a cell, what do you think?"
Then immediately text her again and say "Shit, sorry, that text wasn't meant for you." }:)
This is fucking unreal, I
This is fucking unreal, I love it! I think we could be friends in life...
LadyDanger - Why thank you!
LadyDanger - Why thank you! That shit would work though, I swear she'd never send another selfie again.
Exactly! This constant
Exactly! This constant interruption of father's time with his son is treading into the PAS arena. A known PAS tactic is to constantly call the child while at the other parent's house and say things like "mommykins misses youuuuuu--come home eaarrrrrly and I'll have a surpriiiize for youuuuu!"
I say get a cheapo restricted cell phone for emergencies only, give it to him, yet check it at the front door. It stays OFF and DH does NOT answer any blatant attention grab texts from BM.
My skids all have an IPod
My skids all have an IPod touch, with WiFi they can actually text any other Iphone, and with an app called Pinger they can text any phone (DH and I have android so this works for us) (it's free and assigns them a phone number that they can use, again has to be with WiFi) they can also make phone calls but they have to "earn" minutes by watching advertisements, or any phone call made TO them is "free minutes"
So that's a thought...I know IPod touches aren't cheap, probably around $150, but it beats a monthly payment if you already have WiFi
BM (broke up thirteen years
BM (broke up thirteen years ago, ten years before we were even together) randomly texts too.
Three weeks ago it was how she loves my SO and doesn't get why they couldn't be happy together like he is with me (maybe because I'm not a cheating and gambling ho like you were? Lol)
Anyways, a few days ago she texts asking they take the "kids" to the fair together and be a family cause the kids "need" that for their mental health. The "kids" are 25, 23 (lives out of state), 20 & 17 (he's the only one who lives at home and I already got him tickets to the fair, which he said he felt too old for). So clearly, she's using her adult "kids" as an excuse to try to force a wedge into any happiness her ex attains.... Some people are just narcissistic freaks like that.
I HATE when the skids just
I HATE when the skids just "have to talk" to their BM when their on OUR watch. I mean, they JUST SAW HER AN HOUR AGO! :? And with this whole FB Chat thing now, they have to video chat with her :sick: I hate it because it's like BM is invading our personal space with her loud obnoxious voice, and her fake parenting ("SS12, you do NOT hit your sister!" Meanwhile, at home, she tells them to hit the other one back!). One time, SD10 wanted to show her mom my BS2 - I was like "NO! I do NOT want to expose my son to the Devil!" (but I didn't say that out loud!).
Ever since DH told me about hackers potentially being able to see you through your webcam (we're on a laptop), I taped it up because I'm paranoid like that. And I told the skids about it, so they no longer video chat with BM for fear of some pedophile watching them LOL
Also, when SS12 talks to his mother on DH's cellphone, he becomes this snotty disrespectful brat and my ears can't handle it. So DH doesn't allow phonecalls to BM anymore - he just tells the kids that they'll see their mother soon enough.