Stay together for the "family"?
I found a forum post that H put up on a site we both use (under an alias that was really obvious to me), he said in the post that BM was the actual love of his life, and that he was only still with me for the sake of not breaking up the family.
I brought the post up to him, and he's claiming it's not "really" what he meant, that actually he only meant that BM was the most significant relationship he had only because they were together so long, and that he loves me the same just differently...
I can't get the post out of my head though, it's tearing me up inside.
Is it really better to stay together for the family? Should we both just put on a show, him pretending to love me, and me pretending not to know he doesn't, for the kids?
This would be the second break up of a family unit for both our older children, and we have a young baby together. I am so conflicted....
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Could you copy his post
Could you copy his post exactly? Is it possible you really did misinterpret it? have you both considered counseling?
Were a wait list for
Were a wait list for counseling, it's hard to find someone that is available week day evenings. I'd rather not copy and paste because H gives away a lot of personal details in his post, and I'd rather our identities not be on display. But, he does actually say in it that she is the love of his life (in those words).
sorry you had to see that. to
:jawdrop: sorry you had to see that.
to me that would be grounds for breaking up or at least taking a break away from him before I freaking killed him.
Does BM want him back? How
Does BM want him back? How long have you all been married?
No, she's just gotten married
No, she's just gotten married to another man.
Sorry but what a dick! YOu
Sorry but what a dick! YOu need some counseling for you alone to try and decide how to handle this or if you can even get past it.
It could be, it's possible
It could be, it's possible that is what he was trying to get across in that statement, doesn't really help the sting though.
It would be great if you
It would be great if you could post the blog entry so we can see for ourselves his exact wording. With that said I'm honestly not sure how you could misinterpret the fact that he said he was only still with you because of the kids. (If those are the words he used) I hate when DH tells me "You misunderstood what I said/wrote" Really? So you think I'm so stupid I can't comprehend plain english?
I'm sorry but I wouldn't stay or as fuckitall said, take a break from him.
Sorry, I'd rather not re-post
Sorry, I'd rather not re-post as I sort of want this site to be my own, and he could easily find me on it if I post word for word what he wrote.
Did BM end their
Did BM end their relationship? It sounds like he's still in love with her and is only with you because of the kids.
This guy has also admitted that he doesn't feel the same way about the child you share as he does about his older son.
Staying with this man can't be healthy for you or your son.
Yeah, she left him for SS's
Yeah, she left him for SS's SF who she is now married to
Bingo! I'm so very sorry OP,
Bingo! I'm so very sorry OP, but unfortunately, this dick is still in love with his ex. He's pretty much made it obvious and the only one denying it now is you. I apologise if that sounded harsh, but it seems you need to absorb this into your head and your heart.
This is NOT the man for you. He will use you and continue to do so, until one of several things happen.
A) Ex wife will break up with current hubby and with one wag of her finger, your hubby will go bouncing back to her, and you will be out.
Someone new will come along, who he'll feel attracted to, and you will be out.
He shows no loyalty or support towards you. He is in limbo and unfortunately, you are the one he's using to keep the famz together. Not much security for you and if I were you, I'd be making plans to get out, pronto.
I am so so sorry your husband
I am so so sorry your husband said this, and you had to see that. I would take my children and stay with friends, family or a hotel for a few days. I'd be devastated by all of it. The fact that he said another woman was the love of his life. The fact that he said he stays to keep his family together. And his "explanation" would even upset me -- he loves you equally, but differently. He should love you "more!" You are his wife. She is an ex.
How is your relationship before you saw this?
Hugs to you.
Time to move on. He's only
Time to move on. He's only with you because he can't be with the woman he really wants.
You can look at it in many
You can look at it in many ways. Long story, short...that sucks. Corrected me if I am wrong, BM left him for another man when they were together...you saying she had an affair? This is the man she is married to now. Was this blog written when BM remarried. Sometimes people want what they can not have.
I think you need to make a stand. I am not saying get a divorce but I would look at least staying a few days with family or friends. This would give you sometime to think. And...DH needs to realize what he has.
Realizing what he has won't
Realizing what he has won't change what is in his heart. As sick as his feelings are, they are his and they are valid. He should have never married and had a child the OP.
How can you build a life with one woman when you're still in love with another?
Is he the love of your life?
Is he the love of your life?
Thanks for the input
Thanks for the input everyone, I told him that I need a break, and he gave me his wedding ring? Said he doesn't care... This hurts but I guess it's better than desperately continuing to try and make things work when I'm the only one who cared.
So he used that site to let
So he used that site to let you know he was done. What a coward.
Yup. Coward. Sorry....but
Yup. Coward. Sorry....but this relationship sounds done.
I really wish it was
I really wish it was
Wow sweetpea, I am sorry for
Wow sweetpea, I am sorry for what you went through *hugs*.
I brought H to my psychiatrist with me last week, she told him she thinks HE has a personality disorder and needs to seek help.
This was not an accident. If
This was not an accident. If you frequent the site and he knows this, the coward posted it so YOU WOULD take action. You need to leave this creep. I have never been one to play the 2nd fiddle role. I Your kids will understand. I would definitely screen shot the post for later down the road. Why would you stay at thus point? It is very toxic for kids to grow up in a farce.
THIS I bet he'll lie to the
THIS
I bet he'll lie to the next woman and claim the OP blindsided him with the divorce. Of course he'll also lie and say the OP tricked him into having a child with her. Both lies will lead to her hating and/or resenting the OP and the baby.
I am so so sorry! He used the
I am so so sorry! He used the posting to make you break it off. Giving his ring back...that is so childish. Does he drink? You need to let go and move on. LOVE YOURSELF...HUGS AND PRAYERS.
Please go move in with your
Please go move in with your parents like you mentioned a couple of months ago.
This man is using you BIG TIME! He's also emotionally abusive to you!
* He doesn't pay his half of the expenses because his money goes to constantly taking BM back to court in the hope of increasing his 42% custodial time.
* He didn't take your health or the well being of your newborn into account when your couselor told DickHead to take a week off from work to help you when you were diagnosed with PPD. Sure he took the week off but that was to go out drinking with his buddies and was too tired for you and your baby but as soon as SS was there he was up and at 'em!
* He tells you that he doesn't feel the same about your new baby as he does for SS. This is natural sometimes when a baby is a newborn and daddy hasn't bonded or seen their baby's personality develop yet, but DH isn't a new father and knows this may come later but HE JUST HAD TO TELL YOU this bit of information and for what purpose?!?
* He posts on a website that HE KNOWS you'll see and read, to announce that you, his WIFE, isn't the person his heart belongs to!
Please for your sanity and the well being and happiness for you and your baby...LEAVE and don't look back. He is a sick SOB who is taking pleasure in toying with you!
I'm sorry for sounding so mean here but I'm angry for you and I would truly help you in anyway if I could. PM me if you want.